You are here

Well, this is enlightening. From the POV of someone with NPD.

moving_on_again's picture

I always suspected that BM was never happy. It's interesting to read this perspective. No, it's not BM. She can barely type a text. 

https://www.quora.com/Are-narcissists-really-as-miserable-as-people-clai...

Are narcissists really as miserable as people claim? They seem to be happy and succeed in life at all times.

Lucy Langdon, Narcissist

Answered Feb 25

I’ll answer from my experience.

Rarely do I ever feel happiness or satisfaction. Sure, I can and do pretend to, but it’s all a lie that I sometimes even trick myself into believing. Inside I mostly just feel emptiness, anger, a lot of fear, hatred, and a bottomless pit of shame.

My NPD screwed me out of success. Guess what happens when you are so afraid of feeling shame that you can’t admit you’re wrong even though everything around you is going wrong? You drive yourself further into the ground doing the same stupid things like blaming others for your mistakes, avoiding, acting like an arrogant ass, lying… until you completely self destruct. I’m trying to change and make things better, but it seems I just unconsciously sabotage my success any chance I get. Then I wonder why I’m failing and blame the world.

Being a narcissist has made my interpersonal life an absolute shit show. I end up hurting every single person I ever get close to. My relationships follow the same pattern every goddamn time. I’m aware of the pattern, yet I still go through it. It’s humilating, really. Idealize, devalue, discard. I even do it to close friends. I’m trying to change this, and there’s part of me that knows I’ll die alone and never be able to love someone as they deserve to be loved if I don’t. I honestly want love so badly, but I seem to destroy it any time it comes my way. I end up hurting good people who don’t deserve to be hurt at all because I’m so fucked up inside and am embarrassingly oblivious to my behavior and my effect on people.

Also, my parents are narcissists. The fact that I grew up to be just like my abusive mom and dad sits horribly with me. I have to live with the shame of that everyday.

In my experience as a narcissist, yes I’m miserable. The worst part about it is that, aside from my childhood trauma and cptsd issues, my misery is self induced. The thing that causes my misery (my NPD) is the same thing that blinds me from clearly seeing and accepting that it’s self induced. If I can’t see the problem, then I sure as hell can’t see the solution. I only just realized that as I typed it. At this point, I desperately want change.

For me, being a narcissist isn’t happiness and success at all. That may be what I present to the world and what I wish with every ounce of my soul to be real, but my reality is exactly opposite. No matter how many people validate me, it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough.

I’m babbling on about my feelings, but I hope this gives you an answer to your question.

 

There are more questions she answers about narcissim but I haven't the time to read them yet. 

Comments

LimaPapa's picture

She's exceptional and should be studied.  It's argued there is no 'cure' for NPD because the person doesn't believe there is anything wrong with them. This girl realizes she has problems, and would like to change. Very unusual for NPD.

I was talking with a grief counselor once about my sister who is textbook NPD and she said the only cure for a narc is a bullet. Harsh and a little shocking, but it's true.  I've always described my sister as less than human.  

I've learned the signs and if I get an itchy NPD feeling right or wrong I stay as far away from that person as possible. They seems to be attracted to me.

moving_on_again's picture

It is remarkable that she is able to recognize it in herself. NPDs don't like me because I just speak the truth....their enemy. Also, I believe BM is Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic traits. She is very self-conscious and has low self-esteem but pretends not to. You can read it in her body languarge, though. 

strugglingSM's picture

Same with the BM in my life. She has “borderline tendencies”, but has never been diagnosed. She also shows signs of narcissism, but ultimately she’s a self-conscious bully with a fragile ego, who of course, thinks all her problems are due to others, never herself. I told DH that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to BM, because now she can blame DH for everything that goes wrong in her life, even things that have nothing to do with him. Of course, MIL, who is sort of narcissistic herself and who has always somewhat of a bully to DH (even though he is her only child who never turned away from her, even when he should have), believes BM and blames DH.

BM is also creating both SSs in her image (like the person in the post above). They already blame others for everything and take zero responsibility for anything.

moving_on_again's picture

I am sincerely thankful that DH's kids don't seem to have BM's tendencies. Well, except the constant lying. However, I don't think I've ever heard them blame someone else for their problems. 

moving_on_again's picture

What's funny, is the way I talk about BM makes me sound like the Narcissist. Like I really believe I am so much better than her. Narcissists believe they are better than everyone. I honestly think that everyone has a chance in this world. Not like we can all become millionaires or something but we can make something of ourselves and be respectable productive humans in society. BM just doesn't choose that or is unable to because of her disorders. She went to court-ordered family therapy a couple with her new husband, her kids and her skids, because she is violent. The therapist said, "Why are you here?" BM said, "Because of (her) SD!" BM had attacked the girl who was 10-11 at the time and left a large bruise on her back from slamming her into a chair. Yet, it was SD's fault. The therapist straight up said, "We don't place the blame on others for our own reactions." I wish I knew her name, I'd hug her. I heard all this because BM's SD told her biological mom who I am friends with. 

Also, if you click on the link that girl answers more questions that were pretty enlightening as well! 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Fascinating, just fascinating. And I agree with LimaPapa that this woman should be studied.

My husband's eldest daughter is a  narc. Being analytical and an overthinker, I could never understand her way of being in the world. I guess in part she's wired that way (mental instability on both BM's and DH's sides) and then none of the adults in her life ever corrected or guided her. I have never experienced anyone quite like her, and the description of anger and emptiness is spot on.

I'll be chewing on this for a good while. Thanks for sharing.

moving_on_again's picture

If you go to the link, she answers more questions that are pretty fascinating, too. It actually freaked me out how much it was like actually knowing most likely how BM thinks. The author admits she only thinks of herself. What's also interesting is that she won't give a lot of details. I suspect she was much meaner than she is letting on but still doesn't want to admit that. 

LimaPapa's picture

Her other answers were scary.  And she scored a 40/40 on the narc test.  I took it and scored a 3/40. 

moving_on_again's picture

I found a test and I scored a 7/40. Not sure if it's the same one, though. It was pretty obvious which answer was going to make you score as a narcissist. I still answered honeslty. What's funny is - the narcissist answers - I really do believe BM thinks those things such as "I can manipulate people into doing what I want," and "I can make people believe what I am telling them." But we don't. If you know her for more than 6 months, you quickly learn she is not good at those things although I think she still believes she is. 

moving_on_again's picture

This is the same test I took. 

I have no idea HOW I became a Quora member and I have had several friends say that, too! However, I kind of like it but it's a time waste if you let it be. 

LimaPapa's picture

I used to be a member, and yes I wasted a lot of time on there.  They suddenly starting making you use your real name and you can be searched so I just creep now LOL 

There are some very interesting folks on there. 

SacrificialLamb's picture

I get the Quora questions on this topic too and just read this over lunch. I have a lot of narcissists in my life including my own father and OSD. It's interesting to see some of the questions and answers on this topic, but usually the advice is no one can win, and stay away! Some times you don't have a choice, I guess. 

moving_on_again's picture

I thought that was very insightful for her to say that. However, what was frightening is that she said that she treated her best friend like crap and then her best friend got everyone to hate her. I think the actual case is that the best friend told others the truth and they decided staying away from the author was best. She still can't see that! 

Reghernandezz's picture

I can relate to this 

i was recently diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (plus other stuff as well) and i am absolutely miserable. Everyone around me thinks I'm awesome and that I got life figured out but that's just fake it's absolutely a bunch of lies it gets to the point where I even forget what the actual truth is and I just make something up in my mind and stick to it I tell people just to seem great and I know this is wrong but I just get stuck in this thought loop of "oh I need attention or else I'm gonna feel like I'm worthless" and it's fuckinh messing with my relationships and I just feel helpless sometimes as if I asked for help people would go away because of how much of a dick I am