What to do ... What to do ?
Hello everyone, this is my first post on here. I found this while googling my "problem" and thought why not just post and see what I get back from you all. Well here's my story ... I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 50. He has triplets with his ex-wife who we refer to as, "Satan." I'm not going to get into details but she truly is a "piece of work" (to say the very least.) Their kids are 15 and will graduate in 4 years. Boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. When we initially met he wasn't divorced but separated (she had almost a dozen affairs in their 20 years of marriage) and finally he had enough. The divorce process took a long time due to her wanting all his money but it officially ended about a month ago. From day one he's been the most amazing, sweet, loving, genuine person I've ever met. I was burnt a couple times before him and when we met we both were "done" with love but something happened and we changed our minds. I knew he had kids and a horrible (almost) ex-wife but true colors of the kids and her didn't show until about 6 months ago. It seems like the closer to the finish line (of the divorce) the worse they all got. She ended up getting a lot of money from him and very little debt; while he is facing bankruptcy and is struggling to pay the basic things ... It's very sad to see/hear. He's such an amazing and loving man - he's seriously a dream come true and who I believe to be my "match" ... except his "baggage." His kids are awful to him! I've never seen teens act the way that they do towards their parents before. I myself was a handful as a teen but these kids make me look like an angel. They've seen how their mother acts over the years and they've mirrored her behavior now. I myself never wanted kids because I wanted to travel the world, move to the west coast, have a successful career and be 'free' in life. As you're probably thinking, what I want and what my boyfriend has to offer isn't exactly the same. I know this and that's why I'm so torn right now. I love him so very much but I absolutely hate my current job and location - I crave the ocean, clear blue skies, sunshine, and liberals ... not snow, ice, coldness, gray skies, and conservatives. SORRY this is NOT a political thing, I'm just trying to explain the general area where I fit in best. There's nothing wrong with being conservative, I'm just more liberal in my thinking/ways. Anyways, I'm seriously thinking of saving as much money as possible and following my heart out to Cali in 6 months. I know that my BF won't be able to come because he had kids and it breaks my heart. We've spoke about being together forever and getting married and our future. He hates where we currently live too but he's stuck here until his kids are graduated - 4 more years. He asks if I can please just wait until then or at least another 2 years, he thinks they'd be older and wiser by then but I just keep worrying that even if I did stay for 4 years, how do I ensure they actually break free from "daddy?" What if I give him 4 years then they're still around. We cannot afford 3 teens in Cali. I make good money and could provide for him and I but not 3 teens. To be honest, they're not mine so why should I have to anyways? I know I sound like a horrible person who is extremely selfish and I am but I'm also a very loving and caring person. If his kids were the kids I met, I don't think it'd feel these emotions I do when they're around. It's very very hard to be "nice" and want to do this and that when they're complete spoiled brats who do nothing for my boyfriend except make demands and cuss at him when he doesn't do exactly what they want. I just feel so torn I feel like I've finally met my Prince Charming and we'd have such a wonderful life together ... but these kids make things so difficult. I just don't know what to do? He's even admitted that his kids are brats and they've been spoiled over the years. He doesn't know what to do with their behavior issues (example: they refuse to go to school most days and when he starts taking their crap away, they'll call him every name in the book and one time they even slapped/pushed him) I really really hope someone can tell me what they think?? DO I try to stick it out another couple years to see if things get better then hope that in 2 years he will move with me? I told him flat out that I will NOT wait 4 years, I'll do 2 and at that point he can either come or stay and we'll do long distance. I don't feel this is unreasonable considering they'll be 18 going into their senior year of hs and their mother is in the same city we all live in. OR do I just start making my plans to move in the next 6 months. I know he will be heartbroken if I tell him this is what I'm doing and I will be too. I just don't want to waste my life away and currently I'm so depressed about everything, I need some reassurance that cutting my ties is the best for everyone; or if I should try to hang in there another 2 years. In a perfect world, he'd just move with me now and he'd see them during summers and Xmas break but I know that's wrong of me to even think. Again, this may be selfish thinking but from what I've read on here, people don't judge and we've only got one life - I think we deserve to be a little selfish.