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Rude or normal?

relationshipguru's picture

Just out of curiousity, at a holiday event (pre covid) where family is over is it rude for a mother to get in line first for food in the kitchen and get her demanding, spoiled kids food first before everyone else who are 6 and 9) even though there are elderly handicapped relatives in line behind her? Shouldn't her and her brats wait at least until the elderly people get their food first?

shamds's picture

Guests take food first and usually the elderly ones and often parents will take for their kids

a few yrs back i prepped a bbq feast for my inlaws with hubby and his nephews bbq the lamb and chicken. Ss19 had his plate waiting shouting “i want the lamb i want the lamb!!” 

None of our guests had even gotten anything because it was still being cooked but skids have no manners. Hubby looked at ss and told him off the guests haven’t even eaten. You can get food once all of our guests have taken something...

i was pregnant with a 9 month old baby and managed to prep all that meat and salads, side dishes for 30-40 people whilst ss stayed in his room and dumping rubbish outside. 

But he sure as hell wants to be the greedy prick that takes the good shit first!! Nope not in our home and not if i prepped. Hubby knows my rules how rude and disrespectful this is and since i prepped this dinner which ils love heeps, hubby happily abides and agrees with my rules

susanm's picture

I could see the mother of toddlers quickly grabbing a couple of "munchie" things to keep them occupied and not screaming at the table.  That is in the best interest of everyone!  But full plates for them or for older children?  No.  Elderly/hanidcapped are served first then able-bodied guests.  I get very tired of the child worshiping culture.  A  7 year old is not going to waste away if they have to wait 10 minutes for grandma and the uncles to get their plates and get settled in.

Disneyfan's picture

In my family the elders wouldn't have been in line at all.  The young adults would have been responsible for fixing plates and drinks for the elders.  

At the same time others would be fixing plates for the kids that aren't old enough to serve themselves.   

Once those two groups are squared away, everyone else can dig in.


Iamwoman's picture

I think it all depends on how she got in line.

If nobody else was getting in line or making the first move, then no - it's not rude at all. People hesitating to start the line make it awkward for everyone, so a line starter is always a social relief.

If other people were headed for the line and she ran ahead or pushed her way ahead, then yes it's rude.

Once in line, she should be making sure her children don't touch anything that is not going on their plates and that they don't breath on the food or sneeze on it.

Yes, we should respect our elders. 
However, metabolism slows down enormously in old age, so as far as who is served food first at a buffet - it makes sense for children to be given food ASAP to avoid drama and so that the adults can enjoy their food in peace.

Even animals make sure their young are fed before they eat.

I get the feeling that this woman is rude and unruly in other ways. Simply getting in line for a buffet first should not be enough to turn heads.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I think this just depends on the family.  In our family, children get served first.  The parents make their plates and get them squared away and then the adults get in line.  This is always the way it has been.  My dad and stepmom refuse to make plates until the little kids (not teens) are all settled.

Rags's picture

Rude.  Depending on cultural norms.

In Western cultures it is usually the norm to honor the elderly.  In other cultures it is often the norm for adults to put young children first and for the eldest present generation to deprive themselves for the little ones.


polonam's picture

Hello, I think it is very rude

Elderly have more honor, moreover children should respect them in many ways, especially in your situation

DPW's picture

I just always go last of the line. I find it rude when people rush the table like animals not considering people who should be going first like the elders, etc.