First "run in" with SO's family!
Background... I have been with my SO just over a year. He has 2 boys SS3 and SS5, whom I cannot stand. Little bratty kids. Mean to my kid, (BS2) etc. Anyway, in that year I have met my SO's parents one time and they only live an hour away. We went to visit so i could meet her for the first time and the only thing she said to me was "hi". Didn't make an effort to talk to me. whenever she comes to town she calls SO "and says why don't you and the boys meet me for dinner". She never invites me. It's ok really, I don't want to go so I can be ignored and watch her fawn all over the skids.
Anyway, We have been trying to coordinate our Christmas's with my parents and his. SO and his mom had a conversation and it went like this (from what I got out of it)
She basically said "you and the boys come to ABCtown Saturday" and he said "We have Xtina's christmas at her dad's saturday" and she basically told him to skip it and his family is more important. Then I heard him say "Mom she is my GF and i will be bringing her." then "yes her son will probably be with her"
After their convo, SO told me this is what she said to him: She doesn't want to include me but if he insists I come, I am not to bring my son because they won't be giving him any gifts. So basically my son and I would have to sit back and watch skids open a bajillion presents and be left out. I just know the skids would be little assholes to my son like they always are.
I said to him that I would rather not go at all if I am not wanted, especially if she is going to say that about my son. I do not expect her to open her heart and treat my son as her own grandchild but at least she could be NICE.
Luckily, my SO sneakily arranged it on a day I have to work, so I don't have to go. I am a very likable person and very normal and I wish she would make an effort to figure that out.
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I agree with you! She is a
I agree with you! She is a very controlling woman who wears the pants. He said "she is just protective and doesn't want me to get hurt again." Well guess what bud, I am not the same person as your ex and your mom needs to know that too. He is very defensive of me and says he will talk to her but you know how men turn into babies and can't stand up to their moms.
Maybe she doesn't want you to
Maybe she doesn't want you to go because you are just a GF?
Well, we live together and we
Well, we live together and we love each other. I don't see how excluding me would be an option. Christmas is about celebrating with people you love.
I'm not saying she is right,
I'm not saying she is right, I am just thinking from her point of view. Unfortuantely, that piece of paper makes a difference. Now, if you were to marry and she still treats you that way, then you have a big problem on your hands
You're right and I don't see
You're right and I don't see being married will change her.
Maybe BF has spoken to his
Maybe BF has spoken to his mom about how you feel about his sons.
Maybe the SSs told her you don't like them.
Maybe she hates your son.
I have to give grandma kudos for being honest. Much better than playing nice then bitching about it later.
Her being honest gives you the chance to take steps to protect your child. For me that would mean keeping him away from then woman.
just over a year?? maybe
just over a year?? maybe time to rethink investing more time into this relationship, UNLESS you're cool with dh spends holidays with his family and you with yours.. b/c it sounds like there won't be an "our" family while mil is alive.
and think about bs and him growing up with those asshole skids & inlaw(s).
my mil was much nicer to me when dh & i were dating, she still doesn't really recognize me as PART of the family, i'm usually "MY son's wife" unless she wants something, then i'm fave dil.
i wonder how that old bitch
i wonder how that old bitch would feel if your parents treated her son and grandsons like she is treating you and your son? funny how people never think about that. you and ds aren't family to her? fine. maybe her son and gk's arent' family to your parents, so they should just treat them like shit, too. i don't actually mean that, i just don't understand why she can't see that this can go both ways and think about how she would feel if it were the other way around.
when my cousin first started dating his wife of 8 years now, she had 2 little boys and they all came to Christmas. my gramma was with me when i was Christmas shopping. i was looking at things for the boys (that was a good year and i was getting for all the kids) and she told me "you know, they aren't family. you don't have to get them anything." i was livid. i told her I DON'T CARE. my cousin loves them and accepts them, so i do, too. i told her it would not be fair to have all the other kids getting gifts, but not them. i cannot believe how ignorant that woman is, even to this day. and the thing is, she would be pissed to no end if any bf's family of mine left my daughter out like that. she would rant and rave about how horrible it is to leave a kid out at Christmas, bla bla bla. (no one ever did this to my daughter, btw). but somehow, it is ok as long as the kid isn't family to HER.
Him going to his mothers
Him going to his mothers house w/o you and your son is just as bad as her not wanting you there.
My DH let things like that go for so many years while we were just "BF & GF that lived together" that now that we ARE married we have absolutely NO relationship with ANY of the in-laws.
If anyone in my family were EVER to treat my DH and my Skids that way, they would NEVER see my face again.
WE are a family unit and therefore WE are priority.
I'm sorry, but you should get this handled immediately because it WILL GET WORSE. I'm speaking from experience.
She will continue to disregard you because her son is allowing her to.
"She probably doesn't love
"She probably doesn't love you or your kid and that's why she doesn't really want
you or your child around."
I don't need her to LOVE me, accept me- yes. I don't expect to be her best friend or daughter she never had. There is no reason for her not to include her son's girlfriend in Christmas. If she was a decent person, she would accept that her son loves me and at least try to be nice. She is a disrespectful nasty human being.
That's exactly how I feel.
That's exactly how I feel. They don't need to LOVE me, but they do need to RESPECT that I am his wife and treat me accordingly.
They choose to treat BM with that respect instead of me. He never married BM yet, she gets all the WIFE status while I am shunned. At the end of the day, I could give a shit. I can't stand any of them anyway, they are ghetto trash.
these fathers also have a
these fathers also have a responsibility to their kids to raise them to be decent people that people can like, but they sure don't own that responsibility most of the time. if fdh was going to stay single until he found someone who liked sd20, he would be alone forever.
Thank you! A men! They need
Thank you! A men! They need to teach their kids to be likeable so a woman will want to be around them. This all boils down to single dads need to step up and raise their kids better.
^^^EXACTLY!!!^^^ It is up to
^^^EXACTLY!!!^^^
It is up to the PARENTS of the child to bring them up right and to teach them to have respect, class, etc.
Because not only will a future SM not like them but people that they come into contact with every day won't like them or want to be around them!!!
Here's the problem.
Here's the problem. Unfortunately. You a grandma would be on your ds's case to find another woman rather than being on his case to raise children who are well behaved. Grandma spends her time whispering these things in her son's ear, son sucks it all up, disrespects his so in front of his kids- because, hey, maybe mom is right it is all my girlfriends problem. The kids see the fathers disrespect toward girlfriend, they eventually model it themselves-until what you have one day is a whole entire extended family of people who blame the stepmom. How can we step moms help but to bitter?
When in reality all the mil needs to do is be polite and cordial to her son's so and so needs to parent his children adequately. Simple. But it's so much more fun blaming the wicked sm.
If you would ever encourage
If you would ever encourage your son to get back with the mother of his child, then you are the exact Mother In Law all of us on here hate. Obviously it didn't work out for a reason and sometimes its best to not do the on again/off again charade. I read on here all the time about how SMs hate their MIL because MIL still carries a torch for the BM and doesn't give a second look at her son's new SO. I hope you are never in this situation because you will just be creating another resentful SM on this site.
See I just don't believe the
See I just don't believe the majority of sm's start out just disliking the skids because of their existence. I know I sure did not. In fact I began with a position of caring as it was the man I love's son. I eventually bonded to this child and loved him. So perhaps I am just naive in thinking the majority of sm's are like me- starting out with loving hearts and open minds and then BAM! Things go horribly wrong and when sm tries to utilize normal tools such as communication- not only does no one listen nor care but they decide it is the sm's fault.
I have never once felt that he was a constant reminder of bm or that dh had another prior relationship. I've never cared. I have experienced some truly dysfunctional Inlaws who have spent years playing games with me, whispering in my dh's ears. They have worked extremely hard over the years to destroy my family. It boggles my mind why they couldn't have just taken the easy route of respecting their Son and his choice and being polite and cordial to me.
Common sense would simply dictate that if you as a grandma would like to enjoy your grandchildren and have a close loving relationship with your adult child, it's probably best not to try and alienate the woman he has chosen to be with. My plan, when my kids are grown is to work to forge relationships with the people they've chosen to share their lives with so that I can continue to be close and involved in their lives. I guess I'm just silly that way though!
As an SM of older skids, it
As an SM of older skids, it gets tiring that every year they bring someone new to the holiday get togethers. I have photo albums FULL of different gfs/bfs of theirs and while on a normal day I don't care, during the holidays I like to be with family. And though your BF might consider you family, his mother does not.
The other thing is, I agree with the others that maybe she has heard that you don't like her grandsons. Then the problem isn't your MIL, but your BF for sharing whatever happens in your home with her.
Sorry, but your last two
Sorry, but your last two sentences made me laugh.
If she knows you don't want SSs playing with your son's toys, sleeping in bed... she may, think you're a nasty human being.
I feels sorry for your BF. He has a mother who hates his GF and SS and a GF who hates his sons.
If I was to go to his
If I was to go to his family's christmas, I would not bring my son. I would take him to his dad's just for that reason. I don't expect them to buy him presents so why would i bring him over to watch? It was just the way she said it. She does not want me to come and doesn't want my son there either.
My BF hardly talks to his mom
My BF hardly talks to his mom at all. Once a week to catch up. he says she nags him too much. She says he spoils and babies his kids way too much and he is lucky to have a woman who puts up with his kids and BM drama. Her exact words. I highly doubt he has told her about my dislike for his kids.
What I am angry about in this situation is she TOLD him that I was not invited to Christmas. That is very offensive. Not like i was super excited to be there, and be ignored either.
The reason I dislike them is because they are little brats. I don't like them for the same reason I don't like my neighbor's kids. They are loud, obnoxious, bossy, and bullies. The skids gang up on my son and tell them he can't play with their toys that are NOT EVEN THEIRS. Last night SS3 said "GET AWAY FROM ME LOSER" to my son. They break my sons toys intentionally, they jump on his bed, they broke his christmas tree. That's why I dislike them.
He agrees he spoils and
He agrees he spoils and babies them because he doesn't want them to hate coming over. I don't usually point out things I notice about his parenting but I recently got on him about potty training his almost-4 year old and instead of getting defensive he started potty training (been weeks and still not trained though).
He doesn't deny he spoils the kids. He literally gives them whatever they want.
Why do you want to spend time
Why do you want to spend time in her home? She has made it clear that you are not welcomed there.
Since you're all for SMs disliking/hating well behaved, polite SKs, I don't understand why you're bothered by this.
It's normal not to invite people you hate into your home.
i read that these kids are
i read that these kids are brats and bullies. where do you get that she is all for hating well behaved, polite skids? oh yeah. you're just throwing your own words in there for the sake of trying to make her look bad instead of actually referring to anything she said. typical.
I question that myself. I
I question that myself. I told my SO that while my BS2 can be a naughty little terror sometimes but at least he is NICE and POLITE and CARING towards others. I told him I think his kids are bullies and he promises to work on it in the future but for now they "are just little kids"
I'm referring to something
I'm referring to something she said to me the other day.
Disneyfan, NOWHERE on here
Disneyfan, NOWHERE on here did I say I want to go to her home. I said a couple times I don't want to go anywhere I'm not wanted or welcome only to be ignored and placed 2nd to the skids.