Skid week from hell
I almost lost it this weekend. Skids went by Crazy for Easter yesterday morning and I waited until they were gone to come out of our bedroom so I didn't have to see them- I have nothing left for them. I am in absolute bliss, knowing this is a skid-free week. It's like the sun is shining, not a care in the world (it's actually dark and snowy- IDGAF).
SD12 tried arguing with me on Sat, saying she didn't do something DH and I clearly saw her do. I started to get pissed, DH yelled at ME to stop, in front of a friend. I looked at him like he'd lost his mind, went into the kitchen by him and told him do NOT yell at me in front of people when your daughter is arguing with me about something we clearly saw her do- you yell at SD to stop arguing with an adult. I could see him trying to think of a good comeback, found nothing, and just said "OK". Thankfully SD asked DH if she could go sleep over at her friends that night, and I didn't see her the rest of the wknd. I sure hope DH learned what not to do next time.
There was more crap with SS15 too, but after I had a chat with him about how I will not put up with disrespect, him and I were fine.
I talked to my therapist on Friday about how DH said skids were always in the living room by him when I was out of town for work, and how they talk to me a lot when DH is gone, but when it's DH and I they are MIA. He thinks at this age, skids like attention, and DH and I have our own dynamic that isn't as skid-focused when they are there (true). So they prefer one-on-one time with either DH or I. That makes sense, and I tend to prefer it that way anyway. I absolutely hate the dynamic when skids AND DH are around. They become obnoxious and try to get away with things they wouldn't with me. I went to dinner with friends on Fri night and when I got home, SS was in the shower with music BLARING, while DH was in the very next room (the bathroom is right by the living room) trying to watch TV. You could barely hear anything over the music. I'm like, where is that music coming from??? DH said, SS, in the shower. First of all, SS already took a shower at 1pm, and he never blares music like that when I'm around, because it's f'ng rude and he knows it, and he knows I would call him out. Then I see that SD is sitting on the couch next to DH, in my spot. She doesn't move when I walk in. All I can think is, cool, now when I sit down she will leave and it will look like I'm the reason skids don't want to hang out by DH, which, Part of me didn't care, but I was in a bad mood at this point and didn't want to be around them, So I went upstairs to bed. I could hear skids being super loud and play-fighting and DH yelling at them to be quiet, and enough. Also, they don't act like that around me, and DH yells at them every time so I don't know why they do it around him.
Yesterday DH and I were talking about SD's attitude the past few visitation weeks, this week especially- she had given him attitude a few times also when I wasn't around. Much of it seems to be things regurgitated from Crazy. I told him I feel we're at a crossroads, or maybe just I am, but I can feel her attitude towards me shifting. He agreed he thinks it's going downhill, but he thinks when his work hours change from 12hr shifts to 8hr shifts in a few weeks that he will be around more to "lay down the hammer" and get things in line. I even explained a bit about disengaging, why SP's do it, and how I can see me disengaging even more than I do already if this continues. He actually said he understands, but when he's around he's not going to allow them to act that way to me or to him. I told him he can't force them to like me- He said no, but if he's around to be the bad guy yelling at them or enforcing consequences (ha! DH never gives consequences), then I'm the good guy of the 2 of us. lol.
We also talked about how I like to buy SD clothes/shoes sometimes when I find a good deal, but Crazy has this thing where she will go and buy the Wal-Mart version of whatever nice thing I have bought. I bought a stylish cute jacket, Crazy buys a sloppy huge sweatshirt-jacket a few weeks later, so SD wears that. I bought nice white shoes, Crazy just bought the thin cheap Wal-Mart version of them, so SD is wearing those instead. This always happens. I said I'm done buying stuff, DH agreed 100% and said I should stop, she doesn't deserve it with her attitude anyway, and if she needs something she will have to come ask him. He is frustrated with SD because the things I buy look nicer, but SD will always wear what Crazy buys instead because Crazy wants her to, and then she looks like a hobo. Fine SD, look like a hobo, I don't care.
One of the most frustrating skid weeks I've had in years, resulting in more steps of disengagement being put into place just to keep my sanity.