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Lonely

PB's picture

I'm going to the beach. I will stay there all night. I just want to shout there and no one hear me. Why God why? I will not answer phone I will not tell him where am I. I let him to be in love with her daughter and enjoy every moment while I'm dying slowly inside. I don't want to see anyone. Just waiting to get dark so I can go there. I just want to cry with sea. I'm so lonely maybe sea listens to me maybe not. 

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

PB, crying is a good purge. I've felt like that, too. It will get better. You need to put YOU first.

And you are not alone. We're here for you. {{{HUGS}}}

PB's picture

Thanks for bring here for me at difficult times. I have no one to talk, no shoulder to cry, no body by my side. I'm like a ghost. Invisible. Even at work I start to feel invisible. Hugs to you too. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I think he's selfish and loves himself more than anyone, including his daughter. 

PB's picture

I always though the boy who will be with me will be so kind to me, loves me and care about me. I though he would never let me cry or if it happens he will clean my tears. I would never think I woul be like where I am now...

stepmomnorth's picture

He will never be this man unfortunately and he has proven this time and time again. People are how they treat you. You deserve a nice and caring man who will take good care of you and your feelings. You can still have this. You have to let go of this man. You need a man who lifts you up and does not drag you down. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I've been there. I picked the wrong man. He is a gaslighting narcissist who mentally and physically abused me and I thank God every day for escaping him. 

Honestly, I think your H is unkind and terribly selfish and cares about himself over everyone and everything. A kind person does not have to love someone to wipe your tears and hug you. They do it because they have compassion and care for people who are hurting.

stepmomnorth's picture

This man is not worth your time. He's a selfish man. He thinks only of himself. You deserve a nice man who cares for you and your feelings and a man that treats you well. He will never be this man. He is cold and mean, you deserve way better. You have worth. You are worthy of love and being in a nice relationship. If he is leaving, I would think strongly to let him go. Let him walk away. You are an amazing kind person. Sending big hugs.

reedle2021's picture

We're all here for you friend.  Please, be kind to yourself.  You're only guilty of loving him and trying to make things work.  I am currently leaving my marriage.  My soon-to-be-ex husband was the same way:  it was all about his son, his son's mother and/or his son's girlfriend.  My husband has never worked, would use my money to get his son's girlfriend gifts, to get his son whatever he wanted, etc... his son is now 21 and won't work and here I am, putting in a 40 hr week at a stressful job only to come home to being ignored and given the silent treatment nearly every day.  It hurts.  It hurts like crazy.  But I'm here to tell you, once I started the process of leaving him, of letting go, a weight lifted.  I felt better.  I got stronger.  I am now about 2 weeks away from leaving him and his son.  I feel the same way toward his son that you feel toward your partner's daughter:  resentful, I don't love him, I can't stand to be around him.  But one thing I came to realize is that our issues have 90% to do with my husband and maybe 10% with stepson.  My point is that until your partner makes the choice to put you and your relationship first, nothing will change.  And if your partner is anything like my husband (and it sounds like he is A LOT like my husband), you will NEVER be first.  I found that thought so painful initially.  I was filled with deep sadness, depression and anger.  But now I am moving on to a new life where I can find happiness and maybe a partner who will put me first.  When planning my escape, I found it helpful to focus on all the horrible things my husband said and did to me during our marriage.  Let that anger carry you to a new life, one far away from this guy, his daughter and her mother.  I'm telling you that your partner's behavior will only worsen over time and his daughter might also start to treat you poorly (my stepson watched how his dad treated me and as he got older, he treated me the same way his dad treated me).  My husband tried to blame me for our relationship issues, he told me I'm selfish, neurotic, a drama queen - told me all sorts of things to hurt me and to try to make me feel responsible for all the problems.  My husband also never made an effort when it came to us.  All he ever cared about was his son and his son's happiness.  He never gave a second thought to my feelings or our marriage.  Everything was my fault.  And, like you, I paid for everything, my husband has never worked. So I work, pay for everything, try to be helpful and supportive even when I didn't feel like it, and all I got was that I was treated like a second-class citizen or more, like an animal, every step of the way.

I beg you, think about your situation.  Don't throw your life away because of this guy, believe me when I tell you he isn't worth it.  I know the hurt you feel, I felt it for years.  I only wish I had left after 4 years rather than 9, almost 10!  You can and will find happiness and when you leave this guy, you'll be so happy and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner!  You might need counseling, like me, as I also have been angry at myself for letting him treat me this way for so long.  But everything will get better - starting over is the best feeling in the world!

Please, find some support.  Don't do anything to hurt yourself.  If you feel strongly about hurting yourself, please go to the hospital for care.  Don't let this man ruin you and your potential for a wonderful life.  Happiness is out there, just waiting for you to claim it!  Smile Sending hugs!!!

PB's picture

I'm sitting at the beach. No one around. I could stay here forever. A street dog came and sit near me. At least she look at me and listen when I cry. No one will even find out if I dont go home. It's a sad unfair world. 

reedle2021's picture

I feel for you so much - I'm so so sorry. You are not alone.  I've been where you are right now as have probably many others on this site. Cry and get it out of your system, clear your head and then take care of yourself, re-assess your situation and think about what all of us posters have written to you on here.  We care about you. 

Harry's picture

I thought that being with a SO was to bring joy and happiness?  Not getting sick over SO behavior. If this life makes you that unhappy, that you must go away and be alone .  It's time for the old exit plan.   You only get to live once, Maybe this is not that way to live 

Winterglow's picture

How are you doing today, PB? 

Might I suggest you see your doctor to be screened for depression? Depression is an awful thing that can keep you in limbo, unable to move forward or find solutions. I hate to see yoiu suffer like this ...

PB's picture

Hi hun, thank you for thinkinig about me. I'm at work just working in the office at the moment... 

Yeah i might need a doctor but it's so expensive i can't afford it to go hun. But i have you here... 

Hugs...

DPW's picture

You need to start putting yourself first, no one else will do it for you.

The fact that you can't afford to see a doctor for possible depression but support two grown adults is absurd. Stop buying groceries for them and go to the doctor, please. 

Winterglow's picture

I agree. Remember when we advised you to start putting your salary into a new account that he had no access to? Also, there is no reason you should be supporting his child when he could get a job himself. 

You say you cannot afford to see a doctor. Let me ask you this, can you afford NOT to see a doctor when your health is so clearly suffering? Please put you first because you should be your top priority, not the pair of spongers who are feeding off of  you.