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The first timer....

theunseenstepmom's picture

I’ve literally screamed, cried, confided,etc... and yet I still feel like I’m not good enough. Not a good enough mom, not a good enough wife, and not a good enough step mom. My husbands ex wife and some of my in laws make me feel so small in this whole equation. I get called pathetic. A rebound. A piece of shit. Some times I get my hair done and nails done but of course it’s not ok and I put my own needs before my kids or my step child. But In reality I make sure everything is taken care of for them before I do anything for myself. Yet it’s completely ok for his ex to get her hair done or nails done... I’m over it and many times I’ve wanted to just walk away. A certain in law twisted up my words and has caused a huge problem in what was a co parenting relationship that was getting better. Now it’s rocky as hell... I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my husbands ex and this certain in law gets this laugh in making life miserable. 

Comments

GoingWicked's picture

I have seriously sucky in laws too, this helped me beyond measure with my mother in law https://bible.org/series/boundaries, it’s not horribly religious if that scares you.  You have to learn to say “no”, even if it means the other side is going to rage at you.  That’s their problem, not yours.

 Also, use positive self talk, granted everyone can improve, but we are all just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve been handed.

Kes's picture

I see you are very young, only 25, and this probably lets some people feel that they can take liberties with you.  Try and learn about assertiveness and standing up for yourself.  A classic book on the subject is by Anne Dickson - "A Woman in Your Own Right".   

thinkthrice's picture

Another good read:

"When pleasing you is killing me. "

Siemprematahari's picture

My husbands ex wife and some of my in laws make me feel so small in this whole equation. I get called pathetic. A rebound. A piece of shit.

Whoever is demeaning you needs to be removed from your life and by that I mean creating boundaries and keeping them the h@ll away from you. Is your H standing by you through any of this and being suppportive? The behavior is abusive and what's its doing is breaking you down to feel worthless.

You are young, kind and worthy please take control of your life and follow your instincts. Many times you have wanted to walk away and that's for a reason. Wishing you all the best!

 

theunseenstepmom's picture

He tries to stand up to her. But anything he says she holds their child over his head. Threatens with court and anything else she can. I tell him to not say anything to her because I’m tired of hearing them to constantly argue. 

ndc's picture

What is your DH doing about this? If the answer is nothing  then he is part of the problem and, for your own mental health and self esteem, you should think about moving on.

theunseenstepmom's picture

He tries to stand up to her. But anything he says she holds their child over his head. Threatens with court and anything else she can. I tell him to not say anything to her because I’m tired of hearing them to constantly argue.