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I don't know how to deal with this...

totallyexhausted's picture

afew weeks ago my H sent a DNA sample to see if his son(8yr old) is his.... it was my card so it was sent in my name.... I opened it thinkin it was junk mail... it said my SS is not his... 99.9999% not his... I dont know how to present this.... how do I tell him that this boy isn't his blood... I wanna "play dumb" but I can't with it being opened... I just don't know what to say...


stuknaz's picture

Don't play dumb you need to find a way to gently tell your DH that this kid is NOT his...

"And this too shall pass..."

lynneranne's picture

You have to tell him. There is no way around it. The longer you wait the harder it will be to tell him.

Life isn't about the days you have, its about what you do with the days you have.

Amazed's picture

I think hearing it from someone he loves will be a softer blow than reading it on a piece of typed official paper reporting the facts without sympathy. He needs to hear it from you in a soft,loving manner...then you can show him the black and white proof. Good luck, it is going to be a tough thing to go through.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

Snowflake's picture

I am so sorry that you are the person who has to deliver this devastating news to your dh. Can I ask what company this is through and how I can get a kit. I would like to have my dh's youngest son tested, as I am fairly certain the kid isn't his.

soverysad's picture

I agree with Barbie, hearing it from you will be much better than reading it on paper. I'm not sure what the details are or why the test was done, but how about something like "Honey, I have something I need to tell you and it is really difficult. I love you very much and it is hard to tell you anything that I know will hurt you." Tell him what happened with the mail and continue with "I am so sorry. I know how much you love SS and please know that this information should not change your feelings for him....."

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

totallyexhausted's picture

InDentiGene is the company. We got it at CVS near where they have the home drug tests. The kit is 24.99 then you pay the lab fee separate depending if you do it yourself or at a lab for chain of custody

I know I have to tell him I'm just dreading it. He is a mild mannered man until you F with kids. His,mine,strangers. He is my Eeyore with a little evil troll in the back of his mind that pops out now and then (yea. sleep depravation. that was a weird metefore...) Anyway there is alittle part of me that is worried that this news might mean he has no reason to not pummel his exwench... I think I might hide his phone and keys before the conversation starts.

Excuses are tools of the foolish. They build monuments to nothingness and those who are masters of them are seldom good at anything else.

LMR120's picture

I am so sorry to hear that. I cant even imagine what it is going to do to him. My BF did a test on his yougest and it is his but he was really worried for a while and then came the questions of do you still participate in the childs life knowing its not yours. A friend of mine almost did a paternity test but decided not to because the child was 8 and even though he might not have been the father he would have had to still pay child support because he signed the birth certificate and had raised the child up until he was 8. I dont know if its a federal law or just state but Cali has a law that you cant basterdize a child.