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Adult Step Children

grammak1952's picture

Does anyone here have adult step children who treat them like that are toilet paper on their shoes?

 

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ESMOD's picture

I don't.. but there are tons of people on here that do have this issue.  I don't think it's that uncommon at all.  It can be a really difficult dynamic for adult kids to see their parents break up.. or to see their parent with a new partner..   And.. don't let me get into the very real risk that adult kids might see of their inheritances getting shuttled over to other people.

Right now.. I can think of 3 people I know personally who had a parent remarry and in the end they were 100% cut out of the will because Stepmom inherited everything.. and in one case stepmom was supposed to split things but they didn't because bio parent died first.

Merry's picture

My SD told DH that she doesn't care to be around me because I am a reminder that her parents are not together. DH and I have been married 15 years, and I was not the cause of her parents' divorce. And I will always be the outsider. 

In my case, my adult skids are generally polite to me. While it's clear that SD would prefer I not exist, she doesn't generally act on it other than the occasional passive aggressive slight. And there are times when we laugh and chat. I never quite know which SD personality will show up when I see her. Several months ago we had a lovely visit, and this last time I was nearly invisible the whole time. I dunno--but I don't dwell on it. Not my problem.

I stay out of the relationship between DH and his kids, until it affects me. I think DH still acts like a guilty disney dad all these years later, but not my problem until it involves my time or money or other resources. And then I participate if I want to, or don't if I don't want to. Now and then I give DH a reminder about who is the wife and who is the daughter, but even that is fewer and farther these days.

24 years as a SM's picture

In case you missed the latest crap from Leech, read my blogs you will see what crap I have put up with for almost 30 years. 

shamds's picture

i avoid any contact with them as they do not respect my and my kids boundaries and privacy, they do things that are inappropriate for my kids and quite dangerous as one of my sons is seriously allergic to some items and does get anaphylaxis but hubby has decided to see this as his daughters being playful and showing affection when they’ve been wholly inappropriate, rude and disrespectful. Yeah they’re so called playfulness could put my son in hospital...

i enjoy being disengaged.

what pisses me off is hubby knows full well the shit i put up with but he’s now convinced himself that these issues are made up and invented by me. Theres nothing like having your husband of 4.5 years that you’ve had 2 kids with tell you you’re a liar indirectly but sulk like a major manbaby.... 

marblefawn's picture

Yes, my 30-something SD has been a festering wound from day one. I remember telling friends before we married that I thought SD might be a problem in the marriage. They all said, "Nah! She's 19; she's not a little kid. She has her own life. She won't intrude on your marriage." They were so wrong.

She was and still is the single threat to our marriage, although I've largely mitigated her impact. After years of eating shit sandwiches, I disengaged more than two years ago and it helps a lot -- it felt good to take back some control, even if I didn't really have much choice other than disengaging or eating more shit sandwiches.

Dovina's picture

They never let me forget via PA behavior. Like Marblefawn I knew my SD would be a cancer in our relationship and marriage. My very first eye opening was mine and DH's (then BF) first vacation. When 30 something SD called him while on our vacation "we need to talk", of course not knowing I immediately said you better call her back it must be an emergency.....yeah NO! The rest is history, although boundaries have been put in place (for most of the time).

disrestep's picture

I unfortunately have a few adult skids who treat me worse than that. It no longer bothers me how they treat me, it is now actually quite comical and predictable. What bothers me is how they treat their father/my DH. They have no respect for him.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Yep, head on over to the Adult Skid Forum. And it doesn't matter how long they have been an adult....some are in their 50's - 60's.

Siemprematahari's picture

My H has an adult daughter and I don't give her the opportunity to treat me like sh!t because the 1st time she did I shut her down right than and there and do not allow her in my space. People will do what you allow so if mistreatment from adult step kids is your situation I hope you are creating strong boundaries and not tolerating the BS.

mollygreen22's picture

I can wait till my SS is an adult,  im sure hes going to turn his parents into human ATM mechines "oh i got fired" or " I cant find work"  Entitled little S**t is what he is im will be on a beach drinking momosas i do NOT have the patience lol

CLove's picture

The eldest SD20 Feral Forger. She never liked me at all because she was jealous and then she was rude because I would ask her please do your dishes or please dont put the rabbit on the furniture without a towel, or please dont let the dog on the furniture.

Now, at 20, shes mad because her father married me, and because I have boundaries that must be respected. She has always treated me like dirt. For example, she will direct questions that only I can answer to DH, then walk off when DH-then-SO would say "oh thats clove you should ask her."

He never got to the root of what was behind her behavior, just got focused on the what. Ive discussed it with munchkin sd13, what is behind her sisters behavior, so that she understands how things are, and as a way of perhaps understanding why her sister treats her badly as well as everyone else.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sociopathic liar. Lacking empathy, going into rage mode, then victim mode when she doesnt get what she wants.