My opinion is that kids don't need phones until they are away from an adult without a phone, maybe 12 at the earliest, my kids probably won't be getting one until they can get a job and a car, and can afford them. I think they're terrible, even grown adults have their head in their phones all day long, it's crazy. I really, really want my kids to have a childhood that doesn't come attached to a machine.

However, my SD got one Pre-K, seriously, I thought her mom was bonkers. I kept my opinion to myself, maybe it was because calling our phone cost $/minute and it only cost her an extra $10 a month to add a line and talk to SD all day for free, maybe she suspected I or DH were withholding calls, maybe she wanted SD to be the hippest kid in school, who knows? It's her $$ and her kid.

Even with the phone, no reason you can't control its usage in your home. Including whether or not it gets used at all. Some parents have the 'unwanted' phone stay in kitchen and only turned on at call time. Others refuse usage and put it up until kid returns to other parent's house. Still others refuse to allow it in their home at all.

Phones today can be pretty safeguarded. Right down to what and to whom the kid can do on the phone.

Does your 8yr old need a phone? Probably not. Dad and you obviously aren't going to agree on what age is appropriate. Your question of age appropriate isn't really your issue. Your issue is now that Dad got the phone, how or if you're going to handle the situation on your time.

I was 10 I think when I got my own mobile, but I was the youngest of 5 step siblings in the household so I tended to get some things "earlier" to keep things fair.

My SD is only 5 so its going to be a while before this issue comes up but my DH and I have already talked about it. We wont be getting SD a mobile, if/as and when her BM does, then there will be rules for its usage in our home.

Ultimately that is all you can do, control its use within your home on your time.

I think 12 or 13 is a pretty good age

Why can't a parent call a kid? Why does the NCP have to go through the CP? "hi, will you have blah blah call me?" "Blah blah, call your dad."

OR - *ring ring* "Hi kid, it's dad. How was your day?"

Why does the CP have to control the contact? If kid has a phone and CP thinks that kid should be doing chores or homework or whatever, can't that CP just tell kid to call back later?

I have never understood the "all contact must go through ME, the CP" crap.

Asshat called the kids. On their cellphones. I didn't want him blowing up my phone, and I certainly didn't want to hear his voice, so what did I care if he called them on their phones?

Seem a little controlling to me....

i wouldnt get hung up on the age-appropriateness. oss had one when he was 7 - but he was extremely responsible. and i do mean extremely.

let the dad buy the kid whatever he wants to, it's his money and his kid too. but when it enters YOUR home, you can control his useage.

I think it depends on the reason for the phone, whether its affordable, and maturity level. Originally DH and I planned to allow phones at 16, when they got their driver's license. But now we changed our stance to whatever age the kids will be home alone. We don't have a landline and since DH's work pays for our internet (since their backup server is in our house - joys of family owned businesses. ) adding a landline will be more expensive that just getting a pay-as-you-go phone that we can add minutes to. Once the kid has proven responsible enough for a fully featured phone, we will add them to our plan. We agreed that we will not be purchasing the latest and greatest model for the kids - they are limited to the "free phone" that comes with the renewal/upgrades. If they want the latest iPhone/Android/whatever, they get to buy it themselves.

DH and I plan to be the ones to buy all phones for the kids so that we can put the parental control apps and such on them. BM would never allow it. But she's also not going to go out and buy a phone for the kids just so we can't put the apps on. She's perfectly happy to let DH be the one spending the money.

Edit to add: WOB, I agree with you about growing up without a phone. But then I remember the driving kids to school vs kids walking alone debate currently going on here and figure it's better to have the phone just in case. The schools were designed to be community schools that all the kids walked/biked to. No buses here. The parking lots/driveways were not designed for all the parents to drive the kids to school and it's causing backups and safety issues since most parents drive. The problem is that parents don't want to let their kids walk to school since just last year someone attempted to kidnap 3 different kids while they were walking to school. 1 girl was actually taken. They got her back since one of the parents driving to school saw it happen and followed the kidnapper while calling 911. The other two kids were smart enough to run when the guy tried to grab them. The school districts are saying that was a one time event and no one was actually hurt, the guy was caught etc but all the parents I know are saying the same thing "What if next time no one sees what happens? I'm not willing to risk my kid."

Now whether a cell phone would help in that situation, I don't know. But I'd rather be able to call/track my kids than risk it.

SD12 got her first phone (a modified cell, it only worked when on wifi) when we was about 10.5. She and her younger sister commute a lot alone so it was needed. SD12 just got her first "real" cell phone this year, it's a flip phone and she "hates" it even though it's what she herself asked for (no way was BM or DP going to pay hundreds for a phone for her).

SD10 still doesn't have one and doesn't want one.
BUT she'll likely get one either this summer or maybe for Xmas or her 11th birthday, a flip phone like her sisters.

And NONE of this was my decision, although I agree with them needing a phone.
And NONE of the payment comes from my money and they are not on my account.

I got my 7 year old an ipad mini for xmas and its gone. She has no idea where it is lost at her dad's house somewhere. Lesson learned for me