Who am I??
Hey Guys, I havent posted much,, Im like some other, I linger and drop in and read post. But I have been struggling in WHO AM I?
I think since entering my 30's a few years ago, I have looked at life differently and I feel that what I wanted before is not what I want in my life now. Do you ever feel that way.
This year has been hard, my oldest is graduating a year early, my little entered her teen years and lately I find myself just alone because the kids are growing and not home much due to work or with the other parent.
I have to say that relationships have not been my best areas in life. I am in my third marriage-married 5 1/2 years which have been a big struggle as some of you whom I have met know. But I think I am having a difficulty in determining WHO AM I? I have spent so much time in pondering I am who I want to be- Is my DH who I want to be with- Do we have the same goals- Does he wish to be where I want to be in 5, 10, 15 years and the big question is Do I even like marriage.
I have come to realize that I don't. I don't like marriage and feel that I was never cut out to be in one. Do I love having a companion,, YES but not the way I should. I have been very independent since I can remember and I even though I remain to keep that I just want it all back. I feel selfish. I feel I am not being the best to my DH because I have found myself focusing to much on what I want.
I dont think I would care if I was the old lonely cat lady. Knowing I had my girls and hopefully grandchildren one day, I would be content. But if I had that, would content even be enough.
I want to go places, I want to travel the world, I want to taste things I have never tasted, I want to feel what I have never felt and typing this I feel like the most selfish person ever but I dont think my Dh wants any of that. He is content in our small home town, working in a greasy shop all day, going no where. Not me, I want more.
As anyone every felt this way and why? Is it normal? It is the beginning and end to new and old things.
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Comments
OMG I have MISSED
OMG I have MISSED you!!!!!!!!! So glad to hear an update.
I think what you're feeling is totally normal. I do think, however, that you likely feel that you don't like marriage b/c you don't like your partner. I think you've felt that way a LONG time now. I don't know your DH, but I dont like him.... I think you probably know that. Knowing you, I don't think y'all are a good match. You're so sweet and caring,and well, he's just NOT.
You've got my # if you need to chat! Love and miss you!!!!!!
I agree, I sometimes feel
I agree, I sometimes feel the same way and I think its becuase sometimes, I feel like I am not a good match for DH, and he is not a good match for me. I go back and forth though.
Ps... I'm thinking I should change my screen name... Lol! what do you think?... too confusing?
SunshineGirl-love the name--
SunshineGirl-love the name-- Dont change it!
Sia- I have missed you too!
Sia- I have missed you too! I always drop in and read and hope you are doing good. BTW- great news on your dad! Hope everything does well.
I think I have continued to grow as I get older and Dh is not. He has shown some behavior recently that disturbs me and I think his lack of wanting to grow and be mature is putting me several steps ahead of him.
Sunshine. I feel this way
Sunshine.
I feel this way too. A lot.
I think we all crave human contact, human interaction. I think sometimes we get lost in the relationship, we miss our independence.
Is there a way to perhaps feed your relationship with yourself (independence) without completely negating the marriage?
Travelling alone, going to a restaurant alone, etc.
Like when you go for a drive to hang out at a lake with some fellow stepmoms?
I like adventure too, sunshine. I also found a mate who enjoys it too.. as well as one who will let me go alone when I want. I just wonder if he would follow your lead if you venture out in the world??
Ps. I've missed you too!!
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Colorado Girl,,, I have to
Colorado Girl,,, I have to stay that I enjoy reading your blogs,,, you have a way in writing and showing positives in any situation. I WANNA BE YOU! I love ya girl! I think some time ago you may have posted something similiar. I have started going alot lately on my own which is probably why I am questioning where I am even more because I love it being by myself. I travel to my grandmas in SC and I dont even miss DH when I am gone. I had a weekend with some girlfriends from high school not long ago and loved it.
I feel this way too. I do
I feel this way too. I do think its normal. I am coming up on 30 and I have wants and needs that I don't think will be met. My DH and I here recently are figuring out we have NOTHING in common. We are trying to work on things, but I don't think I am what he wants and vice versa. If it is anything like my marriage, it sounds like you are falling out of love and don't know whether you like each other like that. Whatever you decide, we are all always here for you.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I think it would be selfish
I think it would be selfish NOT to feel this way. I don't think we can allow anyone to truly KNOW us, until we know ourselves.
I have been on this journey to "find myself" for sometime now. I am still lost.
Here is what I know:
I am a MOM
I am a WIFE
I am a SISTER, a DAUGHTER, a FRIEND... a BOSS, an EMPLOYEE (everyone has a boss, right?)
I want to be HAPPY
I want my kids to be HAPPY
I want my HUSBAND to be HAPPY
I want to TRAVEL
I want to LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE
Am I the BEST at any of those things... NOPE, am I trying??? Every single day of my life. Slowly, I am learning that THOSE things I WANT to be, make me who I am... whoever that is.
DH and I may never be able to travel the way I would like to. I may not ever be able to give my kids everything their hearts desire, but what I can do is make sure that I try my hardest every day to give them what I can. And what I can't... well, we will all have to learn to survive without.
I don't have an answer on how to figure out who you are. I am still trying to figure it out myself. I can only encourage you in your journey, as so many of us here are on the same one!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
DISbelief, Thank you....
DISbelief, Thank you.... You said it perfect. I think we all wonder are we who we want to be and if not, what do we do to make us better. I dont think its terribly selfish to GIVE to ourselves like we do to the ones we love around us every day. I think I have focused so much on everyone else that somewhere I lost focus on me and I am realizing that. I have to find that happy ground again and Im not sure what it is.