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Is it worth the battle?

tryingtomakeit's picture

My husband lost his job a few months ago and luckly I was able to support the family(that includes the 2 step kids and 1 infant who is ours together) with my income. He finally found a job but it is nothing like he was making before...we are getting by but nothing to write home about.

Middle school Homecoming is coming up and I was informed last night that the sd had picked out her dress from homecoming a $300.00 dress!!!! and we needed to pitch in and pay and also for nails and hair! First and formost, I AM NOT trying to get out of this.....I think my husband should help pay for it because he in the father.

My question is...Shouldnt the mother and father discuss the price they are willing to spend before the dress was purchases? We are in a tight situation and I think the mother just let the daughter pick out what ever.

THe child is in middle school...this is not even high school.

I just feel like I get shafted in so many ways.

How should I approach my husband. I dont want to sound like I dont want to help, but we are barely making it and I did not budget a $200 haming event into the budget....I could have if it was planned more that 2 weeks out!


Oi Vey's picture

$300 bucks for a dress for middle school?!? Getting her hair and nails done?!?
Who is she, Kim Kardashian??

I must live in an alternate reality. :jawdrop:

JRTerrierMom's picture today! My sinuses have had quite enough of you!!!!

Re: $300 for a dress is absurd. While you want special things to be special - it should be within reason. Teaching this kid that you can put a monetary value on a memory will continue when the expenses SHOULD be $300 and end up being $1300.

I would offer what you can, say sorry I can't afford more - unless you watn to take it from teh CS - but that's it, we're tapped.

shielded2009's picture

Yes, the mother should discuss the budget with the father...any thing other than that is disrespectful...

TryingSoHard's picture

My WEDDING dress was $230, thank you very much. And it's very nice. Smile

I didn't get my nails done professionally until I was twenty. Didn't even think about it. I look at those kinds of things as reserved for adult women, not children. It's hard not to go on my own experience here, but kids these days are so entitled and spoiled it's hard not to be shocked.

You can't win this and make her change her attitude, because BM continuously programs SD to believe she deserves these things, despite her not having earned them.

I'm sorry for your financial trouble. I can definitely relate.

My SD has a $400 phone her mom bought her. My phone is worth about $25, and I use it to work. When SD misplaces her phone or forgets it at home, she throws a temper tantrum like a toddler. And she didn't even buy it herself. Kids are handed everything and taught to believe they deserve it. Then, when you put your foot down and say, "no," you're "neglecting" them and "not taking care" of them.

Doubletakex3's picture

Oh good grief, $300 for a middle school event is just silly. I'd flatly tell DH what you can afford to contribute and stand your ground. Perhaps it will show mommie dearest that she needs to collaborate with DH on a budget in advance or be prepared to foot the majority of the expense.

Auteur's picture

Don't get me started on BRACES!!! The Behemoth had the two oldest (and probably now the youngest) slapped in braces the SECOND they turned eight years old. And she of course went to the fanciest orthodontist in town. His office looks like the Taj Mahal, no lie.

Well of course, GG (biodad I live with) *trusted* her to let him know when the bill was paid so he could get the extra CS taken off. Guess what? She let that go for a couple of years. Turns out GG overpaid to the tune of $4K!! So basically he paid 200% of the out of pocket medical for braces! Guess what the CS Magistrate said when *I* pointed this out (two lawyers that we hired I guess can't do simple Math)??

Oh did I mention that the Magistrate is in cahoots with the Behemoth? They are colleagues as the Behemoth is a CHILD PROTECTIVE WORKER by trade!!!

Magistrate said "Oh, well, water under the bridge and it's a gift to the Behemoth."

So the Behemoth pocketed $4K of ill gotten CS money and still is laughing all the way to the bank.

Oh and of course there was NEVER any consultation with GG prior. There's never been any consultation on ANYTHING. . .she just hands him the bill in court a few months later.

We are currently overpaying her CS now too as she hasn't used daycare in over two years now. We do this b/c this is NYS and to get a downward mod is pretty much impossible. Plus she'll start to drag out receipts and get the CS UPPED instead. Fortunately for my sanity, the feral free-ranged children of hers have PASed out for over two years now so paying the astronomical CS to keep her quiet (and keep the skids out of my hair) is worth it.

Sorry to hijack. Yes, $300 is outrageous. What, is SD Snookie in Training?

tryingtomakeit's picture

Not that I am awre of...but supposly there is a rich Auntie on the mothers side that helps make this girl in a brat! I hear about the rich auntie more than I care too...its funny though....where is she in the incident??

oneoffour's picture

Nope, Dress budget is $xx and if she can't work with that then the money will be sent to the local humane society.

Fake nails at Wal-Mart are about $10 for EVERYTHING and more.

Why are MIDDLE school kids having a homecoming? Is their school really THAT good? I doubt it.

I understand the rich auntie crap. But 'rich auntie' might like to find a job for Daddy so he earns more money. And have a little talk to her about how much LESS Dad is earning these days compared to his prior job.A little reality check is due.

I had no problem telling my daughter when she graduated H/School that no, she was not getting a new laptop or car for graduation. She SHOULD be graduating. EVERYONE can graduate.

tryingtomakeit's picture

I agree with you all the way! I have been married to my husband for 3 years and I can count on one hand how many times both parents have told this child NO! I have a feeling are gonna butt heads raising our child!

I can only blame myself for putting up with the crap that I do!

Cocoa's picture

yes, you are going to be butting heads so you may as well begin now before you go bankrupt. i would have my dh tell them that i'm sorry, all i can afford is $50 (or whatever you TRULY can afford) and then say maybe in the future you will discuss this beforehand with me. and to tell you the truth, if my dh wasn't working the amount I could afford would be 0.

Auteur's picture

In the Behemoth's hometown of Podunk, Upstate NY, they have a homecoming for 4th graders and up!! I kid you NOT!!!

And this school district is notorious for having the most so-called "learning disabled" children (read: children who were never introduced to "Mr. Belt" no less even tapped on the wrist) AND the most dumbed down curriculum West of the Hudson River.

GG got a letter from another BM on behalf of Brainiac's (SS stb 15) Prom Dance two years ago. It was asking for some outrageous amount to sponsor a band, etc. etc. tuxedos, limo, you name it.

WHY is it so popular to treat your child like they are a CELEBRITY these days?? Aren't these parents building their children up for a huge crash when they discover that they are, in fact, NOT red carpet-worthy??

JustAnotherSM's picture

Maybe suggest that she make her own dress out of duct tape or balloons? It's quite a popular fashion choice these days Smile

dragonfly5's picture

First of all let me say you are an amazing woman. You support your family...which includes your steps. I don't think I will ever pay for FSD11 and FSS14's life.

My advice is decide what is an acceptable amount. Give that to her. My daughter now 29 is amazing at money. She learned to budget. When she had an event we gave her x
amount then is was up to her what she spent it on.

Case and point when she got married we told her she had a budget of X. She could spend it anyway she wanted. She fell in love with a dress that was $4000.00 and shoes that were $150.00.

She knew what her budget was so she started hunting. She found the shoes on ebay for $35 never worn and found the dress on ebay from a girl who cancelled her wedding for $300.00, and all we had to do was get it fitted.

She still got what she wanted but looked for a bargin. She still has that mind set today. But she learned it when she was very young by us giving her money and telling her this was all she was going to get, so make wise choices. She did.

I hope she has a lovely time but $300.00 is a lot of money for a middle school event.

tryingtomakeit's picture

Thank you so much for your kind words! It really helps me so much to hear how others like myself handle situations. It is so hard being a step-mother. I feel as if I am walked on daily,but I manage to hold my head high and stive to instill goodness and love into my son! He keeps me going these days!

herewegoagain's picture

Oh my! Why does a middle school girl need a 300USD dress for homecoming when I got married in a super cute dress from Forever 21 that cost me 27USD!!!??? Crazy, crazy people...

PS - I also did my own hair and nails for my wedding

PS 2 - my parents were well off...not rich, but well off...I purchased MY OWN graduation dress for my HS graduation because I wanted something more than what they were willing to pay...which although it was 25YRS ago, it was only 65USD... lol and I used the darn dress for YEARS afterwards