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Oh HELL no!

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 7:27am

The last time both of my SO's boys were at our house together, they destroyed my son's room. When they left that Sunday night, I came home from work and my son's room was DESTROYED. Pictures had been ripped off the wall, his clothes from his dresser were thrown around the room, pages had been torn out of most of the books, and toys were broken. (mind you my son was not there at the time, he was at his dads)

Last night when my SO and his 2 sons (3 1/2 and 5) got home they beelined for my BS2's room. I stopped them and said "We are not going to be going in BS2's room anymore to play" SS5 said "Why?" and I said "Last time you and SS3 were here you guys destroyed his room. That's not fair to him." SS5 ran and told his dad "Xtina said we are not allowed in BS2's room!" My SO said "WTF is that about?" I said
"Maybe take some toys into the living room. I am not having his room destroyed yet again." Later we talked it out and he said he understands.

Fast forward: Last night after I went to sleep, he snuck the kids into my son's room and put them in his bed. (my son is at his dad's all weekend). Last time they slept in his bed, SS3 peed all over the bed! (the kid's not potty trained but takes his diaper off at night) I told my SO "no more sleeping in SS3's bed. I don't think that's ok."

I woke up this morning and went to grab something from my son's room and THERE THEY WERE in his bed and.....

The bed was soaked in piss.

Comments

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:03am

We kinda talked about it last night and I put it this way to him "What if you had a roommate and when you were gone, the roommate slept in your bed and fucked with your stuff and pissed or had sex in your bed." You would feel violated. Not that I'm comparing adults and kids but the same feelings are involved. My son's room is very special to me because that's all his stuff that I work hard to provide for him. That's where we read stories and cuddle before bed, etc. I'm feeling territorial because that's HIS room and HIS stuff and he has never had to share before. I told my SO all this and he understands but also he said he wishes his sons had their own room and their own stuff. Right now they sleep on the couch with sleeping bags, but surprisingly he has never peed on the couch, which is a brand new leather couch I bought a few months ago. He has only peed the two times in my son's bed.
Before they moved in a month ago, they never had their own room. Their too small toddler beds were smooshed in my SO's bedroom. So it's not like they lost out when they moved in. They will have their own room when we move in a few weeks.
I see my SO's point and he says he understands my side. So you can imagine how mad I was this morning and I'm at work now but I betcha my son's room will be destroyed again when I get home.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:03am

It's her place. He needs to leave.

The only other place for his kids to sleep is on the sofa.

I would not want a kid who isn't trained sleeping on my sofa.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:12am

Right now we are still in my apartment... we are supposed to move into our new house in mid-December.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:19am

Yes it is both of "our" house. I do agree with your idea though. That might be the best solution, as much as that pains me. What am I supposed to say "Control your kids or I'm not moving?"

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:21am

I would really like to not have that be the case. If there is something else I could do or say without it coming to me not living with him, then I would really like to know!

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 9:38am

Maybe if he knows you are not in a rush to move in, he will try to parent his unruly kids if he wants to keep you.

I think that's exactly what will happen. Not to make him sound like a pushover, but I think if he sensed I am unhappy, he will do anything in his power to fix it. I honestly don't know why we rushed. We have been together for over a year so it's not like we rushed to live together. I guess we just want to be together more often.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 1:20pm

I'm dead serious. For his 3rd birthday, my SO's mom bought him pull ups and underwear as in "GET THE HINT" and that day he put the kid on the potty a few times and he went but then he went right back to diapers.
I don't know how many hints I have to drop!

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:46am

Put a lock on your sons door you've been clear with your SO, he doesn't care what you say and is showing you that loud and clear. At this rate I'd be concerned where this is going to keep going.

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 8:58am

i'd kick them out of there, rip the pissy sheet off, and drop it on dh's head. that is BULLSHIT. this is exactly what you were trying to avoid, and he goes behind your back and lets it happen anyway. he needs a wake up call.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 9:55am

I guess your SO should be out getting your son a new mattress right now.

I would not be moving into a home with him.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 12:25pm

This is a great idea, I'm going to have to look into it. It will probably piss everyone off but I don't care. It's my money that pays for all the things my son has so of course he doesn't care when his kids break stuff.

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 12:45pm

Totally, and a hook closure doesn't put too many large holes into walls. It's less extreme than kicking them out, but gets the point across. So what if it pisses everyone off? That's natural consequences for him letting his semen demons have complete run of a house that isn't even his. Hell, you could even put a chain-lock up.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 12:49pm

OMG Semen demon. Hilarious!

But yes you're right. I'm going to the store tomorrow to get one!

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sun, 11/25/2012 - 2:16pm

Xtina - I get the fact you love this guy and want to spend more time with him (hence why he moved in with you and then why you are moving into a house together). I also get you want these issues, more than anything, to be resolved so that you both can continue happily down the path you have choosen and move in together as planned.

However, can I point out that the time before you move in is the time you iron out any issues and problems that arise. To be blunt, its also an incentive for the person who is refusing to address any issues to resolve these problems in order to get their OH's to agree to move in (i.e. you use yourself as an incentive).

Now obviously you guys are living together, so this point is moot but what concerns me is that your OH is not *seeing* the fact there is an issue with his children's behaviour, with HIS parenting, with the fact you are reasonably saying "your kids don't just get to help themselves like little animals to my DS's things..." and to top it off he sneaks them into the room behind your back?!! Right now your OH has moved into your territory/home effectively and the fact he has no compunction about disrespecting your home and your child's things in order to facilitate his own lazy parenting and destructive children is a massive red flag as to the level he will likely go to when you move into a home HE OWNS. Nothing stops him now (and you would think to a degree it would considering that room is your son's), WTF is he going to be like in a home he has bought?!! He runs roughshod over you now, in your apartment, ignores you while pretending to agree/understand and respect your wishes and enables his children to continue disrespecting your things...

Personally I would not be walking into a situation whereby I was worse off then I was at present, and I suspect that's exactly what you may be doing if you move in with him and his children into his home.

Sorry this is jimpo.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Thu, 12/13/2012 - 5:54pm

Make your SO wash the pissy sheets and remake your son's bed. I bet it won't happen again.