Wow DH, you really showed our 4 month old!!!
We have a few house rules that I enforce with both BD8 and SD6 (no TV after 8pm or before 8am, must knock on master bedroom, can only go in if invited or ask to go in, no toys in living room because they have a great play area in their bedroom and I work out of he house so that way it is not messy when I have clients come over and it doesn't cause confusion why they can do it sometimes and not others). This morning I reminded DH the toys stayed in the bedroom when SD had a whole play set on the couch. She got upset. DH told her basically not to worry if he says it's ok then she can do it. What kind of BS is that!!! She cleaned it up though. I asked DH if I could talk to him privately. I explained that he can't just give exceptions to house rules just to placate her. She has her room to play in, I make BD follow that rule without exception etc. He told me I'm being a dictator etc. Anyway, it was left with both of us not agreeing with each other. When I got back home from grocery shopping, all BS 4 months's little rattle type toys that were in the living room were thrown in our bedroom. Good job for taking it out on our son DH. Way to go, you sure showed him! And good job leaving the house with SD's toys left out in the middle of her room cuz 2 can play if that's the game you want to play.
Wellll.... if you want no
Wellll.... if you want no toys in the living room, it needs to be consistent. I get he was being childish, but... he does have a point.
Also, do both the girls share a room? AND they are only allowed to play in their room? That seems really restrictive, IMO.
no dtzy, saf is right. and if
no dtzy, saf is right. and if the skids get in trouble for not making their bed, etc, the baby should be punished for not making his bed, etc, too. (eye roll).
It was agreed upon. He forgot
It was agreed upon. He forgot about it. Yes. I understand it goes all around and he was making that point but BS is a baby. He doesn't have a room. Both SD and BD share a room. Other people have playrooms for their kids, it's no different. They have a huge area to play in there since they have a bunkbed. My point is: a rule was agreed apron, conveniently forgotten to placate SD then giving her an exception to the rule whenever he feels like it. I feel if there are rules they should be simple. Not: well you can do this then at this time bit not this thing at another time. It gets too confusing for kids. There is less arguing and negotiating with the kids. It just pisses me off he is always placating Her, makes me look like the a-hole instead of just saying. Well, lets go set you up in your room.
I agree. If you have agreed
I agree. If you have agreed upon rules, then consistency is needed.
I'm just thinking maybe it's time the rule gets revamped a little.
(Now, if the girls share a room and your son doesn't have a room, it sounds like your place is really small, and I really feel for you!)
Keeping two young girls, unrelated by blood and put together because their parents fell in love, made to share a room AND their playspace may be a bit much. There is nowhere they can go. It must feel claustrophobic to be forced to do everything in ONE room, and one you share at that. I'm just saying I wouldn't like it if it were me. Not to mention, in order to play, they have to alienate themselves from the rest of the family.
What about modifying the rule so that they each only bring one toy out at a time? If soandso wants to play Littlest Pet Shop, she can play on the living room floor with the rest of her family around, participate in the family, AND not make a mess for when you need to see clients.
Sometimes, "all or nothing" is unneccessary. But I do agree that the rules should be equally enforced.
PS: YES, many times kids have playrooms, However, those are PLAY rooms, NOT their bedrooms. It's very different. You're forcing these girls to be around each other nonstop, and I'll bet that backfires hard when they hit their teens.
I feel ya, I have a no eating
I feel ya, I have a no eating or drinking in the front room rule for anyone under the age of 21. Every day they all act like this is the first time they have ever heard it. And SO can walk right by them doin it and doesnt say a word :O
What is the point in having rules if there are 13 exceptions to each one?
Its either a rule, or it isnt.
Do clients come over
Do clients come over unexpectedly? On a weekend? If not the rules can be relaxed on those days. One toy at a time seems reasonable even if clients do show up at the door after all it is a home not a office.
SD is rarely home. Either
SD is rarely home. Either with BM or grandma. When she is here she is usually following DH around outside. Plays outside quite a bit. My BD draws a lot and is more solitary. The rule isn't extreme, and based on the dynamics of the house, is appropriate. When we move into a larger house I'm sure they will have heir own rooms and have another area to hang out/play but we are in a small house and see no reason common areas need to be cluttered. Or to listen to loud make believe doll talk while trying to relax and read or watch a movie. It's ironic because girls used to do their HW on dining room table but DH wanted them to do that in their rooms this year at their desks. And they can have books in living room, watch TV, interact with family, but toys kept in bedroom and stay there. I'm now done justifying why the rule was put there in the first place. I am pissed because DH doesn't uphold rules we both agreed on. And conveniently forgets just like SD conveniently forgets. It makes me look like the bad person. It happens a lot. If DH tells BD to do something I'm always backing him up. Every time. DH hasn't done that in the past and I recently disengaged which makes my life so much easier. Which is why I talked to DH about the rule not directly to SD.
well, i see both sides. on
well, i see both sides. on the one hand, if sd cant have toys out, either should the other 2.
on the other hand, ur dh was being childish in making his point. a 4month old cannot understand the concept of his toys, let alone put them away himself.
I'm finding this site
I'm finding this site awefully entertaining. Some of you have valid points, some of you are ridiculous, some really help and others should keep their comments to themselves because if you read EVERYTHING I wrote you would understand what I was really venting about. It wasn't about the toys. That's not the point. It's that when a rule is a rule, it's a rule. And when DH says behind my back, well SD you can do this when I say it's ok it puts me in the antagonist position, DH the hero and SD the victim. The vicious drama triangle. I'm sick of it. If I made my disabled BD a victim she wouldn't be the well adjusted, confident person she is. She would be more like SD, angry, insecure and cunning. Anyhow. I wrote to vent. I did, and I'm cool now. Just need to figure out a way to stay out of the triangle. Never a winning situation. Thought this was a site to vent but turns out a lot of time it's a way for people to pick on others in what they think is right. Well, all households are different. And til you walk a day in my shoes do you have a right to judge the decisions we make in our household.
No kidding. A rule is a rule
No kidding. A rule is a rule is a rule. Period.
But if she doesn't want to keep the baby toys out, she doesn't have to. ::eyeroll::
I think it is unrealistic to
I think it is unrealistic to live in a home with 3 kids and think that toys will never leave the bedroom. Your 4 month old's toys in the living room is proof positive of that. It is just not realistic to have that expectation 100% of the time.
So while you think your husband went behind your back, he may be thinking "this rule is extreme and and my daughter and I will pick up the toys once we are finished playing with them". I personally would not fight about this.
Hi, welcome You are right,
You are right, rules were made, agreed upon and your OH IS doing the wrong thing in changing them to suit his daughter in the way that he did.
IF he had a problem with that rule and it needed tweaking (I do agree with others on that point - perhaps reviewing the rule would be the way to go) but point was - he should have done the adult "team" thing and discussed the issue with you rather than just allowing his daughter to break the rule, making him the hero and you the bad guy.
It's all in how he handled it. If he had issues he should have worked them through with YOU rather than just letting her do it.
I do think you should discuss it with him (when you are both calm) and say that you can see that he has a problem with the rule, perhaps that you both need to compromise on that one and change it a little, but that your main problem is that he undermined you etc. Try and stay calm and present your point of view without getting upset and emotional and just discuss the whole situation.
Good luck
No, I think it can be clearly
No, I think it can be clearly said that those children who have a room can't have toys anywhere in the house, the baby who shares the room with mom and dad can have some out.I don't understand what the problem is.A six and an eight year old will understand that a few baby toys are ok because the baby can't play anywhere else by himself!