am i being too sensitive?
i'm not sure if this is even an issue, or just something that's grating my nerves because i'm stressed about other things, so i figured i'd throw it out there for some feedback.
what in the H3LL is it with how kids word/phrase things? sometimes it seems so rude and disrespectful to me, but to dh and lots of other parents/adults, it doesn't even make them think twice. it's almost as if common courtesy has gone out the window and they just speak in terms of matter-of-fact.
"i need a drink."
"it's time to get up."
"i need xyz for school."
what ever happened to "would you?" "could you?" "can i/you?" and "PLEASE"????? have these words become extinct?
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No, you're not being too
No, you're not being too sensitive, kids these days are rude. Not only that, they seem to think that they are equals to the adults. I don't know when that happened but it sure wasn't like that when I was growing up.
I love the reply from SD16 "I
I love the reply from SD16 "I need xxxxxx, please and thank you." The phrase "Please and thank you" used together sounds very pressured and fake to me. I can't stand it!
Kids are rude. People are
Kids are rude. People are rude. Folks feel free to say whatever stupid thing pops into their head at any moment these days.
When my kids were little and would make those kinds of statements, I would reply with "that's nice. Would you care to rephrase that?"
My other kid-raising mantra was "just because you can, doesn't mean you should." I still use that to this day with lots and lots of people.
I use that term with SDs,
I use that term with SDs, "Would you like to re-phrase that into a nice question?"
They invariably do.
Because I don't do things for rude people and they know that.
Maybe clubbing people in the
Maybe clubbing people in the head will become the new dating tool in a few years.
This reminds me a little bit
This reminds me a little bit of an embarrassing situation for me when I was in HS.
I had a period where I was a teacher's aid. Some of the things I would do would involve going to the library to do little projects for her.
Imagine how mortified I was when the teacher had to sit me down and explain that the librarian said I was being RUDE.
This was a shock to me because I had worked at other places and generally, had been told that I was a pleasant person to work with!
What she found rude was that I would ask her for things but apparently not in the perfectly polite way she wanted.
For example.. I was saying "Are there any scissors here that I can use for this project?" and then saying something like "great" or "perfect" when she gave them to me. To be honest, I generally said thank you to people.. but may not have used the more stilted "may I please have the X"
I was definitely asking and not demanding and I don't believe I was abrupt at all.. but for whatever reason that lady didn't like me..lol.
Looking back, I am not 100% sure whether I was actually being rude.. or whether she just had a problem with me. I have never before, nor since had any feedback that I was rude to people.. so it was a bit odd.
i guess what got me thinking
i guess what got me thinking about this is what happened this morning. i'd been hitting the snooze a few times and wasnt even out of bed yet. my phone rings, it's kaos. he says "hey tuff? i need you to drop my backpack off on your way to work." being half asleep, i mumbled "mmmhmm." he says "ok see you bye." (his standard 'sign off')
as i was getting ready for work i thought more of it, and it got under my skin. and the more i reflected on it, the more i realized lurch does this too. as do all their friends. so he wasn't intending to be rude at all, he was asking for a favor which was fine, but just the way kids dont even ask anymore is annoying. dh is perfectly fine with this as he understands there's no rude intent. any of their friends' parents don't bat an eyelash either.
My 7 year old has started
My 7 year old has started this. I'm finishing it.
If he says "Mom, get me my IPad" I simply sit there and ignore him. When he gets ticked because I'm ignoring him and asks if I heard him, I simply say "Yes, I heard you, but I don't take orders from 7 years olds" He quickly changes his approach to asking nicely with a please.
I obviously don't think
I obviously don't think you're being too sensitive.....
see tagline below.........
We just don't put up with it
We just don't put up with it from SD lol every kid does it but it's up to their parents to correct them. If she says "i'm going to watch TV" i just look at her and say "oh, are you? last I checked we pay for the TV so maybe you should ask if you can watch it" and if she says "I want a snack" I just say "okay? so go get one or feel free to ask nicely for help..." lol
I think it drives stepparents a lot more crazy than it drives bioparents. This and gross sounds while eating both drive me nuts whereas SO only corrects them because it's his job to correct them, not because he hates it lol
If it's not my kid or someone
If it's not my kid or someone I'm in some kind of 'relationship' with, I just feel sorry for their lack of courtesy. It's such a small thing, and clearly the parents of rude people either didn't care enough about them to teach them manners, or the rude people lack the intelligence required to learn these simple basics of life.
If it's someone I'm doing business with or otherwise have to continue communicating with, I'll tell them, "Wow, that was rude." If they need me to cooperate with them, they'll Google "polite" and or open a dictionary app.
If it's my kid, then it's my job to set her free on humanity with basic skills, like politeness. I tell her, "Courtesy is being polite and having good manners. When we are courteous, we use words like “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, and “you’re welcome” to show people we respect them. When we are courteous, we speak and act in a way that shows consideration for others’ feelings. When we are courteous, others are attracted to our polite behavior and we also feel happy."
see this is where i'm
see this is where i'm questioning myself. when they word things this way, they are not being snarky or demanding - trust me, when they ARE it's quite obvious. and i have no qualms about setting them straight.
you mention coworkers and spouses, but it's nothing for dh to call me and say "hey, when you head this way i need you to stop at xyz for me" or someone here at work say "when you're done with that i'll need you to abc" and none of that is considered rude at all. but at the same time, coming from skids, it annoys me! so is it just me reacting because they're not my bios, been dealing with stress, blah blah blah - or is it really a thing of poor manners??
i'm thinking it's a combination of both.
It's not just word choice,
It's not just word choice, ofc. I notice when I talk to DH the entire communication is packed with small gestures of affection so that the 'demand' is clearly just sharing what is going on and deciding (ultimately) together who will take care of what.
We have started to be more conscious of saying please and thank-you to model that for DD though.
This is a great learning
This is a great learning opportunity. TEACH them to speak to you politely. If you say "I will get you what you need when I hear some courtesy first", and then stick to that each time, they will learn. We cant blame these kids if we never took the opportunity to teach them how to interact with people. They arent born with these skills and if their bio parents arent doing it and YOU want that from them, then teach them to speak that way.