Well, this is enlightening. From the POV of someone with NPD.
I always suspected that BM was never happy. It's interesting to read this perspective. No, it's not BM. She can barely type a text.
Are narcissists really as miserable as people claim? They seem to be happy and succeed in life at all times.
Lucy Langdon, Narcissist
Answered Feb 25
I’ll answer from my experience.
Rarely do I ever feel happiness or satisfaction. Sure, I can and do pretend to, but it’s all a lie that I sometimes even trick myself into believing. Inside I mostly just feel emptiness, anger, a lot of fear, hatred, and a bottomless pit of shame.
My NPD screwed me out of success. Guess what happens when you are so afraid of feeling shame that you can’t admit you’re wrong even though everything around you is going wrong? You drive yourself further into the ground doing the same stupid things like blaming others for your mistakes, avoiding, acting like an arrogant ass, lying… until you completely self destruct. I’m trying to change and make things better, but it seems I just unconsciously sabotage my success any chance I get. Then I wonder why I’m failing and blame the world.
Being a narcissist has made my interpersonal life an absolute shit show. I end up hurting every single person I ever get close to. My relationships follow the same pattern every goddamn time. I’m aware of the pattern, yet I still go through it. It’s humilating, really. Idealize, devalue, discard. I even do it to close friends. I’m trying to change this, and there’s part of me that knows I’ll die alone and never be able to love someone as they deserve to be loved if I don’t. I honestly want love so badly, but I seem to destroy it any time it comes my way. I end up hurting good people who don’t deserve to be hurt at all because I’m so fucked up inside and am embarrassingly oblivious to my behavior and my effect on people.
Also, my parents are narcissists. The fact that I grew up to be just like my abusive mom and dad sits horribly with me. I have to live with the shame of that everyday.
In my experience as a narcissist, yes I’m miserable. The worst part about it is that, aside from my childhood trauma and cptsd issues, my misery is self induced. The thing that causes my misery (my NPD) is the same thing that blinds me from clearly seeing and accepting that it’s self induced. If I can’t see the problem, then I sure as hell can’t see the solution. I only just realized that as I typed it. At this point, I desperately want change.
For me, being a narcissist isn’t happiness and success at all. That may be what I present to the world and what I wish with every ounce of my soul to be real, but my reality is exactly opposite. No matter how many people validate me, it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I’m babbling on about my feelings, but I hope this gives you an answer to your question.
There are more questions she answers about narcissim but I haven't the time to read them yet.