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How to react when ss4 cries for BM whenever he gets into trouble at our house

smomof2's picture

ss4 started this new thing a few months ago where he cries for BM whenever SO or I try to discipline him or tell him to do something he doesn't want to do. He cries for BM when he's asked to brush his teeth, go to bed, sleep in his bed instead of ours, when he's asked to eat his dinner, when he gets time out, when he's told he can't watch another episode of Diego, when he's told no when he asked to be picked up, when he gets in trouble for hitting his ss3, etc..
When ss4 first started doing this SO would say "Mama's not here muchkin", then gives him a hug, comforted him and showered him with attention. Me on the other than when he asks for BM, I would walk out of the room. After two months of that, SO and I talked and agreed to ignore him whenever he cries for BM, hoping he will stop that behavior if we ignore it.
That seem to not be working either. In the last 3 hours he's cried for her at least a dozen times. It's getting on my nerves and frankly I'm getting sick of it.

I understand that it's normal for kids to want their mother but in ss4's case, it's only when he doesn't get his way. I know he's only 4 but I feel like he's being manipulative.

How should SO and I handle this? Any advice/suggestions is greatly appreciated.

LemonGrassLove's picture

He is being manipulative. My SS3 used to do this but lately we've been sending him out of the room. Different things work for different kids but any time he's whining about anything we tell him to go into the other room because we don't want to hear it. He still whines but quietly to himself instead of the full on fits that were happening. Honestly, it's improved his behavior alot.

janeyc's picture

I think its perfectly normal that he does this, I would tell him once, you will see Mummy on ??, then after that just ignore it, attention will just feed this, good luck.

smomof2's picture

Unfortunately BM is so unreliable I can't promise the ssons when they'll see their mom next. For example this was her weekend with the boys and yet, seh asked us to keep them, promissing to pick them up today at 9am. Last night at around 10 PM, she left a voicemail saying she has won't come by to pick them up as promised but will get them monday evening from daycare.

janeyc's picture

Oh dear thats not good, no wonder he's gets upset easily, kids need routine, the poor little chap, with a Mother like that your ss is lucky to have you both.

Orange County Ca's picture

It worked great for two months why should he stop now?

He'll give it up eventually.

Justshootme's picture

I would love to know how to handle this. My SD10 (chronologically only! She acts like she's 6) pulled this same crap this last weekend when she got punished for flat-out disobeying what her dad told her to do. I so wanted to just lock her in her room and tell her to stuff it. Fortunately, my DH wasn't so gullible as to fall for it and told her to "quit playing that game!" and "It isn't going to happen, so stifle it!" She still kept crying, but at least didn't pull the "I want Mommy!" crap again. }:)

kishjo2004's picture

My SD used to do this. Whenever it was time to clean, be disciplined, etc. She would always cry and yell "I wanna go home". DH would fall for it and console her and I had to get onto him too. I explained to her that this is her home too, even just for the wknds and that tantrums would not be tolerated. I told DH that he was being too easy on her because if any of our biological children tried to pull that, it would not go over so smoothly.

Don't give into the tantrum, because he will keep it up. He knows what he's doing even at this age.

RVM's picture

My SD is 4 and started doing this on this visit. I am generally the one who sets boundaries and rules, just by the nature of our personalities. SD's favorite thing now is to talk about how much she wants to be with BM. It's making me hate being around her. Have yet to figure out what to do about it and spouse is of no help on this front -no clue what to do about it.