Ex wife drama and husband who allows it
Hello it's my first time on here and I'm seeking advice. I am in a situation and I don't know what to do about it. My husband and I have been married for over two years. We were together for a year and a half before that. My husband has two step kids ages 18 and 15 from previous marriage. I have only met the oldest child two times and I have never met the youngest.
Backstory my husband was married to his ex-wife for 12 years and they have been divorced for eight years now. Ever sense. the ex-wife found out that we got married she has done nothing but caused trouble. She told him in the beginning he should've asked for her permission to get married. She was absolutely livid over our marriage. He at first my husband was upset with her and told her that our marriage was none of her business. And I thought that would be the end of it. And I was wrong.
The whole time we have been married she has been causing trouble and has been ordering him to divorce me. It was a text message from her saying he needed to find a lawyer and divorce me and show willingness to her and the kids. She told him he was selfish to get remarried. After that things in our marriage started to change. He became more distant he didn't respect my feelings and he treats me more like a mistress than a wife.
Recently he went on a trip to visit his kids. It was for the oldest graduation. At first he told me I could go and then he later told me I could not go and that was firm. The reason he gave I could not go was because the ex-wife was mad that he got married again. He also lied about the graduation he said that it was a virtual graduation and no parents would be able to attend. That was a lie. He also was not forthcoming with me About when he was leaving to go and when I asked him when are you coming back he said he didn't know. He said he had to help the oldest child move into the dorm room at the college. I called the college and they said that September is the move-in dates. This was back in June so he lied about that too.
he was gone for two weeks and he called me one time during those two weeks he didn't even know if I was dead or alive even. He didn't even text me or call me to tell me that he made it there OK. But when he came home he texted his ex-wife and told her he made it home OK.
I honestly feel like he treats me like a mistress and he still thinks of her as his wife. He has called her baby since we've been married and when I asked him about it he got really defensive about it and said it was just a slip of the time. He also would harp on memories that they had when they were married a lot. He also has told me that she was very abusive and controlling when they were married. She threw things at him and even bit him one time when he was asleep for no reason.
His friends have backed him up on that story and it is true. When I asked him about it recently he denied she ever abused him. He says she's also going to counseling and she's getting much better.
she uses those kids as weapons against him she has told them that their daddy does not love them anymore because he married me. So now he calls them every day and tells them that daddy loves them very much always remember that daddy loves you to the moon and back daddy can't live without you and I'm always thinking about you. He also tells them that he loves them more than anybody and anyone no one else comes close meaning me.
I know his kids are his responsibility and they are to come first and I love he is a great dad to them. But she moved those kids to a different state before they were ever divorced. You're supposed to see those kids 83 days out of the year and he only gets to see them for two weeks because of her. He gives her a great amount in child support. And he pays for a lot of other things for the kids. He is involved in their lives as much as he can be. He cannot move to the state they live in because of his career.
when he came back from that trip he took to see his kids I saw text messages from his ex-wife. It is obvious she is working hard to get him back. She keeps telling him to divorce me and that I don't take care of him. No I don't know where she gets that from unless he's told her some lie. Now the kids when they do come to visit they are not allowed to come to our house he can only take them to his parents house when he has them apparently they are not allowed around me because of her. She knows nothing about me. I just want to get the chance to get to know them.
Apparently he told her he was going to buy a house in the next few months and she said she was very excited for that and that she was going to help him move provided that he divorced me. Also it was sad as she was going to buy his mothers house so she could be closer to him. This is something we never talked about.
He lied to her and told her that he had been looking online for a divorce attorney.
when I saw all of her text messages were she's trying to get him back asking him to go on cruises with her I was livid and I gave him three options option one was he would call her up and put it into all this option two I call her and put it into it or option three we would get a divorce and yes I had divorce papers in hand. He chose option one. And she hung up on him. So I texted her and told her to move on with her life that she was bitter and jealous and if she would give me a chance she would like me. If it anytime she like to have an adult grown-up conversation with me we would do it
I found out last year that he told her that it was stupid to marry me. This was after I helped him pay off his truck and it was not a small amount of money either. He said he only did it to appease her. I asked him how he thought I felt about saying that and he said he didn't even think about my feelings just hers.
I don't even know what to do. I don't think I love him anymore and I think it will be better off if we got a divorce. He seems to think of her as his wife and not me I feel like a mistress. He has treated me so much different since she had to say anything about our marriage. He absolutely will not defend me when she speaks badly about me. But he will defend and protect her if I say anything negative about her. I feel like the situation will never get better I've even suggested marriage counseling and he brushed it off. He's more interested in his YouTube videos on his phone. I can't live like this I need help somebody please give me some good advice. This is becoming too much to take. I gave up my friends my family my job that paid very well in an apartment that was very inexpensive To move here with him. I have no friends here.
Again he went out of town to visit his parents it's been 2 days and I have not heard from him. He doesn't care about me.