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Odd visits from investigators

markwvualum's picture

So my wifes ex husband has had 2 random visits from investigators, they confiscated his computers but eventually gave them back several months later. These were 2 separate investigations over several years apart. My wife initially broke down and told me he had issues with porn but later said the whole thing was a misunderstanding. Its weird she would believe anything this guy(her ex) tells her. Anyone else find this odd. She gets made when I bring it up or ask about it and almost on the defense of him. I dont trust the guy.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

He's been investigated and they found nothing. Your bringing it up without anything to add to the situation is worthless if not antagonizing. What do you expect from her?

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I don't get it... Are there kids involved? Are they being affected?

Just try not to worry about what the ex is doing unless it hurts the Skids. I mean s***, I don't even know where (or if) BM is working. Just know she's preggo, that upsets the skids, she's on drugs, which is harmful to the skids, and she lives with four males and 30 cats in a trailer, which is dangerous to the skids.

From experience, your wife is probably trying to be a blind optimist a bit, she knows her ex sucks (there's a reason the dude is an ex) and she wants what's best for her kids... And it's SUPER hard to get rid of the other parent... My DH did the same thing. He's finally opened his eyes some. But don't sweat it. Nothing was found, they returned it, the skids are safe. Not something to bring up again.

caitlinj's picture

Eh tough situation. The guys probably a creep and your wife knows it but denial is huge, mainly because he’s the father or her children and she married him. Let it go. If something else comes up try talking to her. Tell her you’re there for her to support her but not at the expense of her taking up for her ex (creep) who has cops knocking on him door and confiscating his things.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

P0rn would not be investigated unless it involves CHILDREN. My guess is that the exH is being investigated for that, but nothing has been found. Unfortunately, with no findings, the authorities can do nothing.

Java_Junkie's picture

Yeah, agree with DFTTT. Best thing is, IMO, just be there for her and let this go.

I know exes are all exes for a reason, and I will openly say my exes both had their issues that I found the relationship was untenable. Some points I have that I know for a fact that a strong case could be made about them both being a little bit "off" - or even BSC. First one (with whom I share adult kids who qualify as "failed to launch" due to her parenting) would probably say I "had some problems" just as much as I would say she did. Bottom line, she probably says I'm the reason the kids failed to launch, but that's simply her living in denial that she's a lousy parent and a massive control-freak. Everyone sees this about her, and I think she knows it... but whenever I'd try to mention anything, she'd lose her temper and shut me down. Denial is like an opiate - it's addictive to those who don't know how to handle a situation; and if you deprive someone of their denial, you'll likely suffer for it.

Second wife was Borderline Personality Disorder and always saw me as "abandoning" her (even a walk across the street to the grocery store) - so my filing for divorce from her was just more of the irrational junk she always had in her head. How can I subdue what's in her head? Had to figure it out: It's up to her, and she'd rather be miserable complaining about me than admit her problem and get well. Again, denial that she had a problem seemed better to her than addressing it together and getting well.

So, it makes me wonder if your wife is still in denial of something about her ex's problem, and you bringing it up is something super-painful. Maybe seek counseling?