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Feel like such a biotch

LizzieA's picture

Haven't been here a while--hello ladies! Things have been OK as BM has faded away, SILS act normal and SKs are growing up. Kinda.

SS,21, has a drinking problem, so bad he was arrested 6 times for underage drinking, one time while staying with us. He was supposed to be here to get a job and a life but went out and got hammered and fell down in front of a cop. So he's not allowed in our state because he never paid the fines. His lovely BM sent him down without warning us he was drinking to excess AND had a drug problem. What a you know what she is.

He just got his license back (after 4 years). We had made an offer earlier to sell him my old car for $500 so he could move to OK to live with his cousin (who had lined up a job). He needed to earn a certain amount first. Well, cousin fell in love with a girl "back home" so won't be there long.

I thought car thing was dead but now SS "has" to have a car to "get a job." He does live in a rural area however he's been working at sporadic construction jobs for the past several years. He wanted to fly down to an adjacent state (DH would pay "Christmas money") and then take the car. Well, he only wants to give us $250 "now" and DH didn't even ask if he had the money to pay for registration and insurance and gas to get back home (over 1000 miles).

So I said absolutely not. The car is in my name and under my insurance. I don't trust him to register the car and get insurance. To me, him showing up without the full payment is just another attempt at getting a bail-out. He's good at that, his aunts and sister and mother have all paid his way for years. Us, no, because DH has been unable to get good work and I won't give the kid my money.

My problem? I felt like such a B for putting my foot down and so DAMN MAD to be put in this situation. Why do I have to play bad cop? If I really thought he had his shit together I'd be glad to help. That means to me having all the funds needed and paying for his own trip down here.

What do you all think? Thanks!!

LizzieA's picture

Thanks for your support and wise advise! What complicates things is that we live 1000 miles from him so I can't accompany him to register the car, etc. Or I surely would!

LizzieA's picture

Yeah, the original plan made sense--a good job in a booming area, living with his cousin who is a good influence (nice friends, makes money, mature). But he's staying (of course) in the bad environment, a rural area with very little opportunity.

LizzieA's picture

Thanks again, everyone. I told him he needed to send me the money then I would send him the title and he had to register and insure the car before coming to get it. The impossible hurdle. So of course he's blowing up DH's phone (although it is my car!) and says he has no money. So the whole thing is ridiculous.

Fortunately he backed off and is now going to live with SIL, work, and have her ex help him find a car that he will pay for. He needs to take those baby steps of being responsible. (even though he's living with her after staying free with his sister for a year!) I wish him the best, really. He's a great kid except for his problem which hopefully won't kill him or anyone else.

Of course I'm pissed because I'm exhausted today and couldn't get much done. Sigh.