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Sd... it's she coming? I'm not holding my breath.

Someoneelse's picture

I've learned, have ZERO expectations when it comes to sd.  

Dd19 has told me that sd18 told her she's not coming during Thanksgiving break.  Dd19 is very upset about this .she's upset for dh, but also upset because dd19 knows what it's like to not have a father and she feels very lucky to have DH as a father figure.  So it upsets sd that she would just cast him aside and not take full advantage of having a dad who WANTS to be in your life.

Dd19 tells dh that sd told her she's not coming, that's she's just too busy.  DH calls sd18 (doesn't mention ANYTHING that Dd19 told him. He asks,"hey, when are you coming during Thanksgiving break?" She said she's really busy, but she's probably going to come Friday or Saturday night. 

When SD says she's busy... she gets 2 full weeks break... she has 1 or 2 friends and zero jobs.  She MIGHT baby sit while she's here 1 or 2 days... but she's not BUSY. She's definitely not too busy to visit with her mom.

My bet is that she'll be too busy until the last minute and on her way back out of town she'll stop in for 10-15 minutes just so that she could say that she DID visit her father. We couldn't say that she didn't visit if she did that. 

My hopes is that she doesn't come at all, I really don't like her... not even a little.  She's a disgusting peice of trash that has done nothing but make everyone's life miserable in our home... the sooner we can write her off the better. The sooner everyone can stop expecting her to stop in, even for 10 minutes,  the better. 

Catmom024's picture

I hope she doesn't show up either.   They're great at lying to their fathers and keeping them waiting and hoping.   

Someoneelse's picture

So true

Harry's picture

If she shows up she shows up.   Again. DH is the father, He did a poor job of parenting his DD. If she doesn't want to spend time with him.  It's his fault. 

Someoneelse's picture

Dh didn't ''suck at parenting'' any more than Abby other parent. .. everyone gets things wrong... but in all honesty, everything that DH did do right (holding sd accountable for any behavior) BM would undermine him. She would coddle sd and agree that DH was in the wrong. She would lie to sd and tell her that DH abused her, would tell sd that because DH didn't believe her (sd does nothing but lie), that he was detrimental to her mental health.  Everytime as went home DH would get phone calls or text messages from BM about how sd is over there crying and sobbing because we did nothing but be mean to her and pick on her, all lies. So then everyone had to walk on eggs shells around her, one "wrong move" and we'd get BM texting threatening to take DH to court because we were "mistreating" sd. Meaning we didn't allow sd to treat us like utter garbage. Literally I offered her help in icing my daughters birthday cake, because she kept missing spots... she started yelling at me, DH told her that she needed to stop talking to me like that, and if she couldn't ice the cake to let me do it... we received text messages that night. 

Sd is awful to everyone here, and every time DH tries to correct her behavior, she throws a fit, goes home to her mom, and DH gets threatened with court and BM threatening to get his taken away, and told how detrimental he is to his daughter's mental health, It's awful to keep hearing all of that over and over again. It makes him feel so unsure of what he's doing. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I'm with you. One of SO's daughters said she was coming but who knows? It's not as bad as Christmas where you have to have a present on standby, but it's still unnerving.

Someoneelse's picture

This right here! I hate Christmas because we try to make everything equal... if we spend x amount on 1, we spend that same amount on all of our kids... 

But since she KNOWS there will be presents for her, she'll be coming for sure.  And she'll be wearing everything she already got from BM's house. So she'll have rings and bracelets and watches and new clothes and perfume and new phone accessories (if not an entire new phone).  And she'll be showing it off while opening our presents for her as well... if there is a possibility for sd to show off, she will while still being showered with gifts she'll take it

Rags's picture

You, DH, and DD-19 go somewhere for TG just the three of you.  Block SD for the holiday. Hopefully, SD arrives at your home to find you all not there.

See how that message of clarity sits with the toxic failed family progeny.


I get so tired of the games. I just stop playing them.  At least for a while.

IRL I am the one who stays in contact.  When I run out of steam on being the one to engage and keep contact, I just stop.  It is not a game. I just stop. I don't reply, I don't wait around for contact, I do things I want to do with people I want to do those things with and I do not give the uninvested a thought.  

Until I do.  Eventually I will answer a call, reply to a text, or call them.  That usually returns an "I am so sorry I have not been good at staying in touch. You stopped calling and I got worried........" I just tell them that I had things to do. Then we catch up.... and the cycle starts again.

One of my BFFs just reached out to me after I had not reached out to him for about a year.  We had a great talk.  I will probably give him a call quarterly for a while, until I run out of steam due to no call backs, etc....

As I get older I am finding it far easier to not put effort into those who make little effort.  That includes my son, my brother, and a number of very good friends.  I like me.  So, if that is who I spend time with, I am increasingly okay with that.

CLove's picture

From your comments.

Make your own plans that are not at all predicated on her visitation. Block that chit. I agree with the above - do not chase her and do not invest in her. Her past precedes her. Much like Feral Forger Sd24. This thanksgiving she will be at the large Husband Gathering and so will SD17 Powersulk...and Im going to show then leave and go be with family visiting from out of town.