I’m so relieved

Forums:

Happy dance! As predicted husband's daughter is NOT coming for thanksgiving. Which would have been her first holiday with her father in over 15 yrs. She gave some excuse about her husband but I guarantee she will be spending it with her in laws the same distance as we are. And the Christmas tree? DH has no interest suprise surprise. What a relief! Is it possible that him talking about doing a family tradition of actually chopping down the tree and putting it up scared her away? I did think that was not something she would NOT want to do with me and my adult kids. But I guess what bothers me is she is never honest and such a fake. DH believes every word and does not see the pattern here. It could have been different. I wanted it to be different but now why waste energy at pretending?

Yay!!!! I'm so happy!

The way these dysfunctional

The way these dysfunctional families LIE to each other is so aggravating, isn't it? It's a farce, and we're expected to just play along. Another member once likened it to the fable of The Emperor's New Clothes. All the pretense and cognitive dissonance is exhausting.

Will I be a hypocrite

and be fake too? You see DH came back from visiting his daughter and small grandchild and wanted to tell me how cute she is but I said nothing and he read the room correctly and changed the subject.
my thoughts are that I do not want to impinge on his joy of the child. Honestly I wish WE could have shared in the joy of a grandchild as I don't have any but that is water under the bridge. And realistically they live on the opposite coast so it won't be such a big deal.
I Disengaged totally from this child's mother or rather I finally woke up and realized she had NEVER ever engaged with ME. LOL.

It's going to be another person to navigate at disengagement. Does that sound right? And I really don't have negative thoughts about this little girl. How could I? He already bought her something when we were out shopping today. I said nothing. But I felt uncomfortable. Am I being unsupportive as a spouse?
BTW I can't hide my feelings. I can't be fake and say that I'd love to hear all about her blah blah blah. He does have lots of other family members to discuss her with.

I think that it is wise of you to not let SD use her breeding

product to hook and manipulate you. Sadly, Grampa is taking the bait. It is also wise of you not to let DH suck you in on the emotional vortex of his delusions regarding the likely toxic product of his own toxic parenting failures. Let him share that toxic Kool-Aid with others who splash around in that shallow and polluted gene pool.

Take care of you.

Start booking trips of your own when DH goes to sniff the backside of his toxic spawn and cowtow to her status as a breeder. It is sad that DH's GK is far more likely than not going to be a toxic product of the toxic Skid.

You're not being unsupportive

You're not being unsupportive; you're simply dealing with the situation in the way that's best for your mental health. YOU are the one who hasn't been supported. Your DH has consistently chosen delusion over reality, pretending everything is okay when it obviously isnt and expecting you play along with him. You live in reality, he doesn't.

I view their offspring as

I view their offspring as just another generation of B.S. and manipulation. I mean, look who's raising them. SO's daughter has a kid and is about to have another one. Everyone says how her kid is her mini me. BM says it's just like having SD as a child again. Yup. Same BS, different generation. I don't want anything to do with them.

THIS! 10 times over: THIS!

Generational trauma, for sure

Generational trauma, for sure. As step parents, we are naturally a bit removed from the circus. Observing, but unable to do anything about the dysfunction. When you've been around it as long as you and I have, the sad patterns are easy to spot and track. My DH's family has dysfunction going back AT LEAST three generations before him and one after him; hopefully the grandkids and grandnieces/nephews break the cycle, and even better if they don't pass the bloodline along.

My SD, too, has tried to reel

My SD, too, has tried to reel DH into the Vortex of Further Dysfunction via the grand babies. I knew that was coming. More pawns used for manipulation. If he shows me a picture, I have no issue saying, "How cute," but that's the extent of my involvement. I stopped buying gifts a few years back when that gesture was crapped upon. While DH used to drive to see the hostages, he now says he is done with that. It's awkward and uncomfortable. The whole situation is strange. DH is aware of how I have been excluded and he recognizes who the problem people have been.