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SD sleeping in

Stepmama2321's picture

So currently my bf and I live in a 1BD apartment. Our daughter is almost 1 and she sleeps with us. My stepdaughter is 8 and sleeps on the couch in the living room. We have her EOW. Normally, my daughter wakes up 6:30-7, we go downstairs, I make coffee, and her breakfast. She also plays in the living room as it's a safe area with a baby gate, all of her toys, and she can freely crawl. However, when my stepdaughter is here, we are cooped up in the bedroom for hours until she wakes up. So my daughter doesn't get her breakfast and she doesn't get to play around like she normally does, I mean we bring toys into our room for her but it's not a large space. My stepdaughter stays up past midnight on her tablet and watching tv, even when we start bedtime at 7:30 and she complains how it's still light outside. She has no rules at her mothers house so it's her schedule to stay up late and sleep in all day. However at our house, that's not our schedule and I try to be accommodating to her because it's not her fault she doesn't have a bedroom here but I've had enough! It's not my babies fault either and I don't think it's fair to stay in the bedroom until princess wakes. Fed up!

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Excuse me? Your one year old has to wait to EAT because sd is allowed to stay up late? Your husband needs to start parenting his daughter better. Until then, I guess sd is going to be tired. 

In NO reality should your 1yr old be skipping breakfast because of this. 

Stepmama2321's picture

When you put it that way, I feel horrible! I'm not starving my child, as she is under 1 and still on formula so kind of food is just for fun type age but it disrupts the routine we have established for sure. I just wanted to be accommodating to my SD since it's not her fault she doesn't have a space of her own. 

SteppedOut's picture

Food is not just for fun at age 1. And routine IS very important for young kids. Eapecially meals. Healthy eating habits start early! 

Stepmama2321's picture

I think structure is very important and we typically have a great routine! It's just 4x a month it gets thrown off unfortunately and it's starting to become very frustrating, which is why I was venting. I just wanted to assure you I'm not starving my child lol 

BethAnne's picture

Just do what you normally would do in the living areas. If sd wakes up early then she can either stay up and will tire earlier that evening getting to sleep at a more reasonable time, or she can go to the bedroom and make up a bed for herself on the floor to sleep for a bit longer. 

I know it is hard to do when there is a "guest" in your home, but stop feeling like you have to work around her. She is not a guest to be prioritized to an exceptional extent, but a part of the family who needs to fit in with your usual routines. 

Obviously the ideal situation would be that your boyfriend start parenting his kid responsibly but reading between the lines, it seems as though you might have to take things into your own hands. 

Stepmama2321's picture

That's what my issue is. I feel like she's a guest rather than part of the family. I obviously include her in everything but the no rules at her moms and her strange sleep schedule carries over to our house as well. 

tog redux's picture

Is this something your DH insists that you do? Nope - go about your day as you usually would. If he wants his precious to be able to sleep in, he can pony up for a bigger place.

ndc's picture

On the rare occasions when my SDs (7 and 5) stay up late, they like to sleep late also.  The difference is that no one accommodates them.  My baby and I get up and carry on with our normal routine.  Granted, the SDs are not sleeping in the living room, but even if they were I wouldn't tiptoe around them.  If I'm planning on going out, they get woken up and hurried to get ready.  If I was planning to vacuum, oh well, if you can't sleep through the vacuum you're SOL, because you should already be up.

Why in the world is this child allowed to stay up late on her tablet every night?  She should have a bedtime!  Of course, since she's not being provided with a bedroom, that might mean that you all have to clear out of the living room at her bedtime, but that's not the child's issue, that's on her father.  If she has a bedtime and you all retire to the bedroom and she still stays up on her tablet, or watching TV, or whatever, then you (meaning her father) need to confiscate the tablet at bedtime, disconnect the cable, or whatever else it takes.  And stop disrupting your morning routine because she's asleep.  Sleeping in is simply not an option for her in your current situation.

Stepmama2321's picture

Thank you for understanding that it is just a CURRENT situation and not completely judging that it is not IDEAL. I wish we had a bigger place and she could have her own space but it's just not the way it is right now... but I agree I guess time to stop tiptoeing around and have my bf parent better. We give her a bedtime, do bedtime routine, say goodnight and we go upstairs. I agree I hate iPads and time for bf to take it away if she can't follow the bedtime. 

hereiam's picture

I agree with those who say to carry on as you normally would. But I also agree that you are going to need a bigger place.

Back in the day, DH moved in with me, into my 1 bedroom apartment. Until we bought a house, SD slept in the living room and we did not change our morning routine. No, it wasn't her fault she that didn't have her own bedroom, but it's not like we got up at 4:00 am and started banging around pots and pans. To her credit, she never complained about getting up when we did. She was a pretty easy going kid!

Is there a reason that you tip toe around her? Does your BF ask you to?

Stepmama2321's picture

We are working on getting a bigger place!! Bf went to trade school to get a better job. I am a full time student working on my BA. We are in this living situation so we can save up quicker! He hasn't ever asked me to but I feel uncomfortable (in my own home no less) to go downstairs and wake her myself. I feel like my bf needs to. You're always watching your every move as a step mom so they don't hate you

still learning's picture

I've lived in several apt buildings across the country and they all had a 3 person or less limit on a one bedroom apt.  Your BF is a soon to be father of 3, he needs to provide space for all the little lives he's creating.  How do you plan on doing this with 5 people in the home?  Are you set to move soon?  

In the mean time have SD get up and move to your bedroom in the morning if she wants to sleep more while you and baby go to the living room.  Also dad needs to take a parenting class or read a book about how to set boundaries with his kids. He needs to have SD turn in her tablet by 8:00 or 9:00 pm so she can wind down and get to sleep.  Also a vacestomy may be in order if he can't afford all the kids he's making.  You may need to get a job if you don't have one and contribute if you're not already.  

It sounds like you're frustrated at a child for a situation created by the adults in her life.  Deal with your bf and your finances, move into a bigger place, and have bf parent his kid.  

Stepmama2321's picture

You must have misunderstood me. I am in no way frustrated at my SD. I KNOW it is not her fault she doesn't have a bedroom here. It's ours as providers. If you read above I have thoroughly explained my situation. Choose to have compassion for the situation or think I'm stupid, i don't care but this is the situation at hand. I realize it is not ideal. We will soon have FOUR people in our home 24/7, me, my bf, and our 2 children who will be 2 and under. I have always planned to cosleep even if I lived in a mansion so I'm not worried about space with my children. We have my step daughter who is here 4x a month and at this time not willing to take years to save up for a home rather than 1 year to save up for a home in order to provide her a room that won't be used 26 days of the month. 

still learning's picture

I don't think it's fair to stay in the bedroom until princess wakes. Fed up!

^This makes it sound like you may be a bit peeved at "princess" rather than the situation.  Thank goodness your parents are providing you and your growing family a place to live.  Due to fire regulations you'd never be able to rent a 1 BR apt with as many people in your home. Regardless of how many overnights SD has she needs parenting and a proper place to sleep.  You stated you have a 2 story 1200 foot apt.  Use your imagination and figure out an area that could be SD's "bedroom."  It could be made multi-use so that room dividers and the bed could be folded up when she's not there.  

Not sure why you feel you need compassion. Your parents are providing for you, your kid, bf, and sd.  Perhaps it's time to put on your big girl panties and figure this out.  Plenty of ideas if you google Tiny Home living, Tiny Space Ideas. You are going to be with bf forever right? So that means SD will be there too.  

 

Stepmama2321's picture

I'm annoyed that we have to put 1 person above the rest of the members of the household, sure. How is 1 person more important than the others is my point of calling her princess. FYI, we do pay my parents rent. And to be 100% honest, they would love us to live her as long as possible because they love seeing all of us often! Other than taking away my SD's play area, there are NO other options! 

still learning's picture

Giving SD a proper place to sleep and a bedtime is not putting her above the rest of you.  It sounds like your mind is made up about your situation. Best of luck.  

Stepmama2321's picture

In a perfect world, she would have a proper place to sleep. However, I have extensively explained the current situation at hand. You keep suggesting buying a bigger home, which is not an option ATM, renting a home or an apartment would be an option however it would push our goal of buying a home way further out, so yes, my mind of staying in our current situation to meet our goal quicker, is made up and I'm not going to change that. Yes, it'll be not great living for a year or so but in the long run, it will pay off! Sometimes you have to make due with circumstances to have better options later on. Anyway, the reason I made this post was to ask for advice on how to navigate the current situation. Like so I continue hoarding us in the bedroom until 10-11am when my SD wakes to allow her to sleep in, since like I've said numerous times, it isn't by her fault that she has to sleep in the living room, or do I go about my usual routine. Thats all I was asking advice on. I get people want to put their 2 cents in about my life choices but it's taken with a grain of salt, you don't know me or full understand the situation, so wasn't asking for your opinion on that, feel free to give it if you want, I don't care. Just wanted to know what others would do in my situation. Or what is fair to do in this situation. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Like several others have posted you just get up and start you day like normal. Sd can deal with it. My SS will stay up literally all night. DH leave for work at 4 am and SS will still be awake. Don't think for a second that when I go to clean house on Saturday/Sunday that I don't run the vacuum, stomp up and down the stairs, play music, etc. I even go in his room and scoop up dirty clothes. 

That is my house and a kid isn't going to change the way I do things. 

Stepmama2321's picture

That's why I made this post. I felt it was not right to allow our whole routine to be pushed to the back burner just to allow a child to sleep in until 10-11 because they stay up all night but because of our sh*tty circumstances, I also felt a little guilty. I wanted to get some insight from others who may understand. Lol and my weekend days are also my cleaning days usually because my bf works long hours during the week so I finally get a couple hours uninterrupted while he helps with my daughter. Except on the weekends we have her, I wait until she leaves Sunday to clean and I hate it because I'm pregnant and it kills my back ugh! 

Stepmama2321's picture

Unfortunately, the living room/dinning room is one big open space. The kitchen is directly connected to it. The only other space is our bedroom but then the babies will wake her throughout the night. The only option is the living room. It's not ideal, I know. But that's the only option. Other than living in my parents home, which has 3 extra bedrooms upstairs, but we opted for the apartment on their property so we could have our own space. Maybe when my SD is here we'll have to pack all our stuff up and venture to their house to sleep? I just don't want to do that either.