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Looking for Book Recommendations

thisisus's picture

Hi all! 

I noticed when I google "I am being emotionally abused my my adult stepdaughter," there are no books. 

This abuse is surprising very common and I can't find any books to read about it. 

On a post note, I am doing quite well. I took everyone's advice in here and removed myself from her drama. It was a bit easier for me because she is in her mid twenties and lives states away. 

But, I would like literature to read to further educate myself in this topic. 

This will help many of you who are also experiencing years of emotional abuse by your adult SKs. 

Mine is diagnosed Bipolar and has other behavioral, emotional and personality disorders. She uses that to get away with how she treats me. 

My DH has been as supportive of me as he possibly can. I sincerely believe that. She has threatened suicide so many times, he has to tiptoe around her. 

Putting myself in his shoes, I actually understand. 

He reassures me that he supports me and apologizes to me for her behavior. He has told me multiple times that she simply cannot communicate like a normal human being. That she is seriously mentally ill and since she is an adult, there's little he can do. 

She is actually a danger to herself and others but when she thinks she is getting her way, she backs off a while and submarines. 

I was hoping to find books to read that will help me keep on keeping on because I know future abuse is always right around the corner. 

Should I study the illnesses more? I am hoping there are books available that are specific to stepparents being emotionally abused. 


frustratedbonusmom's picture

I agree, I am suprised there is not. My mom was recently divoriced mainly (not entirely) due to a lot of issues created from adult step daughter.

CLove's picture

1. Read up and copy this post to the Adult Stepkids forum here on steptalk.

2. Read up on topics to do with her "diagnosi" - reading about bi polar and narcissistic personality disorders has helped me - both in my experience and with SD16 and Husband.

3. Boundaries - read up on creating and enforcing boundaries. Thats what you have been doing.

I look forward to others more specific recs.

Shieldmaiden's picture

It seems like there are no books on this, from the stepmom's perspective when the relationship with skids goes bad. I don't think anyone wants to be blamed for being a "bad stepmom" because its so common to blame the step parent for everything that goes wrong. Maybe one of us should write a book on this? 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I was actually thinking of doing that. A friend of mine is a published author (15-16 books) and I have some crazy experiences!

Unfortunately, writing a book in today's world has turned into a pain. Publishers are requiring a note for each chapter that might contain a trigger for the reader. Yep, a trigger. Why? To avoid being SUED! Heaven forbid that me throwing away poop-laden skid skivvies triggers some poor poopsie. I'd need a disclaimer on the first page in inch-high font: Do NOT read if you're an overly sensitive dipshidiot.

Elea's picture

Trigger warnings are so stupid. Meanwhile real abuse is still ignored, minimized and dismissed.

Kes's picture

"Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad might be good reading matter for you. 

SeeYouNever's picture

"Stop walking on eggshells" by mason has excellent advice for dealing with boarderlines.

Survivingstephell's picture

Bipolar books by Julie Fast will be very helpful in helping you to understand it and how to not get sucked in by it.  

George Simon writes about character disorders, he has YouTube and a blog also. is a great blog about high conflict people.  She also wrote a book and has a fb group.  

There are my go to resources.  The book Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend is good in helping you keep the drama out and where it belongs.  

CajunMom's picture

While there aren't any books I know of that tackle that exact topic, there are a multitude of books out there that can help you understand a lot of what we go though. 

My favorite author/psychologist dealing with Parental Alienation and the subsequent issues is Dr. Amy J.L. Baker. Her books are available through Amazon and other bookstores. She has her own website.

Another great book my other group of SMs relied on is Understanding The Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship.

Mom's House, Dad's House is another good book to help understand some of the crap we navigate.

The Townsend/Cloud author team (mentioned above) are a great resourse for developing healthy boundaries. 

Googling things like "Parental Alienation," toxic ex wives; dealing with high conflict step life, etc will bring up a lot of books. I just did this and was shocked to see how much more is available these days than in the past when I entered StepHell 15 years ago. 

Best to you.

Evil4's picture

I adore Dr. Ramani on youtube. She explains NPD and all the different roles and effects in a family. She has tons of videos on her channel. I recommend her videos quite frequently because of how cathartic they are. They helped explain so much about my SD33 and her impact on all the other family members.

Elea's picture

I liked Stepmonster although a lot of the information may apply more to step-children that are still children.