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ladybug1974's picture

Hi so we are taking the 8 year to a competition in a week, my partners ex calledand said she is going too , this is the first time dealing with that .  Do we have to sit togther ? will the 8 year old care if we are not sitting togther ? i really dont want to sit by her . How does this work ?  

JRI's picture

If you can force yourself to be polite and civil, that is best for everybody, especially the SKs.  We usually didn't sit with BM because she and her DH came separately.  But when I had to be with her, I maintained a polite and civil demeanor, no matter how I really felt.  Of course, if BM is obnovious to you that's different.

I'm 76, BM is dead and I  now realize our encounters were as unpleasant to her as they were to me.  Lol.  Steplife.....

ladybug1974's picture

thank you for that :)  it so hard ,, i never really think how i make her feel seeing me with her ex .. i guess thats shollow of me . just never really thought of that 

JRI's picture

Back in the day, I was so consumed with hate and envy of BM, I couldn't see anything else.  Later, like 20+ years later, SD told how envious and jealous BM was of me.  I could hardly believe it.  But I know now it was true.  How hard it must have been for her to see us happy and having all her kids living here.  I should have had more pity and understanding but I was blinded by hate.

ladybug1974's picture

she is a very not so nice person though, i dont hate her i just want her not to be around lol 

she goes away with my partners family for fathers day, she hands out gift to his family that they open up in feont of me at xmas , she hangs out with my exs sister, she doesnt know how to back off ,, with her around and constanly around how can i fit in ? then i have step kids every other weekend that i dont care for and to boot now this ,, things that we have to go together, i just dont think im strong enough and it makes me sad. 

JRI's picture

I feel for you.  With BM still relating so much to SO's family, I would have trouble with that, too.  She needs to move on in life, imo.  Perhaps reframe it in your mind.  She's trying to maintain relations with SO's family for the sake of the SK?  I did that for awhile with my ex's family, I thought I was doing the right thing for my bios. 

I totally understand it all making you sad.  Is your relationship relatively new, like 2-3 years?   I'm guessing that as time goes on, she will gradually step back some.  It took awhile for BM here to fade.

ladybug1974's picture

3 years , ,, i dont think she will ever stop. i hope your right at this time i just dont see it. i really hope your right 

Harry's picture

She is not your friend. You would not have anything to do with her if she wasn't the EX.  You don't have to spend energy to deal with her.   Sit away from her. 

Cover1W's picture

Um, no. The last event we went to for YSD and taking place after the PAS with OSD took hold, I told DH I was not going to sit with her, period. So I found seats with no possible room for a third party. Solved. BM arrived a bit late and had to hunt for a seat in the end.