And this is my life
Saturday morning BM called me. She has never contacted me before. The oldest had my number in his cell when he moved there so I assume that's how she got it.
She called at 8:20. VM at 8:23 yep, 3 mins long. Then she started texting. Then she started with DH. By 9:10 he had over 24 texts and 10 VMs and I had 15 VMs and 20 something texts. It kept up ALL morning.
She threatened to call DH's work, all my relatives, the school, our church, the cops, and WILL TAKE DH TO COURT AND HAVE HIM SERVED!!!!!!!!!! Why? Because she sent a drum set to SS10. She talked him into wanting one and then just sent it. DH and I look at this as more crap about trying to control OUR home. So the drums went back. BM is apparently going to take DH to court because "BY LAW YOU CANNOT STOP ME FROM GIVING MY SONS PRESENTS!!!!!"
She is always, always, always threatening about court. And yet, never have they ever gone after the initial divorce.
Then Sunday we wake up to the same crap. VMs, threatening texts, emails. Just total harassment. I go out into the kitchen and SS10 is video chatting with BM. He is taking her on a tour of our new home. Opening cabinets to show her everything, the works. He even asks to show her our bedroom. URGH. Then BM says to have SS12 come over and they say 'but the wicked is here' she says 'no problem she can know too'. Then she goes off on how they are HER children and so do not have to be a part of our home and follow rules or anything. They should feel free to do as they please and remember that if they make DH mad he will hurt them.
I was livid. DH has never even spanked them! Which is probably the freaking problem! They hang up and SS12 brings his harmonica and electric guitar to the living room. That is a no-no and to top it off he can't play either of them. I say,'Nope in your bedroom'. He gives me lip. I wait a minute or two. Take it in your bedroom. He gets all upset and storms off cussing at me.
I go to the bedroom where DH asks me what is wrong. I tell him what happened and said SS12 is acting like an asshole because his stupid mother won't get the hell of our lives! She is ruining everyone's happiness! And that would be when SS12 bursts into tears and starts screaming in the hall. He had been listening at our door.
DH goes out to calm everyone down. SS12 starts screaming "don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" DH comes back. About half an hour later DH says he thinks we should play a game with the kids. He chooses a card game I bought just for us for us to have something special. He asks me to play. I say no. He asks me again and says the skids feel like I don't like them and don't want to be around them when I don't participate. Well they got it right...
So I play. SS10 used a baby voice and turned every turn into a chance for a song and dance routine. SS12 was pissy and spent all his time one upping everyone and sulking every time he didn't win the round. Oh, and constantly staring at me and questioning me for my approval. I hated every single minute. I just sat there thinking 'this is my life and they are going to be like this forever'.
BM will never stop. DH sent her an email saying she is harassing us. She may send one email per week, no texts ever, and a voice mail in case of emergency. He is going to see a lawyer this week. I just have to live with both her and the bratty skids. SS12 constantly picks fights and up ends everything so all the attention is on him. Then SS10 demands everyone watch him all the time. Him doing dance moves, hand jive, putting on his hat in a 'cool' way or talks everyone's ear off about superheros and his pretend superhero team.
I've spent the last two years being yelled at, having my stuff broken or tossed out, money is stolen, physical violence so bad the cops are called, and the freaking running away. I have moved 5 times in less than 3 years. Two of them cross country. Every penny I have has been dumped into this 'family'.
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Comments
Wow, and I thought I had it
Wow, and I thought I had it rough. Wish I had something more helpful to say but that is a tough situation.
I do find mixing Fresca and a splash of pomegranate juice with two shots of Patron and one of triple sec makes most things bearable.
Cheers
I would restrict the internet
I would restrict the internet if they're going to be giving BM tours and if she's going to be using it as a route to alienate the kids.
There is no fundamental human right to video chat, and even to use a computer. Cut the kids off. When it is no longer summer vacation, have one desktop computer in the living room that can only be used for homework, and restrict which websites it can go to.
I would also block BM from your phone. You aren't a parent and she does not need to get in touch with you.
I blocked her as did DH. DH
I blocked her as did DH. DH acts like the skids must have electronics to keep them occupied so cutting the skids off is harder.
Ok, the SS is face timing the
Ok, the SS is face timing the BM your home? No way in hell would that go over with me. I would have jerked the phone from his hand and he would have gotten a piece of my mind right then and there. That is just so way over the top, that would be a deal breaker for me. DH would put a stop to that or one of us would be gone.
Ok, so now I know what's
Ok, so now I know what's wrong with the boy. Evil BM. Got it.
I love how the kids are
I love how the kids are rewarded for the behavior with attention and a "family" time activity. I don't know why some parents are so blind to the way the encourage the bad behavior by trying to paper over the cracks, keep everyone happy and force everyone to get along.
Oh yeah, and BM is a bitch. If you can try to get a recording of her PASing out the kids, I can't believe she would be so blatant and say all of that in front of you.
^^^^ EXACTLY!!!! Throw a
^^^^ EXACTLY!!!!
Throw a tantrum, eavesdrop, act the fool..... and you get a talking to and GAME NIGHT!!!!!!!!!
Why the hell is dh even
Why the hell is dh even entertaining the skids complaints about you, when they had been rude, abusive, non compliant and using tears and lies as a means of getting out of their bad behaviour? Why did he then reward them with that chat where they said they feel you dont like them and playing a game? It just encourages it, along with the fact he allows them u supervised access to electronics, which provides bm the opportunity to pas, shit stir and poke her nose into your home?
Yes bm is a massive problem, along with confused skids who are behaving like brats, but so is dh a huge issue!
Firstly, he should never allow them unsupervised access to phones/facetime/social media which allows both bm and skids the opportunity to bitch and cause trouble. As they egg one another on. Anytime skids are caught invading your household privacy the call is terminated IMMEDIATELY. Same goes for calls where bm bad mouths you, dh or gives skids explicit instructions to misbehave. Sorry but any parent who does this is NOT entitled unfettered access to their child and thus the ex. So calls are made at designated times and only on speakerphone with dh, get it in the custody order if necessary.
Report all and any harassment to police, keep all records of harassment as evidence to support above issue.
Any time skid goes off like they did, dh to deal. If hes asleep or busy, tough. His kids, his ex. They DO NOT get rewarded with dad having a chat where they air their grievances because they are just trying to get out of what they have done i.e. be manipulative and your dh falls for it. He doesnt listen, he punishes them first and he also does t reward with treats like games ffs!
You should have immediately
You should have immediately shut down the facetiming and the skid showing off your home. Absolutely NO. You should take away their electronics as soon as they arrive. They will all (DH included) will survive and deal. I would also change the wifi just in case they have other gadgets. Your problem isn't your life, it's BM putting herself in your life so get rid of as much of her as possible. Take away their cells, email her she can call a one certain time and day and ignore everything else and if I were you I would go ahead and get a restraining order or whatever for all the calling/text/voicemails she's already left. That will show her yall are serious and not bluffing like she likes to do. She won't follow your boundaries until you give her some and MAKE her follow them and since your DH doesn't scare her then maybe a restraining order just might.
The facetiming probably
The facetiming probably bothered me way more than it should have. I just feel like she was right in our faces all weekend. DH has demanded the skids respect me and obey me from day 1. While there is sometimes lots of chaos DH never allows abuse of me or bios. Almost all their anger is towards him.
The electronics are a huge issue. SS12 came back from BM with NC17 and M xbox games. Very violent. DH is always looking for the best in everyone and refuses to see that the skids are manipulative and sneaky.
If there are not some serious boundaries I will think about serious changes.
We had the video chat issue
We had the video chat issue this summer we tried to shut it down but I am sure it was after the full tour of our home.