I'm not saying we should try The Purge, but I'm also not saying we shouldn't.
I am literally about to snap, and it seems like a good resolution to the situation at hand. DH filed for Contempt of Court against Crazy, for the constant criticism, parental alienation against SD13, and basically just constant abuse/messaging to us that is not sustainable. Crazy, not knowing what contempt of court is or even how life works, said "I'm filing for contempt of court against you also". And apparently did? DH literally did nothing to Violate the CO. She always just said "you did this and you don't care about the kids so I'm filing for COC". Anyway, we haven't even gotten served or seen whatever shit show she submitted (you have to list what section of the CO is being violated and show proof) but today DH had a status conference for his filing, and that's when the Judge noted they had competing COC's against each other, so they would merge them..and assign a Guardian ad Litem (for a 14 and 17yr old), and Crazy announced she was also going to file for a custody review.
Gah!!!! Several things. It hasn't even been 2yrs since the last review so we don't know why CS would even entertain this since there hasn't been a major life Incident to spur a review.
But, Child support attended today and said they have been "letting too many things slide", so they were attending...
DH makes $30K more than he did at the last review.
It's so frustrating that all of this is in retaliation for DH filing for COC, and because we are currently in Italy buying a very modestly priced vacation home (that will mostly come out of my salary). Crazy is jealous and thinking if we can buy a house in Italy, we should pay more. Interestingly enough, despite all of her complaints and criticisms of our terrible parenting, she never asks for more custody.
DH has been livid all day, it has definitely ruined the day (it's also been a nightmare closing on this house which as made it 10x worse) and it just sucks. He's also completely over SD. She has shown zero interest, doesn't message him or respond to snapchats of the house, and DH said, quote "he's sick of that ungrateful little sh*t". He says she doesn't give a shit about us, only texts when she wants something, and is so brainwashed by crazy she only wants her, and he's over of it. We talked about her bday coming up in June and he said we are definitely not having a party- she made it clear last year she doesn't appreciate it, because we are the only house who has had big parties for her each year, but she said if she had to choose she would have a party at Crazy's because "mom has always had parties for me". Literally not even one time. DH said that I've done too much for her and need to stop because she doesn't deserve it. I mean, I agree. For some reason, even though DH and I obviously only want what what's best for her and may make minor parenting mistakes, it doesn't matter- Crazy can do the worst of the worst, but as long as she has no rules and coddles SD, she's the better parent.
Done. If this bitch gets more Child support I'm going to scream.
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but in the USA family courts, fathers RARELY "win." The courts still won't recognize Parental Alienation and still give way more to bio moms just because they are bio moms.
We spent over $10K on the last ordeal with DH's kids.....even had BM sign custody to us....only to have the judge (who was the one to sign off on the document) refuse to do so until "he had personally spoke to the BM about what she was doing." Ummm....sorry, Judge, she's 3 hours away at a group home. And there we had it. $10k gone, a document signed by DH and BM and a judge refusing.
That was the last straw for us. We dropped the ball. Paid the CS timely for the final 2 years with no extras ever paid again. Today, almost 10 years later, nothing much has changed with DH and his kids. The BM has since died and they continue to do the same behaviors they learned in the PAS years.
I'm sorry for you and this horrid situation. Let's just pray she doesn't get an increase but I'd advise to stop fighting in court and no more charges of contempt. It just doesn't work in our favor the majority of the time. Sending you a big hug.
You messed up by informing
You messed up by informing her and SD of your financial investments like purchasing a property overseas. You NEVER give any info on your money and/of whereabouts to steps or BMs. You also want to openly complain about money and "hard times" in front of SD very often jusf like BM does.
Best believe she will bring up the purchase of an investment property overseas and more money and the judge will side with her while your husband looks like "a deadbeat trying to stash money away from his kids"
Life is hard but with BMs, its even harder
Also quit going to court, all it will do is waste your money and backfire on you. Keep it to paying CS timely and court ordered visitation. If she wont comply with visitation, send her a letter with the excerpt about the visitation schedule and ask her to comply for next visits. Generally, it scares them enough to follow through without having to take them to court. If the child misses visitation, JUST MOVE ON and document that you requested it and reached out for your records to answer the accusations of "not being in their lives" and "abandoning them"
I do agree with not telling
I do agree with not telling skids about investments- but it would have been impossible to hide. We plan on taking them to the house, we are doing a little blog series on the updates we will be doing to it, but mostly, skids see DH's family and SS17 works with a lot of our friends (who already have trips planned to stay at our house), so of course they all know. Ain't know way it wouldn't be mentioned in front of him. It's just ridiculous that she bought a brand/new SUV while we drive modest vehicles and are using a Home Equity loan for this home purchase, so it's not this huge luxury purchase she thinks it is. I hope the Judge dismisses it because it's not technically time for a review. And SS is 17, what is the point??
This isn't even a custody issue though, she literally makes our lives hell with CONSTANT messages on OFW criticizing us, calling us names, etc. It's Incessant. We have now allowed it for almost 2yrs and it's just intolerable and stressful. We felt we needed to try something because between that and the parental alienation, it's such a toxic situation. If we had known it would escalate to this we probably would have skipped it, but the way it was so frustrating also. It's so maddening that we can't address the actual issue without it turning into this!
Are you keeping records of
Are you keeping records of all of the threats? I am on the fence about this, but you may want to consider an ex parte if you have records and eyewitness accounts demonstrating harrassment and threats.
In 2007, BM1 married her third husband YoungerBF. YoungerBF requested that my husband could only see his kids if he went through him and if he granted him permission to access his own children because YoungerBF was told by BM1 that he was the real dad now and my husband was not needed except for child support. As you may guess, this did not go well with my husband who launched into a tirade of verbal threats and insults towards YoungerBF and BM1 on the phone but also venting to other ppl who became eyewitnesses (GBM1).
With this, BM1 was able to file an ex parte alleging that her and her husbands life were threatened and went for sole custody and restricted visitation by claiming that my husband was drinking and hitting the children during visitation so she wanted to restrict visitation and parental rights. The irony is that my husband DOES NOT and NEVER HAS EVER disciplined his children verbally or physically and does not drink alcohol (never touched a drop in his life). So with no evidence besides the threats against YoungerBF and BM1, the ex parte was granted. 11months later BM1 and YoungerBF were divorced and she claimed he was not responsible/man enough and too controlling. Too bad she had to prevent the kids from having visitation through the courts to please a man but not surprising (she loses her marbles over anything male).
The reason why she filed it in that way is because the defendant in an ex parte does not have a right to response and isnt allowed to provide evidence demonstrating otherwise. An ex parte is basically a case where only the plaintiff can have a say and allege anything. Its very complicated to understand how the law can be so unfair as to not allow a defendant to respond/represent themselves in a case against them but its true.
So perhaps if you do the ex parte and she does not have a say in the response, you can scare her enough to quit harrassing you but she will retaliate on other sides like child support
I know your husband wants them involved in your vacations and properties but I would refrain until they are of age....
It's insane that an ex parte
It's insane that an ex parte doesn't give the respondent a chance to defend themselves! I had never heard of it. DH's COC is basically just getting swept up along with Crazy's filings, and I hope he gets a chance to point out that he made legitimate, well-documented filings that even show her saying "I'm going to file COC against you too" when he told her he was filing. It eas clearly in retaliation, and there is no way she has anything valid.
In the case of extreme HCGUBMs
Who are PASing the skids 24/7, it's best to drop the rope. As CajunMom pointed out, the courts do not care if the HCGUBM continually violates the CO. The system IS biased against fathers and it is one big money making racket with the government a big player in all of it.
I know Rags is big on holding the violating parent in contempt but that only works if the violater is a biodad.
I too agree that you should never volunteer lifestyle information to the BM or skids...it WILL be used against you. I personally cringe when Chef starts blabbing to his half bro, Mr. NOT SO Neutral, about the rental properties, our holidays, etc., knowing it will get back to the Girhippo.
DH is a big blabber to SK's.
DH is a big blabber to SK's. He loves to tell them every detail whether they should know it or not. To be fair, there is absolutely no way we were hiding a house in Italy from skids. DH wants to take them to it and SS17 works with a bunch of our friends, then there's DH's family...everyone would tell them or ask them about it. It's beyond frustrating that we are now in this situation though, and I can't help feeling resentment towards skids who have no qualms about telling Crazy everything we do, but yet SD still calls Crazy's BF "mom's friend" in the rare instance she mentions they did something with him, because she is so protective of her mom and sworn to secrecy there.
I hope DH drops the reins. I'm over it. I am not going to fight for affection from a kid who is PAS'd out for 4+ more years. Go be with her. I know DH is almost at that point also, but- 1. He still thinks there's a glimmer of hope, and 2. Crazy or SD haven't asked for more custody. So short of kicking her out, we just wait for it to come to a head. Which It will...
"Sworn to secrecy." I clearly remember when Pumpkinhead OSS, tried to hide the fact that the Gir's ill conceived bakery went out of business. He was 8 yrs old and shushed the Animal Torturer SD, at the time age six, when she started telling us WHY we couldn't drop them off at the bakery. "SSSSHHHH we're not supposed to let Dad know." The Gir filed bankruptcy soon after.
Then the big secret when the Gir was getting married to "Chef's replacement" aka StepDaddyBigBucks. For an entire year leading up to that we had to hear about how WONDERFUL SDBB was.
Conversely Chef changing jobs due to his bad back translated into the HousesHitter YSS, at the time age 5, screaming out to Chef and laughing "YOU WERE FIRED!"
I swear if a kid pointed at me and laughed, you were fired....that would be the first and last time they did it.
SD no longer seems to have loyalty to us (she used to- she used to defend us to Crazy all the time). Now she runs to her and tells her everything. I've stopped talking to her as much about my life and even her life unfortunately, because she apparently just complains about what we say and runs and tells her mom. I know it's not all her fault, but it took until she was 13 for the PAS to really kick in? She's not a dumb kid, so it's disappointing.
I can tell you how this turns out 20 or so years later.
Just ask me LOL
Same here. LOL
Same here. LOL
lol … That’s why I love this group.
There's all stages of us in this step life in a similar situation.
My advice? Drop the rope. It
My advice? Drop the rope. It is so hard to do but so freeing.
Wrap up whatever financial obligations there are, pay it and move on. Not another dime. No trips to Italy. Nothing.
I am leaning towards this also! DH already says how she only texts from Crazy's when she wants something. Has an attitude or ignores him half the time she's with us and has started saying she doesn't want to come by us. So what, you can say and do those things and also get a trip to Italy? Where what...you ignore us and have an attitude half the time? It's a no from me. If it did happen this would all have to be laid out before hand. But, we don't plan on taking them for a year yet and a lot can happen...
What a waste
To get started on a court battle when the kids are 14&17. The only people that will walk away benefiting from this are the lawyers, GAL and other court professionals. This is the court related professionals bread and butter. I don't know if it's too late or not but I would try drop it and stay out of the system. Otherwise you will be saying goodbye to your money for kids that you don't want more time with anyway.
With your house purchase as well as court with BM.
Husband did not want to acquire any property while with Toxic Troll, because he knew she would try to go after him for money.
She did try to go after his classic car...even though they had separated finances and had divied up the vehicles during the separation.
PAS - difficult to battle. Luckily we dont have that issue.
DH is on an emotional roller coaster. One day he is doom and gloom about how his CS will be raised hundreds of dollars a month, the next day he thinks it won't because there is no circumstance to even start a CS review.
The doom and gloom DH is a lot of fun to be around in Italy......