Wake up call
Yesterday YSD proceeded to be her mouthy disrespectful self. This time she kept telling DS he was dumb every time he did something. This was repeatedly and intentionally mean and she is well aware DS is dyslexic and insecure about it. He has to work twice as hard as other kids to maintain good grades.
I told her someone with a zero average shouldn't be calling other people dumb.
She then proceeded to call BM and they both bad mouthed me over the phone.for over an hour. While YSD told lie upon lie victimizing herself and accusing DS of the same behavior. Well I had it. I made sure to tell her and BM that I am tired of her thinking she can be defiant, mouthy and disrespectful in my home. I also made sure to let both YSD and BM know that DS would never dare act like YSD because he actually knows what discipline and consequences are and isn't allowed to run feral like YSD and her sister.
I told YSD she will be leaving immediately and she will be losing all the comforts her she has taken for granted and will get the pleasure of sharing a room with her sister again. YSD just looked at me with that evil smirk she gets where she really believes she is the one in control. I just smirked back because I know otherwise.
SO actually yelled at YSD and if course she started screaming and lying to BM telling her to call the cops because she was afraid for her life.
After a discussion SO agreed they are leaving today. For the first time ever he looked at me and said how he felt completely powerless and helpless. He knows how bad his kids are and is embarrassed by Thier behavior every waking moment. He is tired of always hearing from everyone how bad his children are. He doesn't know how he is going to be able to do this for the next 5 years and is lost and depressed looking at his life.
I told him how I felt and that I can't live like this anymore. SO was understanding. I unloaded on him how his behaviors hurt me too and that I needed time to heal from all of it. I am tired if being angry all the time, because my hurt turned into anger.
He brought up how I have been harsh with him since Christmas and that his self-esteem has been in toilet because I am always reminding him that he is a shitty parent I acknowledged that I have been harsh lately and speaking out of anger and frustration because this is the most dysfunction I have ever experienced in my life and I am being attacked by 4 people all the time and he has not been a good boyfriend to me.
I told him I need to get counseling for myself. I need to bring peace back in my life and find my sanity in order to be myself again.
I am using the only control I have at this moment to set a limit with YSD and I know she thinks this is a bluff because she has gotten away with treating me horribly for so long with zero consequences. Now she will experience natural consequence of losing our relationship and everything that comes with it, and it will stay that way until she learns she can't treat people that way.
She will lose the comfort of her own space and room which means everything to her. She flips out at the idea of even myself or SO going in her room and will go back to sharing a room with her sister. She will go back to living with her sister who she hates because she acts just like her and losing her friendship with DS who is kind to her.
I told SO I find it mind boggling that she has watched OSD be dropped like a bad habit by everyone and yet YSD still wants to behave the same way.
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Comments
Good for you
Well done on getting them both out of your house. You and your son deserve some peace.
One thing that I keep getting from the situation is that by avoiding confrontation your DH is creating massive disasters for his kids. They get away with murder so they keep pushing and pushing other peoples limits until the end result is huge and final. If he had stepped in and managed them earlier, they would never be experiencing such drastic consequences.
I can't say 100% that him
I can't say 100% that him stepping up would make a complete difference as BM does reward their bad behavior.
But at least if he tried and established a level of respect from them, early on, things wouldn't be as bad as they are and he would have some influence over them.
They have more respect for me than they do him because I will stand my ground and that isn't saying a lot.
Hear what you are saying
And of course they have more respect for you. You have standards and boundaries.
Too little too late, SO. I'm
Too little too late, SO. I'm glad you made them leave now.
Did you put up with BM's crap for an hour just to finally say what you wanted to?
YSD made sure to have the
YSD made sure to have the conversation right in front of me and I let her have her moment because I knew I was gonna have the final say.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Wicked, there is one thing I
Wicked, there is one thing I want you to remember in this:
They. Don't. Care. About. You.
They don't care about what you do for them, or their relationships with you and DS, or their rooms at your house, or the kindness you have shown.
They want things out of you, and if you stop giving it to them, they'll just find someone else to give it to them. There are 7 billion people on this planet, so scratching two names off that list isn't a big deal.
You stopping isn't a consequence to them. They won't learn from it. You aren't doing anything to them. They'll behave badly and BM will reward them, so if anything, you setting boundaries only results in them getting praised.
You mean nothing to them. You've put yourself through hell for nothing. I don't mean that to say you didn't do good things. I say that so you just 100% stop. Nothing you do will make any sort of differences to them because you aren't human to them. You're a means to an end. That's how little respect they have for you.
Yes, I agree. It would be
Yes, I agree. It would be nice if they regretted how they treated you and missed what you did for them, but they won't. You will just be one more person on their list who supposedly victimized them. Look at all the adult kids on here who cut off even their bio parents for refusing to cater to them, and never look back. They don't even seem to miss having a relationship with their father - and these aren't alienated kids, they are just grown-up versions of your OSD and YSD - entitled, demanding, take everything and give nothing types.
My DH thought he had a great relationship with his former stepdaughter - was in her life from 12- 22 or so. She even came to see him after he left BM. But then she asked him to co-sign a car loan for her and he refused - and she has never spoken to him again, and it's been 10 years. She's just like BM and thinks only of herself and what others can do for her.
And unless your SO does some serious soul-searching and changing, he's going to be catering to them for the rest of his life. Don't sign on for that ride.
Agree tog
They are going to flip the narrarive to everyone to make themselves look like the poor cinderalla stepkids driven out into the world by heartless step parents.
Now they are both out of wicked's space she can do a mind cleanse and regain some peace. (I'd reward myself with an end of tenancy cleaning service to freshen up the house and make sure all traces were removed.)
I truly appreciate and
I truly appreciate and respect you for being up front and honest about the harsh reality. Sometimes that what I need to hear. Thank you!
You did the only thing you
You did the only thing you could do. Their behavior is so reprehensible that there is no other choice, however, like Lt. Dad said, they don't care. They have been very well trained by BM to make you hate them. She has created these monsters, the best part is, that she as to deal with them.
Except she doesn't. She dumps
Except she doesn't. She dumps them on Wicked's SO and he has to deal with them. Except he doesn't either, he just lets them run amok and makes excuses for them. The two of them have ruined these kids' lives and created two menaces to society.
Your SO is a whining victim
Your SO is a whining victim as well. He's hurt you have been harsh with him? He doesn't like being called a bad parent? poor baby. The only one who has made him helpless and powerless is himself by keeping his balls in OSD & BM's hands.
Why didn't he man up and do something about it? Set rules and boundaries. Seek help. Get couseling. Get a parenting class. Send OSD to a group home. Set punishments.
This is all his fault. Do not shoulder one ounce of it.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your support. I know that if I don't step aside he will never learn to stand in his own two feet
He did send me a nice message and apologized for the way he treated me and not being there for me.
This is his burden to bare and he has to figure out how to handle this.on his own. He will either sink or swim but I have to not be his enabler.