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Do kids lie about everything?

tankh21's picture

Is it normal for a 13 year old to lie about everything even little things? I know kids lie but I am curious is it normal for them to lie about everything?

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Tank, I'm going to be blunt with you:

Your BM is high conflict. Your DH is a tool. Your skids are going to be majorly effed up because of it.

You can't fix it. You can't worry about it. You will drive yourself nuts if you keep asking all these questions all the time.

Keep disengaging. If the kid is lying, reply with "oh, okay" and move along. Let DH and BM handle it. If they don't, then they can deal with the consequences.

Wookiee_Momma's picture

Yes, lol.

After we realized SD11 wasn’t using shampoo or body wash when she was showering for months, over Christmas Break, we had to get on to her about it. I marked the bottle and that’s how we caught her lying. After that we told her she had to wash her hair every night with us, and not just every other night. How did she respond? She used a whole bottle of shampoo and a whole bottle of conditioner in four days, most likely to spite us.

I then bought her VO5 and told her if she couldn’t use the stuff properly, she would have to use the cheap stuff. 

This weekend, she got out of the shower and her hair wasn’t wet. I asked her why she didn’t wash her hair. She lied and said she thought she only had to do it every other day. I confronted her on that lie and she then said she forgot to.

After SS was done showering, I called out to her to go wash her hair. She ignored me and then proceeded to pretend to fall asleep with DH on the couch. I woke DH up and he ACTUALLY backed me up and told her to go wash her hair.

I wish I could have taken a picture of the scowl she gave me for the next hour. She didn’t expect I would beat her at her own game, lol.

ESMOD's picture

Not to be too contrary but it's actually ok and probably a bit healthy to not use soap and shampoo for every single shower.  Unless we are doing very menial labor or working up a dirty sweat (not just a light sweat)... overuse of shampoo and soaps can dry our skin and strip oils from our hair leading to breakage etc...  Now, if the girl was not getting properly rinsed in the right areas and "never" letting the proper parts get soap washed then she may have been getting a bit stinky and maybe letting bad germs get out of hand.  Also could be a matter of her needing to use a deoderant of some kind as well. 

Personally i shampoo my hair about 3 times a week.  Otherwise I put it up in a shower cap.  Since doing this my hair has gotten thicker and is in much better condition and this works just fine even though I do work out daily.  My head sweat isn't all that malodorous..so shampooing or even just rinsing every couple of days is just fine.  I do shower 2x a day because I have found that I am sleeping better if I take a shower right before bed.  I also shower after my workout in the AM.  But, I don't use the full body soaping up but every other day and only do the vital parts on a daily basis... Again, my skin is much less dry as a result and the shower rinses away the workout sweat.  Now, if I mow the grass or something dirty.. I do the full monty so to speak...lol.

I guess all the above might be a bit complicated for the girl to grasp...so I guess erring on the side of her getting cleaned regularly is probably fine.  She may not have been using soap if it made her skin dry or itchy though... so maybe try to find one with a lot of moisturizers.

 

Daenerys's picture

ESMOD, I totally agree with you. I don't think a lot of people realize the damage that unnecessary over-washing can do. I also backed off on washing my hair so often and I've had great results - it's far healthier than it's ever been. Plus the crap they put in most shampoo and body wash products these days is pretty toxic. 

Mrs Fireball's picture

When YDD was very young she had severe eczema and her dermatologist told me to not use soap on her for every bath because it is so drying for her skin. 

My hair was fried and dry until I realized I was washing it way too often. Most of my school mates washed their staight hair daily so I thought I should too. Curly hair does not like frequent shampoos. 

Most of the time I just use conditioner and scrub my scalp good with my fingers. It's never greasy or nasty looking either. My curls look so much better now. 

Wookiee_Momma's picture

SD has major issues with hygiene. We only used to require she wash her hair every other day (the one being on the day she has dance), but after we found out she hasn't been using any products and going days and days without at her mom's, we gave her less freedom. We also found out she never uses toothpaste, so that was another fight. She is made to use deodorant, mostly because she is quite stinky without it. She sweats a lot, and you can smell her feet and armpits. I bought her Dove body wash, so dry skin isn't an issue. She's just lazy and thinks sitting in a bubble bath is sufficent. 

She's coming to the age where she will soon have her period, and I don't want her suffering from UTI's and vaginosis because she never cleans herself or changes her underwear. Until she matures enough to keep up with her own basic cleanliness, she can't have the freedom to decide a schedule like us. She will go four days without showering at her mom's house, and she doesn't keep up with it.

I will care less in a few years when she's 13-14. If she wants to be the stinky kid, she can be the stinky kid. For now though, she needs to be forced to do so.

 

Wookiee_Momma's picture

During the first two years, she frequently suffered from pinworms because she never washed her hands or used soap. She would pick skin off her feet and chews her fingernails.

After having to sanitize everything and treat the entire family for them, we had quite enough.

 

Her hair is interesting. It’s slightly wavy, but very coarse. It also gets incredibly greasy very fast, probably due to her dance classes every day and now cheerleading. We also live in the swampy weather of Florida. Her hair actually looks and feels a lot better when she washes and conditions it every night, using shampoo and conditioner with shea or other oils. When she doesn’t wash it frequently, it tends to get poofy and frizzy, and has a very rough texture while being greasy on the scalp. I think she uses her mom’s straightener a lot though and her ends are very damaged from it. She’s been taught to only wash her scalp and how to use conditioner mid to ends.

My hair is fine, straight, but thick. I can only get away washing it every other day...barely. Florida humidity doesn’t help either. I’m jealous of people who live in climates that don’t make you sweat within five minutes of going outside.

 

Journey0623's picture

my SD is 11 and we constantly have to tell her to bathe... it is disgusting... she would go days and days without if we let her... I am pretty sure she wears the same underwear 3-4 days in a row AND she still doesn’t know how to wash her butt properly... I do her laundry and my 5yo’s underwear are never like that... brown town... I buy her deodorant and tell her to use it... I can’t remember the last time she brushed her teeth at our house... meanwhile I have bought her many toothbrushes.... but I have given up telling her (my 5yo reminds me at night that we are to brush his teeth lol!). She has had so many cavaties... but her mom’s insurance covers her dental so whatever... DH does back me up on getting her to bathe... I have told him she will be the smelly girl at school... hopefully kids straighten her out soon lol!  Apparently her mom was not hygienic.. so she isn’t teaching her I guess... my son bathes 6 out of 7 days and my baby’s parts are washed everyday and her hair every other..

HereToStay's picture

Why won't they bathe regularly??? My SD11 is the same way! Why is the soap dry?

She has to bathe every night because she only half bathes in the first place. It evens out because of the laziness. I can go a day without showering or washing my hair (I don't like to) and not look wild or greasy because I actually wash and scrub a dub dub! Kids? Nooooo They just can't!
LOL

I love that scowl too. I know it well. 

HereToStay's picture

I would also like to add that SD11 NEVER has clean finger nails. They are always long and dirt filled. I used to encourage her to clean them by taking her to get a manicure or giving her one myself. Now that i'm disengaging, though, that is over with.

Instead, the next time she goes to touch my infant ds with her finger nails I am going to say as gently as possible, "No. You don't get to touch him until you have better hygiene. There's a whole lotta dirt and germs under your fingernails and it doesn't belong on his face."

Journey0623's picture

SD who doesn’t bathe often and never brushes her teeth.... we never share water bottles with my 5yo because he drinks and sometimes gets food in the bottle lol! So my SD wanted to drink out of my water bottle and I told her, since she doesn’t brush her teeth... she can’t use mine with all the mouth bacteria...

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

No and it is not normal. My son is 13.  He doesnt lie - to me at least - and I have not heard anything from anyone else around him being dishonest.  Children should be able to trust you enough to tell you the truth, even if it results in bad consequences for them or you.

You may have a compulsive pathological liar on your hands  -  or an environment of low trust or disrespect. It can be turned around.

ESMOD's picture

I guess it depends upon what you consider lies or what you are referring to.

It's normal for kids to tell lies to keep from getting in trouble at just about any age.

It's normal for kids to make things up to make themselves appear smarter/cooler etc...

It's normal for kids to make things up to protect other people.

It's normal for kids to tell lies to get out of doing things... (like saying they are allergic to something they aren't...like broccoli)

It can be normal for kids to try to one up or show they know something you don't... even if it isn't true.  (They say the sky is green when you say it's blue..just to be contrary).

 

Edit to add that while it may be normal for kids to lie under these situations... that doesn't mean that it is the right thing for them to do and that they shouldn't be called out for their falsehoods by their parents.

But, as stated above, these lies from the kids are likely for attention and I wouldn't give them a minute of my time which is what the kdis want from you... a reaction.

ndc's picture

No.  Most kids I know lie from time to time - to get or do something they want, to try to get out of trouble, etc.  But most of the time they tell the truth.  There's something seriously amiss if a kid is lying about everything.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Quickest way to make it to the top of my s*** list is to be a liar... I think it shows a lack of character, among other things. That's not normal at all.  If he's lying now, he's going to be a sneaky little s*** later.

What's your DH doing to stop this? He can't seriously just be accepting a liar. Right?

tankh21's picture

Kid lies about everything you cannot believe anything he says. What really can be done? Take away things from him. The cell phone has already been taken away.

Iamwoman's picture

No, not all kid lie about everything. All kids lie, but definitely not all of the time. DD and YSS lie sometimes, but they are both laughably transparent.

OSS13 lies all. of. the. time. - he is ridiculously good at lying, and lies about little and big things both. DH falls into the trap of sometimes believing his lies because that's his son and he wants to believe he is good, but I know always, and DH knows deep down inside that we can't trust a single word that comes out of OSS13's mouth.

No, it's not normal. I am convinced that my OSS13 has mental issues and will someday be a real danger to someone or society in general.

notsobad's picture

It’s not normal to lie about everything.

Narcissists lie about everything, even when the truth would be more pleasant they will still lie. Lie, “The dog got out of the yard, you didn’t lock the gate.” Truth, “There was a suspicious truck with a couple of dogs in the back, I think they stole our dog.” They’ll then go on and on about how it’s your fault the dog is gone because you didn’t lock the gate.

They tell big lies, “I was in a car accident as a child that almost killed me”. They tell little lies, “Traffic was brutal today”.

I know a few of them and nothing they ever say is true, there may be a grain of truth in there but they will twist it and lie to creat the most drama possible!

Journey0623's picture

My 5yo rarely ever lies.... he is so honest.. my 11yo SD? She is pathological about her lying and does it all the time