Getting real tired of SS’s BM
Hi all,
We are back with more horror stories from the woman who has to be one of the most irresponsible BMs around. Those who remember the last saga, ss(5) is still crapping himself at school and home and no one is doing a damn thing about it. Hell, during the PT conference 2 weeks ago, the teacher said how great he was. While also telling us he's the only kid who potties in his pant and he doesn't sit still during carpet time so she has to put him in a chair next to her. I gave up even trying at this point and I'm seriously sick and tired of everyone acting like he's a perfect angel when he's such a spoiled brat. Meanwhile, if my daughter (11) does something like leaves a juice box on the table or forgets to rinse her cereal boy my BF screams at her.
this brings us to the past couple of weeks. About 3 weeks ago, the cold made its run thru the house, it sucked but all 3 of us (me, daughter, bf) got over it within about a week. That following week we had ss on Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. (Side note yes we have SS almost as much as she does but the court order is every other weekend so he's stuck paying $650 a month in child support. We tried to get that put in documentation since she makes 6 figures and he only makes 50k so it's really not fair. She threw a temper tantrum and basically told her lawyer she would take away the extra days rather than lose child support. So she did take away the extra days for all of 3 weeks til the lawyers reclosed the case and then immediately after, she insisted we take those days back.) The first Wednesday (when we were all finally feeling better from our colds) I noted that ss was coughy and sneezy. I told bf to tell BM and that's the last I heard of it. The weekend came and went, ss was on antibiotics but I didn't know what for. The following Tuesday, my daughter is sick as hell. I took her to urgent care who said it was a sinus infection. That evening I started to feel sick too. By Thursday she develops pink eye. I tell bf to let BM know since ss had just been here and was coming over again this weekend. She responded with "oh well he had a sinus infection and pink eye last week so he'll be fine". She apparently took him to dr last Thursday and dr said ss had a sinus infection and pink eye. She did not prewarn us before that weekend or even tell us until we brought it up to her. My daughter is at 4 days of school missed, but thankfully she should be well enough to go to school Tuesday.
now here's the kicker. I've been sick from this too and that little sinus infection has morphed into pneumonia. Urgent care gave me some antibiotics today but told me that if I'm not better by tomorrow (Monday) afternoon, I am to go to the er to be admitted. I hate hospitals but she said if I went to er instead of urgent care, she would've just admitted me. My so2s were 91 and she said she could hear the wheezing in my lungs. I'm laying in bed barely able to breathe as I type this out now. I am now livid. If BM had warned us ahead of time about ss being sick, all this could have been prevented. Also the second I mention ss got us sick to my bf, he gets all defensive about ss and BM. No apologies or empathy or compassion. He just starts arguing and fighting.
now the part that is the AITA part of this situation. We are supposed to have as on Tuesday and Wednesday again. I don't want him here if I'm hospitalized or even just rn being as sick as I am. I want bfs attention and care to be on me not this spoiled kid that who still shits himself. WIBTA if I told him he needs to just skip these visits this time around? And what can I do about this irresponsible POS BM that is probably the reason my daughter and I have been so sick?
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Comments
Nope, you are not the asshole.
Thankfully this is only a BF and you have not married this asshat.
He jumps your daughter for miniscule infractions and dumps his ball-less catering to his XW and their spawn all over your life and your DD's life.
The deal breaker in my mind is that he pays his XW CS then takes the kid for much of her COd time. Nope, if I were you, I would be all over him like stink on shit to make damned sure that his X delivers on what he pays her CS to deliver. Your SO paying her then being her beck and call child care bitch is not what you or anyone else should tolerate in their mate.
I hope you feel better.
Take care of you.
I posted a blog (called
I posted a blog (called Bioparents Take Care of YOUR Sick Kids) a while back about how grimey some of these bioparents are about sending sick kids that their sociopathic selves should be taking care of but instead they ship them off to the ncp house to infect everyone with their pathogens.
I go on a rampage against dude if he accepts sick kids up in here knowing that puts everyone else's health in jeopardy
I also have no qualms spraying Lysol around the pathogens, wearing n95, and forcing quarantine....idgaf who gets offended. Should have never sent a sick kid here to begin with.
Not about to risk my health for some sick kids that should never been imported (given their condition) in the first place.
And yes. Anytime you call out unsavory parenting/co-parenting behavior these maladjusted bioparents WILL get defensive bc in their minds they haven't done anything wrong and their kids ALWAYS come first.
I can tell you right now your partners reaction to getting seriously I'll from his decision to allow his sick kid inside your home to infect everyone else is not good. If I were you, I'd demand he pay for your medications, provide an apology, and reimburse you for any PTO you have to use to recover.
I don't think you'd be an ass to tell him to wait a day or so so you can rest. OR again demand he take off work to help you if he allows the son to come back over.
Read the court order/consult an attorney first if you can just to be sure.
And from a logical, sensible
And from a logical, sensible point of view, what caring parent is so selfish that they think their desire to keep their kids is more important than their welfare?! Dammit! Have a modicum of consideration! They are human beings, not possessions. Gawd, the selfishness of some of these guys knows no bounds.
The maladjusted shallow end of a kids gene pool is incessently
toxic.
When SS was 4yo he fell off of a swing set and broke his arm. We let him pick his caste color. He chose RED.
He left for a SpermClan visitation about 10days after he broke his arm. SpermGrandHag lost her mind ranting that we did it on purpose to ruin his visitation and ruin her daughter's wedding>When DW chewed the Hag up one side and down the other for accusing her of breaking SS's are on purpose and set the Hag straight that we had gotten SS's kid Tux measurements and sent for the Aunt's wedding and told SpermGrandHag to STFU, Hag switched her tactic ranting that we should have called to get her wedding colors before getting the caste because Red would ruin the wedding. WTF color did she think a kid would pick and why would be not let him pick?
As for a kid crapping themselves.... We would send SS to SpermLand for visitation 80+% toilet trained, in trainding pants rather than pull ups or diapers, a clean, healthy well adjusted mostly conversational happy little boy.
We would get him back a non verbal shit covered loaded diaper wearing body odor stench emenating miserable little boy with ass rot so bad his anus would bleed when we cleaned him up and with puss filled welts all over him.
They did that crap because they were lazy and neglectful.
The BM in your world is at least as detestable as the SpermGrandHag was in our world. We had no choice but to hold SS fully to our rules from the second he arrived home and we got him cleaned up. I know it was hard on him. It was hard on his mom and me as well.
After the first time they neglected him to that result, we started having him seen by his Prediatritian right before leaving for SpermLand visitation, and we would schedule a Pediatritian appointment for the afternoon he arrived back from SpermLand.
Though the idiot bottome 10%er of legal profession SpermLand family law judge seemed to think that what they did to him was fine as "Any child would be blessed to have the love and support of this fine family."
We should have told SS to take his shits all over their furniture and piss on SpermGrandHag rather than soil himself.
This is why i think 50/50 is
This is why i think 50/50 is hard on the kids. Imagine that transition between households every other week. It's one thing if both households are similarly functional. My kids had 50/50 for years but were both well past potty training when it started and they were in the same before/after school/summer daycare with a family member who had high standards when they were at both houses, so it wasn't as disruptive as some. But still, after each aged out they both told me they hated picking up and moving houses half the time. If i could do it again, idk. Would i have stayed longer in the marriage? Idk. Things were pretty bad and violent, so probably not. But - i realize now how hard it is on kids. Especially young ones who haven't yet had a foundation of "functionality." If one side is a trainwreck, it has to be damn near impossible.
Exactly why I am a proponent of long-distance visitation.
If I were a breeder NCP, I would be living somewhere with the best career opportunities that was geographically where I wanted to make my life. My kids would visit me there and be a part of my happy life. My goal would be to provide for them optimally when they were with me, pay CS... and only CS to my X, and do whatever I could to counter any toxic crap from the X if the X were toxic.
The same if I was the breeder CP. I would move where I had the best career opportunities, in a geographic location I wanted to live, and I would provide my kids with the best life I could while colaborating with my X or countering the X's toxicity.
I believe that far too many in broken/blended families over complicate things extremely. Standards and discipline work in intact families, blended families, single parent families, in local visitation situations, in long distance visitation situations, etc...
IMHO of course.
My biggest issue here is that
My biggest issue here is that your BF screams at your child. Any man that screams at my child would be chucked out a 3rd story window.
The fact that he picks fights and yells at you. Why do you tolerate a "man" like this?
The sex can't be that good. He doesn't make much money and he pays too much in CS, so it isn't that.
Just throw the man out girl.
My Dear jmtb,
My Dear jmtb,
I wish that I could upvote your post about a thousand times! Any man who screamed at one of my children would only do it once.