Does anyone else feel this way when the skids come over....
Does anyone else get anxiety every time your skids first come over even if it's just on your spouse's weekend? My mood just completely changes with dread and gloom because I know what is coming? My house will no longer be quiet and clean.
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Yep. Every. Single. Time.
Yep. Every. Single. Time. It start a day or so ahead. Monday afterward is like detox for DH, DD, and I.
In fact, I'm having a sh*tty day today because I know they'll arrive tonight for the weekend.
I absolutely do! And when
I absolutely do! And when they leave I feel like I get my home back!
Yep. We have SS this
Yep. We have SS this weekend, and I'm working overtime 13 hour days starting today through Sunday, then back to regular 10.5 hour days on Monday. They don't know the meaning of "please keep it down" after 10p.m. Our house gets destroyed, errands don't get done, laundry doesn't get done. Then we spend almost all of our non-kid weekend playing catch-up, just to start all over again. Makes me insane. I heard there is a wine club that sends you a bottle of wine a month to your house. If I could get one every 3 days instead I might consider it. }:)
Yes... i think it's
Yes... i think it's common.
Why don't you start a tradition for yourself to do something YOU like on that weekend.. maybe without the kids? Since your DH will be getting all that quality time in?
Remember it like it was
Remember it like it was yesterday! And the mental handsprings/backflips I'd do when I saw the backs of their heads getting smaller and smaller as Chef proceeded to drive them back to the mothership.
I start to feel really
I start to feel really anxious and typically get in a fight with DH in advance. This week, my feelings of dread started almost as the last weekend ended, because our kid-free weekend was over.
For me, it feels like I have house guests when my SSs show up. That may seem mean on my part, but they treat our home like a hotel (where all dirty linens and dishes are swept away by the friendly housekeeper and replaced with new ones) and act if they are houseguests, complete with expecting to be entertained the entire time they are with us (including repeated requests to their friendly cruise director (me) for activities or entertainment). I've tried to disengage by going in my bedroom and closing the door, but I'm followed by knocks to the door with questions on how to fix something, how to do something, where to get something, wanting to know if they can do something...no amount of "you need to ask your father" keeps them away from my door...sometimes, their father has sent them to me. How is it that I'm the "authority" in the house? I may spend large parts of this weekend, rearranging my office area, which should keep them away.
And how could I forge that DH loves for us all to do things "as a family" during their weekends...he used to get upset if I had made other plans, but now I just tell him to deal with it.
DH had some work colleagues over for a planning meeting last night, so our house is really clean right now, the entire downstairs is completely clutter free...at least until tomorrow. I used to hope that if the home was clean when my SSs arrived that they would notice and not leave their things everywhere, but that didn't quite work.
Glad I'm not the only one
Glad I'm not the only one with "feelings of dread" when the skid weekend is over. Started to think I was a terrible person.
Yep. I just make sure I'm
Yep. I just make sure I'm very busy.
No, I don't hole myself up in my room, because the idea of SD taking over my house makes me cringe.
But I always get a lot of work done when SD is over. Somehow cleaning and keeping busy with the house is so much easier when SD is around. Doing work on my computer is easier (SD won't bother me if she sees that I'm on my computer...I get this scowl on my face when I'm trying to concentrate and I think it scares her off).
And when SD talks to BM (always on speakerphone), I use that time to go somewhere else. DH can listen to all the stupid, underhanded sh!t that BM says. That and BM has a very slight accent that I just can't place (or maybe it's just an obnoxious cadance?), but that paired with her "I miss youuuuu so muuuchh" voice makes my ears bleed.
Yeah, I still get anxiety and that "impending doom" feeling, but keeping myself busy seems to help a bit.
I used to feel almost
I used to feel almost nauseous EOW when they were due to come over. I endured this for 10+ years until they finally stopped coming in 2013. My life was totally transformed.
I will add that I kind of
I will add that I kind of dreaded it even with SD's that for the most part were pretty darn good kids. I mean, when we bought our land years ago.. we had to put the road in and part of that was putting big rocks down to have a good base. Well... DH's dump truck got stuck on the 2nd load.. so he had to dump everything in one pile. Guess who we made help us spread the softball sized rocks by hand? That would have been my 9 and 13 yo stepdaughters. Oh.. and when we were working on the sea wall on our house in FL.. yep.. got the teen YSD and her friend to help us load the rip rap in a weelbarrow and mix cement!
Yes.. the girls had to help us with major chores and projects!
They were good about going where we wanted without much complaint.
But, still, they were two extra people in the house and I like my solitude.
This is me, too. Other than
This is me, too. Other than OSD, who was a nightmare, the other 2 were great. Still dreaded it.
For me, I think I dreaded the loss of control, the loss of say over my own life...and I feel like DH subconsciously withdrew affection from me when the skids were around...like his brain couldn't process being close with two sets of people at once...or maybe because he got in 'kid mode' and was just focusing on powering through. I can't fully explain it, and I know it wasn't on purpose...it's not like he was mean or rude or anything, and I think he would have been surprised if I had ever brought it up. But that withdrawal made me dread the weekends even more. I felt like an outsider/outnumbered already, and then the one person who I did have became a bit of a stranger to me. Made me want to leave.
I should say...I have a good relationship with all 3 skids now...and DH got better about still being a couple with me while the kids were around as they got older. And I STILL dread when the skids come over. I do well with them on trips and visiting outside the home, but there's still something about having them here that gets under the skin and makes me uneasy. I tend to think of it as PTSD from the early years.
Yes and it was awful, because
Yes and it was awful, because I would get anxious and broody and quiet, then DH would see it as a slight against his kids and he'd get pissy and we'd all be pissy! Hooray!
Ugh. I do not miss those says AT ALL!
I hated having to feel like I needed to run away from my home because skids were there... I LIKE being home. So it was a catch 22. No matter what I did, I'd be miserable.
I feel the exact same way. I
I feel the exact same way. I hear my cabinets slamming all the time and it annoys the crap out of me. They are always in my kitchen even at midnight it seems like. I find myself doing things with my family and give DH ideas on how he can spend quality time with his kids without ME. LOL
I do pretty well until Sunday
I do pretty well until Sunday morning. Then I'm a bit keep to myself crusty until I leave to run my errands.
One SS is my shadow and while it's beyond annoying most of the time if that's the worst I deal with I should shut my face.
Other SS is difficult to like (in fact I just don't). On top of that, it seems he's forgetting more and more that the bs he pulls at mom's is not tolerated in our house so there have been frequent reminders to stop the tantrum before it gets off the ground.
Luckily dad is awesome at recognizing the need to a) let me out or b) take them out. Most of the time the short Sunday break is enough for me to let go of the first couple days and give me the boost to make it through the home stretch.
You need to escape a bit, even if it's short spurts. Find a way to squeeze something little in. Even if it seems futile. You'll feel better. Maybe not right away but you'll get there.
How old is the SS that is
How old is the SS that is difficult?
Ugh, I remember those days.
Ugh, I remember those days. The anxiety and dread. I would even start to feel it on the Friday of our kid free weekends - kind of like a count down to the end of our great weekend. It did get somewhat better as they got older. They spent more time in their rooms on their laptops than they did shadowing us around the house.
Now they only come over for dinners as they are older and it's nowhere near as bad.
I cannot wait until the year
I cannot wait until the year 2026 then they don't have to come over unless they want to.
For me, it's 2024 and I
For me, it's 2024 and I already have a countdown on my phone.
BM already goes away with her husband on weekends when SSs are with us and leaves her 15 year old stepson home alone, so I imagine as soon as my SSs are old enough to realize that they can stay home with no supervision, they'll stop wanting to come to our house. I can't say I'll be sad. DH will, but I've already suggested that he think of ways to maintain a relationship with his sons when they are teenagers and don't want to spend the weekends with us.
I used to feel that way. Then
I used to feel that way. Then I disengaged and was felt darn near carefree.
DH is responsible for skid meals. They like crap: fast food, frozen chemical-laden entrees, and nasty pizza.
I make some yummy for myself. Fresh fish and veggies, steak, pasta, a big salad...
DH makes the skids pick up after themselves or he has to do it.
Any skid items left in the living room or kitchen are thrown away after they leave. I have no problem doing that.
DH is there to spend time with the skids.
I go to the movies, the beach, the bookstore... anywhere the skids are NOT.
I'm slowly reaching that
I'm slowly reaching that place, although DH still gets all upset when I don't want to "do things as a family". I tell him that the whining and feelings of entitlement really bother me, so I can only handle his kids in small doses.
I also wish he'd spend less money on junk when they are with us, but I'm working to let all of that go, too.
It's a process.
LOL I wish I could smash the
LOL I wish I could smash the xbox against the wall when SS is screaming on the top of his lungs at his friends on those stupid games. Then I could say BYE BYE to the XBOX. But unfortunately I can just only imagine doing that.
DH is constantly telling him
DH is constantly telling him to keep it down and that he is too loud. It has been taken away from him a few times other than that DH just warns him that he is going to take it away. SS forgets that other people live in our house as well and that he needs to be respectful. I guess that is with any kid though you need to be consistent until they learn right?
Yes.. consistency is key...oh
Yes.. consistency is key...oh and yes..you CAN set limits to the Xbox...Only one hour a day per child. And then unhook it.. take the controllers.. whatever.
It sounds like they are the last kids that really need to be using this hyperstimulation device since they already have deficits in that area.
That may be a struggle since I recall your DH likes to play too.
Tank.. this is my very somber advice though. I cannot IMAGINE thinking that I had to suffer some sort of hell for 10 more years (oh and who is to say they don'tland in your basement for another 10???)
Please learn to disengage and check out and find ways to enjoy YOUR weekends while they are there. Sure, you can do things as a group as long as the kids are behaving (maybe it will get better with age..who knows).. but once it stops being "fun" just stop participating. You are going to twist yourself into an early grave as much as you take all this stuff personally. From BM to the Kids.. it's clearly killing you literally.
Oh, the skids starting losing
Oh, the skids starting losing some pretty choice stuff: brand new t-shirts, socks, the tv remote (that disappears for a month every time it's left on the floor)... It didn't take too long before they remembered to get their crap. }:)
As far as the family stuff? Well, it was a hard decision for me to reach but the bottom line is that we are NOT family. DH is my family. The skids are his kids and stepkids. I had to MAKE myself stop caring and realize that the dream of us being a big ol' happy family was never going to happen. After all of the crap SD21 and SD24 (DH's step) pulled and the he!! of everything PigPen(stb15), I finally gave up almost 2 months ago.
I was surprised at how much better *I* feel. I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting on myself and how badly I was stressing.
∆∆∆ "The Bye Bye Box"..., in
∆∆∆ "The Bye Bye Box"..., in hysterics here, hahahahaha!!!!!
Less for the kids (we have
Less for the kids (we have the full time except her magic "I'm an awesome mom" appearances that she suddenly started when someone wanted SD4 in a wedding) but anytime I have to deal with the ex I totally get anxiety and start this nervous chit-chatting and get kind of high strung... cuz every time the Skids come back they have a new lie and then have emotional whiplash for like a week or so... That as the one raising them with DH I get to deal with... Also BM is just really nasty...
My YSS is always lingering in
My YSS is always lingering in the kitchen when I am cooking and messing with stuff if I walk away for a minute. I tell DH could you please get him out of the kitchen when I am doing something. Go spend time with him or give him something to do because DH says well he is just bored. Well he can be bored somewhere else instead of in my way. One time I caught him putting his dirty little hands in the food I was cooking because I he wanted to "taste" it. I was livid. Then I burned myself with a hot pan because he got in my face to say something rude to me and I burned myself with the hot pan. I was livid then too. I have a scar from burning myself on my arm now.
If the kid's bored, maybe his
If the kid's bored, maybe his dad should entertain him, rather than expect stepmom to keep track of him.
My DH loves to go off and take a nap in the middle of the day when the kids are with us, because he's just so tired, but then the kids come to me wanting to know "where's dad?" or wanting entertainment. I sometimes go upstairs and demand DH get up and be the parent, because I'm not the parent.
I know my SSs are not constantly entertained when they are with BM and I've told them they can invite friends over, but I'm not going to drop everything to entertain them when they are with us.
One weekend, I had gotten a new book and was excited to get some reading in. I think I read five pages because I kept getting asked questions, all while DH was napping. I wanted to say "leave me alone and go bother your dad!"
I know what you mean. My DH
I know what you mean. My DH sleeps in on the weekends sometimes until like 11 am well the kid is bugging me so I go wake up DH and tell him to deal with his kid. I tell DH he is your kid and he is here to spend time with you and he is your responsibility.
Have you tried getting to the
Have you tried getting to the bedroom before him to "take a nap" (i.e.read your book) before he gets a chance to commandeer the bedroom?!! Just an idea, lol!
Yes. I thought it would get
Yes. I thought it would get better with time or even go away completely. I thought it would get better when they got older and one-by-one quit coming over for regular visitation. It didn't and it hasn't. I still get the Thursday dread and gloom (sometimes it even starts on Wednesday) before skid weekend, even though we're down to just SD17 and she works a lot on the weekend. I don't understand why at all and wish it could stop. I just hate it and feel like crying.
Now, once I'm in the weekend and SD is there, it usually mostly dissipates and the weekend turns out to be totally fine...I just roll with it. But I still have that dread every time, and it's worse before long weeks...even though, from experience, I know I'll handle it just fine. Why is that?
I use to feel this way till
I use to feel this way till one day I decided,, why???
I'm suppose to be disengaged? Why do I stress if I hear I have to spend time with the brat, I decided to change my feelings and eventually she decided not be around me, I did not give her the satisfaction of making my life full of stress, I ignored her and did what ever I wanted to do, with XSO, he never really bothered with her... thus she was left alone to do what ever she wanted...
if she messed up the kitchen, I would simply tell X, either you call her to clean this mess or you do it, you know the house rules and if you can't tell your brat to stick to it, you clean it....but I did not stress anymore..
Only if I'm already having a
Only if I'm already having a bad day... but it's not specific to SS, it's more generally that I don't want to have to do anything for anyone and I don't want anyone in my face, even my kids. They're always there, so it's a bit different... but I eye the clock when I get home to watch out for DH's ETA with ss because I know time is short before the ss show begins