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OT... I need your help!

queensway's picture

So my son is getting married this month. I am happy but stressed as well. My ex will be there with his wife. I have met her once. Really that is not my stress level. I have had a few hard years and frankly they have taken a toll on me. But I want to enjoy the day. I try everyday to live in the moment. But this event has me thinking I may not be able to me myself. I will be seeing old family members from decades ago. I am okay with that but I know it will be hard. My ex husbands family has been nothing but kind to me. A true blessing. In fact I will be sitting at the table with my old sister-inlaw who I adore. But I struggle some days. I want my son to know that this day is for him. And I will do everything to make him feel that. But part of me is dying inside. I don't know maybe things are just hitting me today. So if any of you wise people on this site can give me some advice I will surely embrace it!


advice.only2's picture

Pamper yourself, take some time for self care before and after the event. Get a massage, get your hair and nails done, maybe a facial. Go in there knowing you are there for your son and going to have a great time supporting him. The moment you are dreading (seeing your ex and his spouse) will probably happen so quickly you won't even remember it over all the other wonderful moments from that day.

hereiam's picture

Most of the time, I find myself imagining these situations to be much worse than they turn out to be. You will probably have a great time.

ESMOD's picture

As you said, this event is about your son.  You and your EX created an amazing human being together and you both deserve to see him and celebrate with him.  

If they were being honest, your EX and his wife are probably equally on edge about this.  It's really the time when everyone should put on their best Thespian shoes and act cordial.  No reason to linger overly long with all those other relatives that you need to catch up with... but taking the high road is not a bad look. lol.


SeeYouNever's picture

Have someone that can be your buddy for the event, these things get hard when we begin to feel alone and have too much time with your thoughts. Is there a friend or other family member you can stick close to? If not then circulate and keep moving, you don't have to be near your ex.

This is silly but I wear glasses because I'm nearsighted. But if I'm ever at an event and there is someone I don't want to bother with I don't wear my glasses. That way they are blurry and I don't even see them. This won't work for everyone but you can also stand or sit with your ex to your back, just do little tricks like this when you see them so you aren't tempted to look at them or dwell on your feelings. Sometimes you have to trick yourself into making people disappear.

Lollybobs's picture

I do ths too! You're the first person I've ever heard of who does this apart from me.