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SD nonsense update

Shieldmaiden's picture

So, here is my update for this week's SD nonsense. SD16 finally realized her housekey was missing, when she tried to unlock the door at our house and whoa! How did that happen? ( I took it back.) I didn't say a word. 

SD18 came over in a mood, and SD16 was fed up with her too, so they were both on edge. I came home from work the first day skids were at our house for the week, and DH was in the kitchen making dinner. I could tell he was on his last nerve because of their constant complaining. I rubbed his back and whispered "Thank you for making dinner, hon. It looks wonderful!"  and gave him a sheepish grin to indicate I understood his pain. He had to yell at the skids to get off the couch (They were both laying on it so I had no where to sit when I got home.) and join us at the dinner table. 

SD18 starts tearing her steak apart, huffing and looking at the inside with disgust. She says to her dad "Is this steak actually done, Daddeee?"   He says "Yes." She says "It doesn't look all the way done, Daddeeee." He says "Its safe. I wouldn't serve it to you if it wasn't."  She says "Oh, reallly???" with the snarkiest tone ever. I had had enough, so I look her dead in the eyes and said "If you want your steak cooked more, you can shuffle yourself into the kitchen and cook it. I don't want to hear anything more on the subject."

SD was, of course, more pissed. She started badgering her dad about other things, rapid fire, so that he could barely answer one question before she dismissed him and asked another pointed question. All the while she gives him this withering look. He says "You need to look at me while I am talking to you, so that I know you heard me."  SD18 glares him down and says "I don't NEED to do ANYTHING!." Oh my god, she is so disrespectful, I can't even believe the attitude she gives. I let DH handle it, as I didnt' feel like kicking her out of the house the first night, and DH was actually stepping  up and gently reminding her to have a little respect for her father, so that was a good sign. He was pretty angry.

SD20, who lives on her own, has contracted Covid and has not been vaccinated. She is isolating in her apartment, but called BM to ask BM to deliver her some groceries. BM said she was too busy ( ie, screwing her new boyfriend) so SD20 called DH to whine. AT the same moment, BM called SD16 to demand that she and SD18 deliver groceries to their covid sister. (Drop on doorstep - no contact, of course.)

SD16 is afraid BM will take away her new car, so she jumps when told to. DH was astounded at how shitty of a mom BM was. I got over being astounded about 8 years ago. That beatch has no maternal instincts. She is like a snake - drops a litter and takes off. 

SD is also on some kind of new medication for anxiety, which doesn't seem to be working. DH and I always the last to know, since BM and SD don't discuss her mental state unless its inconvenient for them - ie she is having a nervous breakdown. So, I am not putting up with any BS this week and if I have to tell SD18 to go back to her moms, I will. The rudeness is not acceptable and we are all tired of her attitude. 


JRI's picture

You and DH sound like you're in a good place, regardless of the SKs.


Shieldmaiden's picture

Yes, I called DH on some of his sh*t, namely his feeling sorry for himself and taking out his unhappiness about his job on me. I told him now that I am contributing $ to our joint account that is specifically for the mortgage payment, I won't tolerate him making large purchases for SD18 without consulting me. She is currently trying to get him to buy her a van to live in, although she has no job and no drivers license. I also told him our marriage might not survive her. That, I think, scared the crap out of him. He is also at his wits end with SD's attitudes and lack of gratitude. So he is starting to see the wisdom in what I have been trying to tell him. We are doing much better. Thanks.

JRI's picture

I'm 77 and have been thru it all with my 2 bios and 3SKs, now all in their 50s-60s.  Like you, I reached a crisis point and went to solo counseling which changed all our lives for the better.  I know right now the intensity of it all makes it seem like your lives will always be in turmoil.  But from here at the end of the tunnel, I see that those years DO end, the kids all eventually launch and you and DH will have many, many peaceful years.  The challenges you two navigate together will serve as a glue.  You'll both look back and shake your heads and wonder how you both worked full time and coped with it all.  You'll both also be more appreciative of your later, peaceful lives than parents who haven't gone thru the step trauma.  Life will be good, Shieldmaiden.


Shieldmaiden's picture

Thanks, Jri. It's so good to hear that. I know a lot of marriages here don't work out, but I think some of them do. As long as both DH and I are willing to work on ourselves and support eachother, I think we will be ok.It isn't easy, but we have come a long way from the time that the SD"s were little. Back then, BM ran the show. Now, Sd's are all aging out of the child support and BM has no more leverage left to use on DH. Now, the issue is dealing with a couple of slightly screwed up kids.