I guess feelings can change...
I have just been thinking...I do everything I can for having future step children I never asked for. I never wanted children. I picked school, career, having a life of my own, over having children. So when I fell in love with someone who had children 3 years ago...I dealt with it. I understood I would not fall in love with the kids right away, I knew it would be tough, not just for me, but for them too. The youngest took to me right away but every weekend is a battle with the oldest. Sometimes I catch myself in another world...thinking things...does anyone else think of these things?
1. He has to understand...you can't just throw two children into a relationship with someone who never wanted children and expect her to love someone's else's kids right away...
2. The youngest I love so much now...she really grew on me - what if I never get that with the oldest one? Is it wrong to really love one and not the other? I do the same activities with both but the oldest thinks she can boss me around and tell me I'm wrong? She's 7!?
3. What are my boundaries? Am I doing too much? I never feel appreciated...should I STOP buying things - and attempting to teach them manners and respect because they are NOT mine?
I just get so frustrated. There are so many new questions I ask myself everyday. Will his ex EVER leave us alone? She has her OWN life - why does she bother with us? She calls and talks to my future husband like she owns him? What if we DO have our own children - does that mean I get property rights on him then? Is that what that means - you get knocked up by a man then that means they are yours? I just don't get it...I'm ready to snap and I think it's time I see a professional...that is what I have let this do to me - maybe I just can't handle this anymore like I thought I could? Does anyone else feel like this ALL THE TIME? How do you block this out?
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The only advice I can give
The only advice I can give is that eventually BM will become a smaller part of the picture...at least that's what happened with me. I think it mostly changed because I kept telling DH I was not happy that she called him all the time, if SD was giving her problems she would call DH right away and interrupt what was supposed to be alone time for us, etc. The more I kept explaining that I had problems with the way things were, the more DH understood and started making changes.
I totally feel like this a
I totally feel like this a lot. I don't know if I can ever fell for his kid the way he wants me to. SHe has been with me for 3 years, she is about to be 4, so I am all she knows ( and BM and FH of course) . I try to teach her manners and discipline but where do I cross the line. He tells me I am her parent too but I'm not her parent. I will be her step parent but she has a mom and and a dad. I also take care of her everyday after work, feed her, bathe her, etc. He doesn't get home until 8 or 9 at night. So basically I am a single parent to someone else's kid. Not exactlly what I signed up for. I love her dad though. I feel bad for feeling the way I do but I really can't help it.