Thinking about having a child

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Me and my husband want to have a child, but I'm really nervous about it. I want a child too, but our stepdaughter is very jealous when it comes to her father giving me affection instead of her. She is only 9 years old and doesn't stand a lot about how things work. (I'm also the most intense relationship her father has ever had in her whole life so she's not used to it.)

I am very nervous about when I get pregnant and my husband feels more affection for me during that time and the more care and help I will need as I progress. I'm also super worried about when we do have a child and both me and my husband want to give the baby affection. I can already see temper tantrums and jealous action happening if my husband holds his new child and gives it kisses and hugs instead of our daughter.

Unfortunately, my husband is already in his 30's and he doesn't want to be an old dad, but I wish we could wait. At least until our daughter was a little bit older.

Why are you saying "our

Why are you saying "our daughter" ?

Did you adopt your stepchild? If you didn't, she's not your daughter.

Where is BM in all of this? You need to step back and remember that you're her stepmother, which can still be a great relationship, but not if you push all of this "our daughter" stuff.

Anyways, if you two want a baby, have a baby. If SD throws temper tantrums or gets jealous, she's old enough to be sent on timeout until she's ready to behave. That's what we did with my 7 year old stepdaughter, who was 5 years old when my son was born. We sympathized with her for a few months, but finally, enough was enough and we were both going crazy with her outburts. So we told her that it's time to give it up - we're a family and our family has grown and she won't get away with bad behaviour (which includes being overly jealous or an attention hog) so we sent her to her room until she was ready to stop every. single. time.

After we started doing this, her relationship with her baby brother improved drastically. You could clearly see she was finally able to let herself love him and enjoy playing with him. They have the sweetest bond now. Just the other day I watched her sit with him patiently helping him put on his shoes and my heart melted. But they never would have had such a great bond if we let her get away with dwelling/showing negativity about the situation.

Kids need to be reminded that they're part of a family and it's not all about them so they can actually enjoy it instead of feeding into their egotistical, selfish nature and turning them into brats who only care about themselves lol.

Even bio kids get jealous of one another

Even bio kids get jealous of one another it can take any child a while to learn to love a sibling if ‘they were there first’. I guess a consideration might be who is able to discipline or talk to the child that is acting up. It’s certainly a lot easier keeping two bio kids in check and not having to answer to anybody. I have read awful things on here about stepchildren going to other relatives saying stuff that’s not true, about stepmums. Is that likely to happen? You and your partner should do what you want as a couple, and maybe plan how to handle a stituation. Some children don’t get any easier in their teens. Some do.....

Do you want to be a mom?

Right now you are not a mom. Stepkid counts for nothing. Trust me, there is nothing in the world as wonderful and life changing as becoming a mom. There are some women who do not want kids, but you certainly don't sound like one of them. We all have a limited biological window in which we can have babies. Do not let that pass you by or you will end up bitter and resentful of stepkid. Take the long view and consider what you want out of life, then go for it. Who the hell cares what stepkid thinks - not your problem.

Your DH created this

Your DH created this behavioral problem. What makes you think he will not create similar issues in a child he fathers with you?

Kids get jealous of new ones.

Kids get jealous of new ones. It happens. I mean he!!. My dog is jealous of the new puppy some days (also his favorite playmate. lmao). That should NOT be the deciding factor. She'll learn and adjust and it'll get better with time as long as you're both firm about the bad behaviors.

I think it's just time to decide fo ryou. What do you want? Do you feel that he woul dbe a good dad to your child? Do you believe you two are solid?

I know for me, I think a bio might be nice, BUT, me and him are raising his two, Psycho is useless, it's hard enough as it is. I also feel that we've been on shaky ground for a period, so while I do see an upturn with progress, I refuse to have a baby unless I can be sure I'm going to have a partner to raise it with and that we're rock solid. So my babies are my furbabies. Maybe there will be one in the future, or maybe not. But that's completely for you and your Dh to decide, regardless of SD's tantrums.