Treating the BM Like A Disease My DH Will Always Have
This morning I’ve been reading about Narcissistic Personality Disorder from a narcissist’s point of view on Quora. Interesting stuff.
I’m pretty sure BM has NPD based on her actions, opinions of people who have known her for decades, and oh yeah, that little golden psyche report which came back “inconclusive” during the divorce.
So I’ve been reading about things from this Narcissist’s point of view and I feel like it is helpful to do so. I like the gray rock method, but I also feel a need to reach a certain emotional conclusion about BM. I feel it will prepare me for the potential of SD13 becoming NPD also. Sort of an odd move on my part. But I wouldn’t be doing it if it didn’t make me feel somehow better.
Reading how sad and terrified a Narcissist is of abandonment, how miserable they are and how basicaly they are incapable of normal human connection makes me feel better. Sort of a “Ha!” I feel like BM isn’t just getting away with things. She is not exempt from the old wisdom, we reap what we sow. She is really pitiful. Not worthy of lasting anger. I mean, am I still angry at that ear infection I got years ago?
So beyond me feeling satisfied that she is making her own punishment for her continued wickedness, I am also able to privately begin to (verly slowly) forgive BM for how screwed up she is, the horror she made of her marriage to DH, and the theft she has committed against SD13. She can’t help it. She is literally functioning as less of a person. She lacks empathy.
I’m doing this mental work for me so I can be my best for my family.