leaving today and i feel good about it
i know i am doing the right thing. pretty much all of these posts were right on. i found out yesterday that he had been hiding a few more conversations with his ex from the past several weeks. so more secrets, more lies. he said he has been afraid of his ex and i finally interacting because she may be cruel and tell me things that he has said, even during my relationship with him. red flag? i think so. some recent conversations with her were even about me / my personal life. also with his kids. the conversations were about information that bm should not know about me. the son seems to think i am taking all his father's money and that's why he wants me to go away. little does he know i had my own business in new york and came with my own money. and that all the furniture he sits his ass on is mine. he'll realize that when he comes to visit this weekend. i was going to take the beds because i bought them too but decided against it.i am sure this is typical for teen age kids to think, but put that in the mix with all the other crap and you have youreslf a nice big recipe for the D word.
after begging and pleading all day yesterday, he went back to the fact that he was still confused and maybe he is begging me because he doesn't want to be alone. and that he really needs to move closer to his kids and continue with soccer and other activities. he also admitted he still has some emotional connection with bm (20% he says) and that now that i am going he wants to try to work on resolve with her to build a better co-parenting relationship. my gut tells me it's not over with them. he asked if after he 'fixed' himself if i would be willing to come back. i said i don't know. we can't say what the future holds.
so everyone, as much as i wanted to think that maybe i made a hasty decision, or maybe i might be leaving too easily - i don't think so. i feel good in my heart knowing this is the right thing. he is a man that does not need to be with anyone right now. he is messed up, confused and just not ready.
so the movers are coming to pick up my boxes in an hour and i have a flight tomorrow morning. i asked him if he would take me to the airport tomorrow morning but i am thinking of just taking the last flight out tonight and not be here when he returns from work.
so what have i learned from this?
1) do not get involved with a man from a long marriage who has not finally divorced or who has not had enough time to have closure and move on emotionally. although people may seem / be oficially 'divorced' that does not mean they are 'emotionally divorced'. this is not fair to anyone coming into a relationship with a person like this. in fact i think there should be a law or restrictions against it. but every situation is different i guess.
2) it's OK to take risks for love as long as you are prepared for the worst while hoping for the best. and as long as you don't lose or compromise yourself entirely. ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN B
3)listen to your gut! your gut is usualy right on.
4) know and understand the difference between giving everything and just knowing when to walk away.
5) timing is a crucuial ingredient for the success of all things
if i miss the boat to have kids, that is somehting i will have to come to terms with later. perhaps it's just not meant to be. but i know that trying to have a child with a man who doesn't have full resolve with another woman and having kids who already resent me (for no good reason) is just plain stupid. i want a life with love, respect, honor, compromise and truth! maybe i won't find it but i'll take my chances. no more anxiety attacks, daily tears and broken heart.
i will defeinitely stay on this site and update you on my whereabouts and give a little advice here and there when i can.
wish me luck!!
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Comments
Good luck!
You sound very confident about your decision which is great! I know it's not easy but you will find what you're looking for. You are a very strong person that knows what she wants. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Keep us posted!
Good for you!
I'm so glad that you are emotionally okay with this. You are making the right decision. Please do keep us updated! Good Luck and you'll be in my prayers!
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!
Good Luck
I know this was a hard decision to make and carry through, but I think you've done the right thing. I'm right now being faced with this decision myself after a 3 year relationship. Again, I don't think my BF had enough time of being alone after his divorce. I think that is a key for some guys..they need to adjust without another woman in their lives. In my case, he had a 2 year relationship before me right after he divorced, and hooked up with me right after that ended. I think he needs to be alone and lonely. Do I sound vindictive?
Anyway, good luck to you, looking forward to hearing from you and how you are handling things.
Hanny
I'm glad you feel at peace
I'm glad you feel at peace in your heart! I think you're making the right decision for yourself and wish you the best!
You will stay in my prayers. And you must stay on this site because you always give me great advice!
Good luck and God bless you!
GOOD LUCK!!!
I am so happy you have made your decision. I wish you the best of luck!
You go girl...
What an inspiration....I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but you are being so strong and that is awesome. Good luck on all of your future endeavors and relationships. I think you did the right thing in following your gut. So many times us women or maybe I should just say myself, in the past, make up excuses for why someone is behaving the way they are or excuses for why something just doesnt seem or feel right and in the end you always learn that no, you werent crazy, you were exactly right on point in thinking or feeling the way you did. GOOD LUCK
ok i lied
i don't feel good about it. i am so sad. i feel like i am falling apart.
i just got an email from bf's parents. they are incredibly sad and do not want this to happen. they are hoping we can reconcile over time. heart wrenching.
Get Rid Of Him
I'm confused as to why he didn't not get the reversal right away. You said that would be a deal breaker from day one, so why on earth did you get engaged etc. and he never went through with that? That would be number one on the list, and secondly please do not waste anymore time with this guy. He has not shown you a whole lot of maturity and the fact he is spending time with the ex says a lot. If he won't do those things, and move even farther away to start a new life with you, then leave and don't look back.
Forget his parents, they do not understand what has been going on. I'm really afraid this guy will tell you more bs, to continue to string you along. Tell him to get the reversal, and have someone else coach those games. He won't do it, so don't waste any more years.
I know
The initial break up where I moved out occurred in May of this year. We kept talkign and had secondary break ups in July and August. It hurts. We are with you and sympathetic. Life does get better. My heartache is still there five months after moving out. I haven't talked to her since August. In retrospect it was the best thing and still is the best thing. Yet, it stil hurts at 3 AM.
Bless you.
Kevin
Of course it hurts. Whoami,
Of course it hurts. Whoami, you are having normal feelings about this situation. I'd venture to say, we've all had these same feelings at one time or another. Kevin is right. You will get through this.
And know this:
BF didn't get this way on his own; he had teachers; they were his parents. Is there any chance this email was their way of trying to manipulate you? Just a thought that may keep it in perspective.
Otherwise, I guarantee you that when you land in NY, get off that plane and walk through the airport you will feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders. Sure you'll feel sad for a while, but enjoy the new freedom. And get yourself surrounded by people that adore you and can give you support. Try to disengage with BF (and his family) for now...and give yourself some time.
We're here for you!
DO NOT feel bad
for feeling sad! You're human for goodness sakes! This is going to take a while to not feel sad, hurt, angry, like you made a mistake (don't think you've made one by the way)and are leaving for the wrong reasons. You're going with your gut and it's telling you what you need to do. Everyone on this site is telling you their opinion, not exactly what to do. There's a difference. But you sound so strong and sure of yourself up above...you're doing better than you think you are! Look how far you've come in the past week! We're all here to support you.
You're putting yourself first. As women, we should never feel bad for putting ourselves first! If mama ain't happy, then nobody happy! Same goes with GF's. If GF's ain't happy, then nobody happy!
You'll be okay and we're all here for you...stay strong.
Good Luck,
and,ask yourself this, Do you want more heartache as he takes you to the Airport, because he will be trying ti keep you there up until the very last second,Personally,I would leave tonight,just to avoid more heartache, but that's for you to decide.AND maybe he asked his parents to speak for him, a desparate person will do just about anything.I am amazed that he told you all the things that you didn't know about.AND I can pretty much gaurantee that he is not telling you EVERYTHING either.
But please continue being strong just a little while longer.
Give yourself some time to adjust to the new/old life you had before! And please keep in touch with us.
God Bless, and believe in yourself and God!
hangingin
Keep your head high....
you deserve the best and maybe when you're gone, he'll realize what he's lost. You've given him so many chances to better the situation and he gives you ultimatums and demands. Stay strong and don't fall into the trap he is setting for you....again. It's like you said, it doesn't have to be over, but he needs some soul searching to do. He needs to cut the ties he seems to have for his ex and MOVE ON. If not, he needs to go back to her. YOu can't have both. Either way, he needs to stop dragging you along for the ride.
We're here for you Whaomi - and so sorry your time in Colorado was a miserable one. There are good times to be had here.
You are doing the right thing....
This will not be easy... they will be easier times and harder time... but you are doing what is right for you and I am so proud of you! Hang in there girl, you will hurt and wonder if you did the right thing, you'll go back and forth on it.... but don't forget the things he has done... you can do so much better!
"Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people ever have is when they take a bite out of you."