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Red Flag List for the N00bs

thinkthrice's picture


1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them?  Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "you're the adult here" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?"  This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either.  He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.

If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.

Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?

Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.

How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?


thinkthrice's picture

Been here for the last oh 13 years or so.  I found myself questioning my sanity as well as my good old fashioned parenting techniques; even as a single mom I parented the old fashioned way (GASP!!!)  That's when I found this site and knew I wasn't alone! 

I thought everyone parented properly until I met Chef who even with PETS is extremely spoiling!!!  The Girhippo is even worse which is hard to imagine.

Chmmy's picture

I wish I would have found this site before I got married. Im trying really hard lately to be more patient but they are all so obnoxious and I truly dont like them. Lazy entitled spoiled brats...but to be honest not as bad as the house shitter and the animal torturer

thinkthrice's picture

has been that the Girhippo had such a accelerated scorched earth PAS policy that all three PASed out in no time flat.  I think I had to put up with them from beginning to end for a total of 5 years and 2 months.  It was horrible though.  Just like having gone through a world war and i still have PTSD from it

Chmmy's picture

I wish these kids would PAS. They don't want much to do with their mom but we force the little ones to go. 4 nights a month if we're lucky. My DH doesn't even want to be around them anymore but he created this mess for himself.

Onemorewickedwitch's picture

What PAS stand for?? I'm new and I can't figure this one out lol

paul_in_utah's picture

is one of the few people who have been here longer than me.  I do remember her old "auteur" handle. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes and yes .... too late now and I must say DH is getting better and seeing the light after I disengaged. 

Paintcrisis's picture

Does your man expect standards from your children but make excuses for his own because 'they are just boys' or 'I can't help it if they won't listen to me'?

thinkthrice's picture

ye olde double standard.  Guilty daddy examines your DD or DS with a micron microscope for flaws and faults so he can feel better about his axe murdering savages.

somethingwicked's picture

Do you poop out at parties? Try Vita-Meata-Vegemin..

Your list reminded me of that old I Love Lucy Classic skit.


TOO BAD there isn't a tonic to help  SP deal with all the StepHell fallout..

Oh Wait..there is...Vodka!