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My 7 year old SS is driving me insane

Allycatsday12's picture

Hi, this is my first time posting, and just really need to vent. I have been married for 5 years now and my husband has a 7 year old that we get 50% of the time. I knew him since he was atleast one and was a pretty decent 1-2 year old but things have changed since and not in a good way, he is an only child and me and my husband have not had children yet so you can imagine he gets two of everything, two birthdays, two Christmas ect. I always try my hardest to give him a good Christmas and birthday and have spent money that I do not have to try to make him happy but he is a total brat, and now  lies constantly. This past week we celebrated his birthday and spent a decent amount of money on his gifts party decorations and taking him out, during the gift unwrapping he goes through them quickly and is disappointed with all of his gifts, he then frowns, stomps to his room and slams the door crying. I can't take it anymore and not to mention that both my husband and his BM spoil him and delay him from independence, they are still whipping his ass after he uses the bathroom at the age of 7! He still uses a pacifier when he goes to sleep it's the most ridiculous thing, and constantly cries or throws a fit when I place restrictions on bedtime tablet use oh and he "has" to sleep with us in the bed since he's still afraid of the dark, I tried letting my husband know that this is doing nothing but hurting him and not allowing him to gain confidence or independence but nothing I say matters, I am sick of being the strict one or requesting that we seek a way to modify his behavior this kid does not listen, talks back to you and lies and acts like he forgets things all the time. I'm starting to honestly wonder if this is the life for me, because I know he's not even a pre teen yet and it will get worse. Has anyone else felt like their on a forked road ready to take the one without a step child in it or even the husband l/spouse? 

Winterglow's picture

The problem isn't the kid, it's your husband and his complete lack of parenting. 

Give him parenting lessons for Xmas, an intensive course.

The kid also shouldn't be in bed with an unrelated adult. Does he sleep with his mother's partner too? 

He is also perfectly capable of wiping his own bum - does your husband imagine the teacher does it for him when he's at school? Yeah, sure. 

I'm not surprised you are wondering if this is the life for you - you have probably lost most of your respect for your husband already. 

Winterglow's picture

Does this child have any special needs? 

Allycatsday12's picture

Thank you for responding, has no mental illnesses that I know of, he seems to have the only child syndrome which is also another concerning thing when we do decide to have a child of our own, and you are completely right, it boils down bad parenting and of course BM can't stand to hear anything that I have to say. I keep telling him that he will see the bad parenting results when he turns into a teenager. I'm just not sure if I want to be around that long to see it. 

Rags's picture

BM should not be who you engage with on this.  IMHO.

Set the standards of behavior and performance for kids in your home. Regardless of kid biology. Enforce those standards.

In my 16+ years as a StepDad under the Court Order. The only discourse I had directly with the blended family opposition (the SpermClan in our case) was to give them clarity that if they perpetrated toxicity toward my bride and our kid (My SS) that I would come down on them like a ton of crap in a 1Lb sack.  All other interface was between them and my DW.  What they did in their world on their visitation time with SS was beyond our, or anyone else's, ability to control.

We enforced the CO on them and they either ocmplied or they suffered.  Their choice.

I suggest you disengage from any interface with the XW/BM, give your DH clarity on your requirements then point him at BM to deal with her.  

You and by association, DH, have absolute control over the parneting of kids in your home. So.... partner and parent.

BM can F-off.

ndc's picture

Considering how poorly your husband parents the child he already has, is this really the man you want as the father of YOUR children? Just another consideration at that fork in the road. 

Steppedout22's picture

I completely understand where you're coming from. It's so frustrating being stuck with a brat kid who was created from two people who parent poorly. I feel the same way you described, being stuck as the only parent who actually sees the problems and wants to address them, not reinforce the behaviors. I love my husband so much but dealing with his kids is overwhelming and makes me miserable. They let their guilt guide their parenting and it creates these entitled, bratty, sociopathic monster children that are intolerable to say the least. And then the step parents look like the crazy person when we point out the obvious, glaring problems. I'm also getting to the end of my rope with feeling this way. 

Rags's picture

I can only imagine.  The fading view of time is moderating my memories of the peak drama SKid and blended famiily opposition battles years.

We are more than a decate past the Custody/Visitation/Support CO years. SS-30 is doing great in his adult and professional life.  The drama we had was nearly all SpermClan/Blended family opposition based and not so much Skid behavior based.  SS adhered to the standards of behavior and performance that his mom and I set in our home, or... he enjoyed the consequences of his choices.  There were no standards in SpermLand.

SS is our only and the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock by 3 different BMs for the Spermidiot/SpermDad.  

Ours is doing very well as an adult. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind #3 by all indicators.


alwayslast1978's picture

My SS8 is not as bad as yours but has some of the same behaviors.  He appreciates what he gets but is always asking for more, he is beyond greedy. He wipes his own ass in the last year but still needs his mom to check.  She thinks it is fine but I think it is beyond gross for an 8 year old.  He will do NOTHING on his own, ever.  He finally stopped coming into our bed this school year when my wife bribed him.  I try to avoid him but my wife gets upset but also allows this behavior.