How do I get BM out of my headspace! Advice.
Here's a bit of background - my Fiance has 3 children, SS10 SS9 and SD5. BM is a now ex drug addict party girl and they had a horrible on and off relationship for about 7 years ish, never married. They got pregnant with their first in their early 20's after dating for 2 months, Fiance has said they wouldn't have made it 6 months if it wasn't for that but he was "staying for the kids" (Dumbass!) She did drugs, was out partying all the time, wouldn't get up in the mornings to help with the kids, would sneak out in the middle of the night, left for almost a year at one point then he let her back for some stupid reason, stole from him, stole from his family, cheated, lied etc etc etc. She ended up getting with another guy she's still with and he got out of the relationship then.
We met almost a year later and have been together and tight since. She did not like this! I think she thought he would always be her back up or something just incase her new relationship didn't work out. In the beginning they had no set scheudle, it was whatever she said went, so it was alot of her last minute telling him he was taking the kids for set amount of time, then last minute bailing on picking the kids up when she said she would, or lieing about her power being out and getting him to take the kids when we had tickets to an event already, the constan texts messages and phone calls and pop ins, the constant Facebook messages and likes and comments and tagging him in old photos, or posting pics of her and the kids and tagging him in those. She has called my workplace to yell at me. She used to walk into the house when I was there and she was dropping the kids off to borrow DVD's from him without asking, super akward. Obviously pissing on "her" territory. Just caued a lot of drama in the beginning, we had a ruff go in the start and I'm so glad our love for each other overcame this crazy woman.
My Fiance had no clue about his rights then, before I came around. Things are different now, and we finally have a court order, week on week off, holiday schedule etc. Things are better. But still not to where we'd like them.
I need advice on getting this woman out of my head space! I'm someone who worries alot, and I can be a jealous person, and I can't stand that I overthink everything and constantly ask my fiance if she's emailed (he now has her blocked from his phone and will only communicate through email with her)
The week the kids aren't with us, we don't hear a peep. Then when it's our week "off" it's constant emails about things she could easily ask the kids and get an answer from them, and it always turns into a fight, she's just that person who can create drama and problems out of thin air. He hates communicating with her because of this.
I've sugessted he only communicate with her on the switch day to exchange info from the week and unless there is an emergency or something that has to be discussed it can wait until the following switch day, and that he doesn't have to respond about every stupid thing she thinks to email him about. Is this unreasonable?
Is it better to just tell my Fiance not to tell me anything unless it's something I should be informed about. I've been in the mindset that I want to know absolutely everything that is talked about between the two of them, I think this comes from the beginning when she would text him she missed him and asked if he was missing her. Now that I know that nonsence has stopped, maybe it's better I am just not in the know. I'm having a hard time with this, with not knowing, but maybe it is for the better and hopefully after a month or so I get used to it and it gets easier.
Advice? Sorry for the long post.