Officially Disengaging from SD
So much happening. So so much. I'll try to make it as brief as possible.
I was visiting friends this wknd so DH had skids all to himself. Sorry not sorry. Apparently SD14 demanded money for a homecoming dress, after both DH and I just talked to her on Monday about her needing to ASK for things and not demand. DH got pissed and told her again she needs to ask, not expect and demand, and said he told SS17 the same thing when SS demanded DH give him $ for a tux. SD Snottily told DH "yeah and mom paid for all of SS's tux anyway". Which is absolutely not true- DH gave SS $. He asked SD if she'd like to see the Venmo receipt, but she ignored him because she only wants to believe what Crazy tells her. DH said he didn't talk to her much and he's over her and her "mom does everything" attitude. SD told him Crazy is her only friend, and SD stays up til after 4am each night so she can sleep all day while crazy is at work and then be ready to stay up late with her when she gets home. I just can't. It's the most codependent crap I've ever seen. And Even though Crazy tried to get DH to pay for SD's cellphone by saying her bill was already "so high", SD came to our house days later with a new manicure.
So this is where I decided I'm done. Today DH had a status conference for the Contempt of Court hearing. Which, as it turns out, was a complete and utter waste of time. We knew this was a probability but we're so exhausted with Crazy's harassment we were willing to take the chance. But when she also filed for COC against DH and the judge got a GAL involved, our filing, which is what started this all and was completely valid, was completely lost in the shuffle. DH doesn't think the judge even read his filing. So today, the judge basically said If DH and Crazy agree on a punishment for violating the CO/communication guidelines, he could put that in place. But otherwise there was no reprimand, nothing, and all the GAL said was that she "talked to SD's therapist and SD seems to be improving". The end, case closed. Except for some reason, Crazy got a chance to rant to the judge about how "she knows DH very well, and she knows it's not him writing most of the messages in OFW, because it doesn't sound like DH, so it's Truenorth writing the messages". In her COC filing, she had said skids "repeatedly told her Truenorth writes messages on OFW when DH is sleeping. Sigh. I have never. Not even once. It's always DH. I don't even have his password and the OFW app is face-protected on his phone.
Anyway, since this was brought up again today and I was dropping SD off at Crazy's, I decided to ask her if she had ever told her mom that I wrote the messages. And guess what? She said she did. I was shocked and asked why she would say that or think that. She said "you told me you did". Nope, sure didn't. I was LIVID. She has been telling her mom almost everything we/I say, and exaggerating it, which we knew from messages from Crazy to DH, but this takes the cake. It's not a joke, it ended up in front of a judge, even though it's a total lie. I asked SD if me sending messages to her mom while her dad is asleep sounds like something I would tell her. She didn't say anything. As she was getting out of the car I told her to have a good week and she Snottily said "I will be telling the GAL my observations and then you all will find out what I said". Is that a threat? What is she going to tell the GAL, I do nothing except help her. This week alone i did so much crap for her, and now I feel like an idiot because she just uses me to get what she wants and then runs to her mom and tells her everything I say and twists it to make it sound bad. I'm DONE.
DH got home from work and I told him she can stay at her moms for all I care and I started crying because I was so mad. I told him I will be polite to her but that's it. He was pissed, at her. He said I shoudn't do anything for her anymore and definitely don't buy her anything. He said he dreads her coming over each time now because he knows it won't go well. She is so brainwashed, she will believe anything Crazy tells her, and we will always be wrong. He also doesn't want to take her with us to Italy in spring (we have been planning on taking both skids) because every time he talks to her about it she is completely disinterested. He thinks she doesn't even want to go. He thinks we should both just back off from her and not even try to teach her the life lessons we have been trying to instill, because she isn't listening. All she wants is her mom.
I'm thankful he's so understanding and agreeable of my decision to disengage from her, but also sad for him that he's in this position now with a PAS'd daughter. We still hope that she will make friends in high school and that may help, but who fricking knows at this point. DH said, of course the difficult one has to be the youngest.
SS17 told DH this wknd that he's just biding his time at his moms, but he has come to the realization that his mom and his aunt (his moms twin) are both crazy. And we don't even call her that around him!
And while yes, SS17 has been great, DH just told me last night that not only has he not been making SS pay for his car Ins and another bill he owes DH like they had agreed on, SS has blown over $7,000 on his gf and just doing whatever the F he wants in the past year!! He has been repeatedly lectured about his spending but doesn't listen. So what did DH do, instead of making SS pay the bills they agreed on and learn about $ management? He gave SS a few hundred dollars when SS blew spent all of his $, even though SS has a job... I just can't...