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Sister-in-law shade

strugglingSM's picture

Thanksgiving dinner was DH, SSs, MIL, BIL, SIL, BIL & SIL's 2 kids, SIL's parents, and MIL's friend.

SIL did not even look in my direction. I talked to both of her parents and interacted with her kids and didn't even get so much as a side glance from her. As soon as she arrived, she left the room to supposedly deal with her five year old who was "feeling shy" and when we left, she also left the room when we were saying our goodbyes.

Then, one SS was playing hide and seek in a closet and stepped on a picture frame - wearing socks, of course, so he cut his foot. He came downstairs - getting blood all over the carpet and the floor in the process - to tell me he was bleeding and before I could even get him situated, SIL swooped in and made a big dramatic process of trying to figure out if he still had glass in his foot. I left her to it. Later, she kept saying to MIL, "we need to get the blood off the carpet" and DH got annoyed because when it first happened, DH asked MIL what to do to clean the carpet and she told him to leave it because she was going to take care of it, herself. I told DH to not get angry about it because SIL was just trying too hard and I was just ignoring her.

Also, MIL said something weird. She told BIL, "well, you said you'd be really disappointed if SSs weren't here today." I was trying to figure out why that would have come up in context. Last year, SSs were not at DH's family Thanksgiving because it was their year with their mom and DH and I went to see my family. Prior to my coming along, BM gave all Thanksgivings to DH because she "doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving", since I've been around, she has decided she's going to take every holiday she can, even if she doesn't really want it. I just thought it was weird that BIL would say that to MIL. As if somehow DH would keep SSs from family Thanksgiving. Also, BIL told everyone in September that he wasn't going to be around for Thanksgiving.

The irony about SS stepping on glass is that the picture frame SS stepped on was one BM had given to MIL. Apparently, MIL didn't like it, so she bought new frames for the pictures from BM and put that frame in the closet.


Acratopotes's picture

sounds like a fun event lol.....

why not be evil and talk to SIL, or ask MIL what does she mean with the comment.. }:)

strugglingSM's picture

I was trained - by both my parents - from an early age to 1) never cause a scene; 2) don't say anything that will make others uncomfortable, so really, I cannot bring myself to do either of those things.

MIL is a sh%t-stirrer in general and DH's family is super passive aggressive, so I mostly ignore them when they say things to indicate they have unshared opinions around how DH is parenting SSs or how often SSs come around. BIL does not live far away, but in the three years I've known him, he has never once reached out to DH to plan a get-together with SSs. He once reached out and asked if they could stay at his house for the weekend, but that would have meant DH wouldn't have seen his kids, so no.

SIL is just a cold fish. I think she also tries too hard to act like she cares about SSs (and by implication, DH and I don't). I used to try to say hi to her, but now I just don't even bother. I don't know what her deal is and I don't really care anymore. We usually end up having to go down to BIL & SIL's house on Christmas Day, because otherwise SSs wouldn't see them or their cousins on Christmas. When DH & BM were married, both families used to get together on Christmas Eve, now both families still get together separately, but BM insists the children be with her every Christmas Eve, so SSs are never at DH's family Christmas. That means, we drive to BIL's, where SIL always talks to the kids and not to either DH or I and then shuttles us all out the door before her family arrives. I think this year, I'll have something to do myself on Christmas Day - maybe a FaceTime call with my own family.

Acratopotes's picture

Sounds like my parents, but they also taught us to stand up for ourselves and not to be doormats.. and do it with grace...

think about that for a moment.

pixielady's picture

I️ understand not saying anything or wanting to cause a scene but why let these people, particularly SIL treat you like sh*t? Because that’s what she’s doing. Tell DH you no longer want to spend time with people who ignore you or are passive aggressive. What did you do to them? You married DH and somehow that’s harmful to SSs and that’s how they’re showing you? Eff that, seriously. Your blogs hurt my heart. No human being should be ignored or treated like crap by “family”. For no reason.

strugglingSM's picture

I totally had it out with DH over the summer when SIL & BIL insisted they could not come to a barbecue for my parents, even though they were going to be in the area for something else. DH called his brother and said that this was important and his brother came by for 10 minutes. My dad wanted to thank them for traveling for our wedding. My parents didn't care, but we had to invite SIL's whole family to our wedding, otherwise she would have been offended. Now, I know she's just offended by everything.

I told DH last night that I was not going to their house for Christmas. He thinks I'll "come to my senses", but he can also admit that his family is not friendly, so maybe he'll "come to his senses" and support his wife.

I didn't cause his divorce and I get along fine with his children. SIL needs to stop thinking she is the savior.