Update - I think we can make it work
I know, there will be a LOT of disbelievers but I do think this can work out!
My last (and first) blog was about whether I had a future with my partner due to his DD12. I felt he wanted to wait till she left home to progress our relationship by moving in together and I didn't want to wait that long.
We had a very frank discussion last night. It had been a tense day where I felt every time I said anything about how disillusioned I felt, he tried to change the subject and he felt I'd been pushing him away.
In the end I said that I was not going to be happy moving to his town only to live in separate homes. It wasn't financially viable and wouldn't do anything for our relationship. He finally got it! He said he'd thought it would be weird living in the same town with separate homes but didn't think I would have his daughter in the home. I said that there would need to be changes in THEIR but he is a package deal with her and his mother!
So we're back on the same page! And even better, he'd already had tough conversations with DD12, BM and MIL. DD has been told that she needs to communicate if she's not coming. BM has been told that she needs to communicate if DD is not coming. MIL has been told that she needs to live in her self contained unit and not be in the main house all day every day. We're still probably 3 years from me moving (waiting for my kids to go) but that gives us time to work out the rules, implement them and fine tune them.