RePost for the N00bs. How to Spot the RED FLAGS!!

Since all the guilty/disney daddy, skids and HCGUBMs (high conflict golden uterus biomoms) read off the exact.same.script 99% of the time, I'm reposting this as I see a lot of n00bs here with the same.exact situations that we have all been through since the inception of this site (a good 15 years or so?):

1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "you're the adult here" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.

If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.

Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?

Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.

How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?

There are many other considerations as this type of relationship is not to be taken lightly.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!

thinkthrice's blog
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Comments

Lol all of these and added:

Lol all of these and added:
Does your DH engage with BM over every little thing, and not set boundaries!
DH allows the kids an open door policy and expects you to allow skids and BM on your property, or in your house!
Does your DH insist that the only trips taken are when skids are present, and there are no outings with out them.
Does your DH allow the BM to change the CO at the drop of a hat and expects you to adjust accordingly even if you had other plans?

Are your finances combined

Are your finances combined and you are paying for HIS kids?

Is his job sufficient to support himself and his kids? Or does he "need you" to make ends meet?

Are YOU paying HIS child support?

Has SD lived with SO during her adult life?
When you meet SD, does she talk about how close she and SO are and that everyone comments about it?
Does SD call SO every few months crying that she overdrew her credit card because she needed a $700 pair of glasses?
Does SD brag to people that she can get her father to do whatever she wants, including bail her out if she needs it?
Does SD really turn on the charm when you first meet her, but then tell SO she really really likes you but SO is moving too fast?
Does it appear that SD has her head in the air and looks down her nose at you?
Does she tell you that she likes you so much more than SO’s previous girlfriend, and your SO had no inkling SD disliked past girlfriend?
Does your SO giggle when recalling poor behavior from SD’s childhood?
Does your SO talk about how easy it is for SD to charm people to get what she wants (to us, charm = manipulate)?
Did your SD grow up with a chronic illness where she was treated like a poor wounded doe?
Does she complain about seeing her dad less, now that he is seeing you…..even though she is 27 and has a boyfriend?
Does she talk about how pretty she is?
Gossips about her friends in front of her father.
Does your SO think SD does no wrong, even though he has giggled about her past poor behavior and that she gains through charm?
Was SD in a mean girl sorority that drew circles with a magic marker around imperfections on the sorority pledges bodies?
Does she always have an entourage around her of very superficial looking people?
Does SD speak in Kardashian and set up teams against other people?
Nothing is EVER SD’s fault. Her boss, college professor, is AGAINST her.
Does SD need to be the center of attention?
Does SO act more like SD's friend than father? Does SO go drinking with SD?
The night before you get married, when everyone is toasting your marriage, does she say “now I can’t go to my dad’s house whenever I want!”
And finally, does SO say “that’s just the way she is?”

This sound like my former SD.

This sound like my former SD. I left my exsteplife because of all the above. “That’s just the way she is”. Yup that was my favorite