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Vacation without stepgrandson

Bethany's picture

StepGS's bio grandmother engaged in PAS (parental alienation syndrome). She taught him to see me as evil, a drunk, name it. I have been forbidden to speak or be with him for a very long time. I disengaged from all of them. 

I thought it was going well, but DH is acting all upset at ME because stepgrandson isn't here on vacation with us. . I told him he can see him. anytime and to take him to the ocean without me. Further, I told him I am not a doormat, have been VERY hurt by them, but DH brings is all back to him and says "I should have my family here". I've spent 20 years of having his family. Why would they want a "drunk" around the stepgrandson? Why, all of a sudden, do they want to "lift the ban" so I can take this grandson on my only 2 week vacation of the year ?

The kid clearly does not like me and told me so. Said ALL kinds of hateful things about me and made sure bio grandmother knew. 

I thought I was going to be supported. But, DH is angry. 


hereiam's picture

Your husband really expects you to take someone who treats you like crap on vacation?

Why is he not angry at his grandson for treating you the way he does?

"I should have my family here"

You are not his family?

Bethany's picture

I thought the same I not family? Literally this is the very first 2 week vacation I have ever taken. I work 2 jobs and paid for this myself. But, he's in a snit as my family came (they just left) and he can't bring his adult SD or GS. They both despise me. 

ESMOD's picture

I would tell him that if he had done a better job supporting you and insisting that his family treat you with respect that this wouldn't be an issue and that people that had treated you with kindness would have been more than welcome to join you on vacation.  But. he allowed his family to do the opposite.. it's no one's fault but HIS OWN that they are not welcome.  He allowed that bed to be made.  Maybe if he had fought harder for you in the past....

notarelative's picture

I'd tell him that he was welcome to go home, pick up his family members , and take them wherever he wants. JUST NOT HERE. I am not paying for people who don't talk to me, talk badly about me to others, accuse me of awful things, and I never see. And those people who came, they are his family. They are his in-laws. In-laws who treat him as he should be treated.

Harry's picture

why would you want to spend your time and money on people who does not want to talk to you.  His DD want to dump. SGS on anybody who will take him. It’s SGS fault for not being nice, his fault he’s is missing out on a great vacation.  You would not catch me spending my money and time on these people.  To be disrespected by both of them. 

somethingwicked's picture

Close your ears and your wallet to this Ahole man who is a manipulated guilt ridden WEAK father ,grandfather and lousy partner when he chooses to shove you under the 18 wheeler that is driven by his  weasle of a GS and the BioHag daughter.

Short Term solution :  EARPHONES with your music turned up ,a  nice cold beverage of choice or two or three  and IGNORE his whining. Tell him to go swim in the riptide or something.

 Long Term: And when you get back from this not so relaxing vakay insist on marriage counseling for him to help him  see the inequity .  That is,  how  he EXPECTS YOU to  fix the issue he created and also as long asyou are the target he can fly under the radar of their derision.Believe me they hate him as well. 

You are expected to sacrifice  yourself ; keep taking the blows and insults  and ,too,  he wants you to just keep on swallowing the disrespectful sh*t his 15 year old GS (who is the toxic avatar of the toxic daughter ) continues to shovel your way .  AND that this man , your "H" , is incapable of any form of parenting this child.  He is the real problem afraid of rocking the  dysfunctional family boat by correcting his GS unacceptable behavior and daughter as well.   

That GS should not be rewarded for the blatant and disreputable disrespect in real time( often to your face !) that he heaps upon you with  his GrandDisney Daddee 's blessing..that is --YOUR husband the sickening whimp.

I would not stand for any of this and let your "H" know he is on very thin ice as far as this "marriage" is concerned.

The GS is awful but your husband is worse AND the real issue when he does NOTHINGto "fix" it  he condones the behavior.

Stay strong and protect yourself ,your self respect and spirit.  Your "H" does not have your back as a partner. 

notasm3's picture

I think a good part of the reason Dh doesn’t try to get me to accept the unacceptable is that he know how I am. I do not suffer fools. He’s pretty sure that I would drop him along with his worthless son if he tried to force me to include him. And he’s right 

Rags's picture

For those deserving of the message and lesson the lesson sucks.  That DH is reacting as he is... is clear proof that he is in just as much need of the lesson as his toxic shallow and polluted gene pool is.

Stay the course, keep delivering the message without remorse.

Enjoy your vacation without he presence of his toxic shallow and polluted gene pool.