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DHs ex still has FB profile pictures of them together.

thisisus's picture

I hope I am wrong. But, I feel really weird that my husband's ex girlfriend (who had a relationship with my adult SKs) still has at least thirty FB profile pictures of them as a couple for the public to see. We have a minor child and he asked me why this woman has pictures of his stepdad on her profile pictures. It's weird and I don't know how to deal with it. I assumed once we were married she would end the drama. But, we have been together three years and married for nearly six months and the old couple photos are still there. I swear I am not an insecure woman. I just feel like it's a disrespect thing for my marriage. Am I stupid for caring? I understand it can be hard for a woman to move on and get over a man. But, Jesus, he's married. If I was a man and I looked up a single woman who I was thinking about asking out on a date and her profile pictures were of her and her ex, I simply would not ask her out. She's only hurting herself. So, why does it bother me? My husband is afraid of hurting her feelings by asking her to take them down. I'm glad he cares about the feelings of others. But, what about my son's feelings? I realize this is the old bait and switch and I am doing my best not to fall for it. It's just super creepy. 


tog redux's picture

It's weird and says a lot about her. But I wouldn't tell her to take it down. Just tell your son that they used to be a couple and apparently she never took the pictures down. Then stop looking. 

ETA: maybe I'm confused about where the pictures are. If they are buried in old albums and she has more recent ones, then I agree with 1dad4kids. 

Merry's picture

This isn't something you can control. Write her off as pathetic. It's a simple explanation to your son that she used to be DH's girlfriend.

And I think DH contacting her to ask that she take the pictures down will just encourage her to leave them up. She got a response from him, and she'll twist that into some fantasy that he still cares.

Put her on total ignore.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

And your DH's control. BM has photos from when DH and her were dating, their wedding day, then photos of DH, the kids, and her. They haven't been together in 4 years, but she still leaves them on her page. 

Messaging her about them won't make her take them down instead just give her the attention she wants so I wouldn't do anything except not look at her page. Dh messaged BM several times in the beginning of us dating to take his first name off her Facebook page because it was part of her name on there because she liked it to look like they shared a Facebook page. Wasn't until he stopped asking and while after she wasn't getting attention for it that she finally took it down. 

Felicity0224's picture

I think this all depends on if she's continually changing her profile picture and using the old ones. If she has literally never once changed her profile picture since they broke up, or if they're just in her profile photo album set to public and she hasn't deleted them then I don't see what the big deal is. 

The only time I've gone through albums and deleted pics is when my BIL's wife left him suddenly and he was devastated. We all deleted everything she was in because we didn't want it popping up in his memories and causing him pain. 

How did your son see these pics? I would definitely block her from his account and yours, tell him she was his dad's ex-girlfriend and leave it at that. If your husband contacts her and it's something totally harmless like the scenarios I mentioned above, she will definitely think and tell people that you're insecure about her. And if she is doing it for malicious purposes, she'll know that it's bothering you and won't ever stop. Asking her to take them down is lose-lose, IMO. 

Findthemiddle's picture

I get why you're bothered - but neither you or your husband can tell her what to do on her stupid Fakebook page.  Don't look and don't share with your son.  Y'all are married - she's the ex - don't borrow trouble.  Easy fix.

Crspyew's picture

Their relationship happened.  It can't be erased.  It is her social media account not yours, block her or quit looking at her Facebook. Your marriage is between you and your husband, it shouldn't be impacted by anyone outside of the two of you.  I swear social media is given waaaaay too much power by too many people.  It truly only has tbe power you give it.


eta:  why do so mant people still have Facebook?  I thought all the cool kids were on insta or tiktok?

la_dulce_vida's picture

"We have a minor child and he asked me why this woman has pictures of his stepdad on her profile pictures."

Together 3 years, married 6 months. If you have a child together, he's less than 3. He doesn't have a facebook account so you must be showing him the pictures. I doubt a 3 year old understands.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why are you looking through photos of your DH's ex on Facebook with your son? And why are you finding it challenging to tell your son "oh, that's DH's XGF, and those are pictures of them together before he and I started dating"?

You can't control what she does. It's not your problem to worry about her dating life. Unless your DH is looking at her profile frequently and walking down memory lane, I don't see how this is your problem. She's his ex and he gets to decide if he is or isn't comfortable with those photos and how he wants to approach it with her. Not you. It's weirder that you care than it is for her to have photos in her Facebook albums.

justmakingthebest's picture

I don't even know who my DH's exes are beyond the 2 BM's. I know there were others but I have never even thought about finding them or looking at their social media.

I think you need to block her and come to peace with the fact that you weren't his first but you are his last and let it go. 

Winterglow's picture

Why do you even care? Who is he married to now? What does it matter what she has on Facebook because she is ancient history for your DH? She is irrelevant in your couple. So just stop checking out her page because you are giving her way more space in your mind than she deserves. 

Why on earth are you showing your son someone else's FB, someone he doesn't even know?

Stepdrama2020's picture

Just put this woman in the pathetic box and walk away.

No you cannot control her. Obviously DH doesnt have a problem with this, so there is nothing you can do. 

Would I be pissed HELL YES. BUT there is nothing I could do. Maybe explain to your bio that is an old relationship of step daddio and leave it at that. How did he come across it anyways? Not that it matters, but just curious.


ESMOD's picture

The more odd thing I see here is why your minor child is looking at her facebook page?  What is the connection? why would he be looking at some older woman's page? 

Depending on the age of your son.. it's either.. she and stepdad used to be friends.. or used to date.

why are the pictures still there?  some people don't clean out old pictures on facebook.. 

but really... why is he on her page?

thisisus's picture

My son is a teen and my XH probably showed it to him to try to poison him against my DH. I have no idea. It's profile pictures not buried albums or timeline nonsense from years ago. I understand the bait and switch and I need to be the bigger woman. They didn't leave on great terms. According to DH she was an alcoholic and was abusive, even hit him. I just hope she moves on one day soon. I'm taking everyone's advice. 

thisisus's picture

All other ex boyfriends and even her ex husband have been removed from her profile images. I think initially that's what weirded me out. Because that showed it wasn't leaving history there to tell a story or anything. My DH was singled out. If all the other men were in there too, I think I probably never would have cared. For whatever reason, she's just holding on to my DH. I guess there are things you just can't ever understand or explain.