HELP! Made big mistakes, but want to make it better
Hello all, here is my story . . .
I have four BDs (14, 16, 18, 18yrs old) that have lived with me since my divorce in 2001. Right after my divorce my parents moved in to help with the chidren. After two or so years of getting my life together I met someone that I am deeply in love with. We did everything wrong. The kids were 9, 11, 12, and 12 at the time. My parents left and my partner moved in the very next day. My partner came on really strong with the kids. The kids acted out. I was horrible at disciplining them blaming everyone but myself for the situation. We expected immediate Brady-Bunch bliss. Instead it was problem after problem. I tried to compensate with my partner by showering them with love, attention, and effection while not taking care of the real problems of parenting. I never stood up and really took charge feeling guilty and caught in the middle. My partner became increasingly frustrated with the children and my parental paralysis and eventually began marginalizing me. There is resentment and anger on all sides. It has been a very very difficult five years for all of us.
A week ago, my partner moved out. Despite everything we still deeply love each other and want a life togther. We are talking and want to come back togther, but we both are scared of continuing the hell we knew. My partner isn't sure if I can be the parent I need to be after five years of failing. Im scared of that too, but want to give it my all. I want to make it right for all of us. At some point we want to come back together. The question is how can we start over?