FDH just doesn't get it!!! If you play hard all day/wknd and eat crap and sweets of course SD6 is going to get sick!
I would love to say "I TOLD YOU SO" so loud into his face right now... but do you think he'd get it even after his daughter has gone to bed early with a stomach ache on a sunday night from exhaustion??
only 2 hours ago I was having a conversation with FDH that he's weekends with SD are over the top and they are unsustainable!!. For once I actually agree with the BM. BM claims that SD always gets sick after a weekend with FDH. Surely after this weekend if he doesn't come to his senses, i don't know what will.
After a, what is come to be expected, whirlwind weekend with Daddy I'm So Fun Dearest. Of course SD6 is going to hit the wall at some point.
It starts friday night with a sleep over with friend, of course little girls don't sleep on a sleep over (I should know, I had sleep overs too) they're too excited. Then saturday was a day full of shopping for daddy and SD naturally. SD got whatever she wanted (7/10 she got it) including a strawberry milkshake and doughnuts to go. Saturday night we had a dinner I had organised a long time ago, so he knew this was happening. I even made it an early booking so that we could be home early. Which we were relatively. on the drive home, SD didn't even last 5mins before lights were out in the backseat. Then today... lets go have breakfast at MacDonalds. Then lets go for swim, because precious SD wanted to (mind you dearest SD is on antibiotics to get over an infection). Then the evidence of KFC for lunch when I was handed some KFC wet towelettes (I store these in my bag, they constantly come in handy with a 6yo). Oh forgot to mention with Slurpee in hand. I have to give credit here... it was a small slurpee. So I had made the plan to take her to see Smurfs... but in my absence of daddy fun times, daddy promised HE would take her. FFS. At this point I'm past annoyed with him, he could sense my aggitation...
FDH: "what's wrong with you?"
ME "don't you think you've done enough this weekend?"
FDH: "I promised her I'd take her to see Smurfs..."
OK let's play it your way... so I took her to Smurfs, let keep this fun filled weekend going shall we?? I don't want to be the one that isn't fun, right? Made sure FDH stayed home, and cook dinner when we get home.
we get home at about 6pm and SD says she's not feeling well and feels like throwing-up.
So here I am venting. Because i've already brought the topic up once today with FDH and didn't quite get the understanding or acknowledgement then. and to point it out now, would be shoving it in his face, and that wouldn't go down very well people, not very well at all. So I'm going to bite my tongue and vent on here if that's ok with you?
Oh and Daddy is still Mr. fun. But what would I know about kids, right?
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Comments
I just want to tell him he's
I just want to tell him he's an idiot, but he probably already knows that.
Other than the amount of food
Other than the amount of food he's feeding her, his visits sound like the visits here. DF only has his girls 4 days a month so he tries to make the most of that time.
The fact that dad is spending that time with his child instead of dumping her on you is great.
If she's there 4 days a mont,
If she's there 4 days a mont, he can't be an actual parent because he is not the one parenting her most of the time. He's with her like 13% percent of the time, which does not give him time to establish authority.
He's not the one that takes care of her so naturally he doesn't establish a parental role like he would if he was there at least 50% time.
Children see uncles and aunts and grandparents like 4 days a month, so he gets downgraded to that role even though he's her biofather. 4 days a month is pretty much nothing, it's visitation, and there's no time for parenting because establishing a parent role takes time and continuity and he does not have that.
So it's a visit and you can hardly parent someone who just visits you 4 days a month even if you made them.
Meh, not sure. Nothing really
Meh, not sure. Nothing really seems too 'wrong'. Remembering that OP wrote the Saturday evening deal was her planning and OP is one who took SD2B to movie, I really don't see where Dad did anything 'too much'. The overnight sleep with a little friend is good social skills for SD2B and isn't much different then if BM were planning a play date for a child or having her enrolled in one of the many activities so many parents sign their kids up for.
The swim while being 'fun' was good exercise for a child. Considering Dad's choices of feeding SD2B a morning exercise routine I'd find promising that at least Dad is pushing something healthy for the child. So that leaves the trip to the mall. I've left out the choice of dining as whether Dad feed kid at home or at McDonald/KFC he would have spent time feeding kid (though better meals would be healthier for kid). So the mall. Child got some new items at a mall and a 'treat' of milkshake and carry out doughnuts. Considering Dad spent part of the day allowing SD2B drive the cars and smash his finger, I'd think a trip to the mall one afternoon a month might be a safer experience.
But to expect Dad does jack all weekend or only does yardwork and running errands instead of doing anything 'fun' all in the name of 'parenting his kid' when Dad actually sees kid 4-5 days a month is unrealistic. BM has child the other 25/26 days a month. Are we to think and believe that during this time BM does nothing 'fun'? Only spends the time running errands, playing around the house and doing yardwork?
It's a toss up. There has to be a healthy balance, but it's not sensible to think a father should only mundanely 'parent' his child. My DS36 had GS12 this weekend. They went camping Friday evening and fished all day yesterday. Today DH, I and DD13 are going up to have midday lunch/dinner and the two kids will play and catch up on their going ons. I hear DS and GS had pizza from the local Italian restaurant. Has GS been having 'fun' this weekend? Yeah, probably so. Did my DS fail to 'parent' his son? Absolutely not.
I 'get' that and agree that
I 'get' that and agree that the boring stuff needs to be a part of it to. DS was helping GS work towards some badge in scouts. My DS has GS I think a lot more than some of the fathers on this site do have a chance to have their children. Yes, they do boring stuff such as school projects and homework and as DS lives by my elderly mother, lots of time is spent helping gma around her yard and garden . I was up one day this summer supervising the kids, all GS wanted to do nothing. Which was totally fine with me. He was exhausted from all the going and doing he did on his mother's time.
GS12 since spring school break has been to Disney in Florida, 10dys in Spain, 5dy quickly to Luxemburg(to see his BM's mother), horseback riding camp for a week, another camp in Wisconsin for another week, a 'family' vacation out west for a week (with his stepfather's family)and had to cut the summer visitation schedule short to start football practice for the school 7th grade team. That's what BM has done on her time with GS. In fact the normal sense of home and family and for my GS comes from his father , I, and my mother. It's a struggle to help GS learn responsibilities and things like chores and 'downtime' and importance of education and self discipline when BM goes, does, spends...but DS is managing to pull it off and I'm proud of him and his parenting skills. DS is doing a good job with the kid regardless of BM and all her worldly ways and money.
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