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Over reacting? Being too hard on him? Opinions?

Thetis's picture

Ok so my parents have been through one hell of a marriage. They have worked through just about any dumb thing two people could do to each other. So my mom thinks I'm over reacting to this last lack of thought from Dh. She thinks I'm expecting too much from him. I don't know what to think. I literally thought I was crazy a month a go, I went to a councillor. She ran me through a bunch of tests ect and talked to me for two sessions. She has since told me there is not much she can do for me because all my issues are rational and normal for someone in my situation. I do not have any mental health problems except for a bit of anxiety. So are my reactions to the last four days normal?

Friday- Dh goes drinking with Bm's older sister for her birthday and of course BM is there. He gets home at 230am and can't even stand straight.

Saturday- I try to talk to Dh and he tells me he's sorry for being late but I'm just going to have to get used to him being around BM.

Sunday- He apologizes for the "I'm just going to have to get use to it" comment and agrees to have a talk about boundaries after sorting out the easter/bday mix up with his sister. I feel better.

Monday- He calls his sister and finds out that yes the party is on easter, and he agrees to send Sd. Without talking to me. We didn't even get to the boundaries talk because he completely disregarded my opinion on the holiday. He called me selfish, told me I don't care about his family and said "Why do you care, its not like you want to be her mom anyways." I freaked. I think I had a mini-anxiety attack. I said "I'm a fucking idiot. I can't believe I have gotten myself in this situation. I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life and you don't even respect me." I think he only heard Stuck.

Am I over reacting? Is it wrong for me to want him to respect me? Is it selfish to want family holidays where it is just us? He has shown change by talking about things before, am I just heaping too much on him? Or should this stuff be common sense?


Coldandloved's picture

The holiday may have been the straw the broke the camel's back, it in all likelihood should be thought of as insignificant enough... I agree with StepAside... if you have your DH and not outside stressor, count it as a blessing. I understand why you are having trouble trusting him enough to have your conversation. Your reactions to each other are only making your situation worse. I'm not sure I understand why he was drinking with BM anyways? Sounds like a little time off from this whole thing could be beneficial. Take yourself somewhere pretty, do something nice for you, and then come back to it.

Thetis's picture

I know all of these situations would not bother me as much if they were not all lumped together. But because they are it really feels like he is TRYING to drive me insane.
I could handle him being late and drunk after a night out with his friends.
I could handle him being around Bm, if hes not out late and drunk.
I can share holiday time, if I feel like we're a family.
I feel like we're a family when we do things together and plan things together.

I just feel so insignificant right now. I feel like he has his priorities and I'm not one of the top ones.

herewegoagain's picture

Pissed about drinking w/BM's family...let go of the not buy stuff or plan anything for holidays related to his kids...if he buys them something or does something, his problem...if not, don't worry...worry about yourself, your kids and YOUR family on one rolls around you say "sorry, since your holidays are planned around your family incl kids, I now do the same".

Thetis's picture

I agree, but....
I know if I don't do these things for Munchkin then they wont happen. She's just a kid and I want her to have all the magical moments I had growing up. My mom made our lives so happy, and I want munchkin to have a piece of that happiness even if she can't get the full scope of what my kids will have.

I don't know. My councillor will probably tell me to do the same thing you are telling me. Let him deal with it. She's his kid.