Hi, Clove, I've followed your story for awhile.  I know you're looking for a therapist but I hope you ramp up your search.  You sound so unhappy, it makes me sad.  I had similar, hopeless feelings before I went.  I deep-down loved DH so much but our differences about the kids were splitting us apart.  Counseling sincerely changed my life and by extension, DH's and the kids' lives.  From this standpoint, 45 years later, the "kid years" were a tumultuous period, yes, but they've been gone for a long time and now DH and I can enjoy all these happy, contented years.  I can see that happening for you - gaining some insights, making some changes, seeing things differently, and ultimately coming out on the other side of this dark period.

Will it all be rainbows and unicorns?  Of course not, but you can grow closer to DH and work thru your "kid years".  You're always going to have FF in your life, just like I have SD60.  But Im still happy I stayed with DH.  I can compartmentalize her, she might affect me a few hours every week or so.  I have him all the rest of the time.  Good luck and please consider counseling sooner rather than later.

I just commented on your last blog. I hope you read it.

Truly rooting for you, I really am. BUT you are so above all of them, DH included.